November 3, 2019 at 6:11 am #133254complex.impulsiveParticipant
I was diagnosed with ADHD in my early teens. I was on medication until my early 20s, then again since having our daughter in my late thirties. My wife and I have been together for over a decade. Our daughter is in her first year of school. We have lived in different cities to all our extended families.
Sadly the relationship with my parents, sister and extended family is almost non-existent. My parents and sister are pleasant but assertive people who have a very wide social network. They are all smart, professional and somewhat successful.
My wife is also a smart professional but doesn’t share all of the same life values and priorities of them. This has caused tension throughout our relationship but has escalated since having a child. My wife doesn’t want them to have any ‘alone time’ with our daughter. Which as you can imagine is incredibly painful for me. This tension is also painful for my parents and sister and there is often anger and resentment towards my wife which has sometimes also created addition tension in our marriage.
I am also relatively successful professionally, but my ADHD traits and behaviour also impacts on our marriage – creating the typical parent child relationship between my wife and I. We have and continue to have counselling.
I would be interested in hearing from others whether I should continue to negotiate with my wife regarding contact my daughter has with my parents. It is currently a couple of days per year. My wife thinks that families ‘are different’ and in her mind that amount of contact is ok. I don’t agree with that and resent feeling like I have to negotiate (it often feels more like begging) to enable my daughter to have more contact.
Alternatively should I be more assertive tell my wife when my parent and I are going to be spending time together and invite her along if she feels like it?
November 4, 2019 at 9:27 am #133292BobmctxParticipant
Is your family assertive or aggressive? Assertive people state their feelings and Leave room to negotiate . Just stating your beliefs leaves no room to negotiate!
The same goes for your wife, talk to her about the difficulties she has with your family and what she is willing to negotiate for.
Unfortunately that leaves you in the middle but it is your family. Just try to be aware of your own feelings in all this and try keep them( your feelings) under control. ( tough for us add,res to do) keep calm and know they all love you!
God loves you, why ask for a second opinion! Bob
November 5, 2019 at 6:47 am #133581N4GTABLParticipant
Im so sorry you feel this way. I’m having the same issues and I’m the mom to a 6 yr old girl who I had on my own. I’ve only been married a year and this tension makes me wonder why I ever decided to get married. I wish I had an answer for you. Instead… just empathy. you’re not alone.
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