November 14, 2017 at 2:10 pm #68105
Next week, my 17 yo son is going to be moving across country from his mother’s residence to mine, his father’s residence, due to his failing his senior year. There was zero chance of his finishing and graduating this year in his current school, but there is still a chance here.
How do I encourage and foster his self-motivation when he is upset about being forced to move?
Thank you in advance!
November 15, 2017 at 3:00 pm #68224
Make sure he knows that the move is not punishment – you’re both on his team trying to figure out a way to set him up for his future.
Maybe don’t frame these last few months as the end of high school… that was on the other coast, instead, this is the start of a new chapter for him. The onramp to adulthood. This time is his chance to figure out how to leverage his strengths, work with his ADHD brain, and find the passions that can buoy him into adulthood.
Prove to him that you want to get creative to help him start the next chapter of adulthood out strong (and maybe let him know that you wish you’d known more about ADHD earlier so that you guys could have figured this out with him when he was younger so that high school wouldn’t have had to be such a struggle for him – don’t we all wish we’d figured this out sooner!).
Acknowledge that this must be really really sad for him to miss out on the last part of his senior year with all his peers- that last home stretch is glamorized to be when you slack off (senioritis) and life is one long party. I’d be sad to have to miss that fantasy. Google “fomo” fear of missing out. He will probably have bad ‘fomo’ the rest of the school year, but looking forward to exciting next steps should help. An ADHD brain will have a rough time buckling down and working to catch up on all his classes all the time, make sure he gets lots of exercise and spends time on things that excite him and make him happy too – maybe he could take a city college class (can he get high school credit for it?) on a topic he’s really excited about and really good at (computer animation? welding? leadership? art?)- just to see that there is life after high school, and that even though school can be a perfect storm of badness for ADHD brains, life doesn’t have to be.
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