Relationship advice

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    • #105963
      sunsetjen
      Participant

      Hi everyone,

      I am wondering if you can help me understand if my feeling is related to ADHD or if I’m simply a judgmental person.

      I am married to an amazing woman whom I love dearly, I have been diagnosed with ADHD within the last 10 year. I was medicated for several years at 1st, however I am no longer medicated (for the last 2 years)..

      What I’ve started noticing about myself is: I find myself comparing a lot. What I mean by this is, I am an artistic person, I paint/draw/sing and play instruments. My spouse loves painting and doing crafty things. However, it’s like a child painted it. I never say anything about this thought, I just give her the compliment sandwich and bite my tongue.

      I tell myself that It’s not important that it’s not pretty.. it’s important that she’s enjoying herself.. BUT there’s this intense urge to tell her she needs a new hobby.
      This urge is so strong I genuinely find myself going quite and just saying everything in my head.

      Am I just a jerk? or is this judgmental state with the urge to blurt out this fact part of my ADHD? Should I tell her the truth about what I think or just keep fighting it.

    • #105990
      Carmelsunde
      Participant

      Hi… this topic is different maybe the impulse that your feeling that need to tell your wife that she really sucks at painting is a mixture of the adhd… And you just being mean… I’m married 20yrs now and I wouldn’t tell my husband he can’t paint I would just let it be we are both there painting enjoying ourselves together that’s what really matters… you know how it goes a happy wife means a happy life or if it’s really getting too you and you must say something maybe try saying it in a joking way…. maybe just make a small little joke about her painting and then make a joke about your painting

    • #106439
      jllucci
      Participant

      Hello,

      Your are questioning your instincts to tell her your negative thoughts and you are not blurting them out. Those are not the habits of a jerk. And I would continue keeping it to yourself.

      The urge to compare and the judgmental thoughts are not ADHD specific although if you were actually blurting the thoughts outlaid that might come under impulsivity which is an ADHD trait.

      It’s human to have passing thoughts both positive and negative about our loved ones and even strangers. If you are able to contain yourself when you know they are inappropriate and if they are not taking up too much space, interfering with your ability to enjoy your wife or think about other things, I wouldn’t worry about it.

      If this a new thing and the thoughts become regularly intrusive and difficult to contain, it might be worth talking to a counselor something else may be going on.

      Best Wishes,
      Jodie

    • #107550
      sunsetjen
      Participant

      Thank you for your replies. I definitely agree that I should just let it go and let her be happy!

      Happy wife , happy life for sure!

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