Relationship about to break

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    • #194868
      DarthDefault
      Participant

      Hey People,

      I am super new here so if I am in the wrong forum then sorry for that! I am a male ADDler, diagnozed in the early years of my life. Now I am not really hyperactive, I am more in the attention and lack of empathy area. I am suffering a lot from overwhelming numbness in critical situations and simply lack of words. And now my relationship with my girlfriend is about to be shot dead because of that. She is very sensitive and struggles herself with depressive episodes. Basically she thinks I dont care enough to save the relationship and she is doing everything to safe it while I am doing the bare minimum. When in truth I simply dont know what to do, when there is a good moment to say something nice or cute I am like paralyzed. I cant get a mood from bad to good by myself and she always has to make the initiation for me to “jump on the train” and to brigthten up the mood. I looked everywhere for helping methods and I am using medikinet 10mg but it gotten so far that the smallest mistake is enough to escalate the whole situation and the “trys” of me being cute or good mooded are greeted with frustration and then I am very quick to jump back into my silent stunned mode and everything escalates anyway. I am really lost meanwhile and have nobody to talk to about this, as most people, including my girlfriend just categorize the main part of my problems as either lazy or lack of willpower.

      I hope, you guys at least enjoy your sunday

      darthdefault

    • #194970
      Penny Williams
      Keymaster

      The most helpful thing you can do is have this conversation with your significant other. Tell her that you don’t know what to do sometimes, that it doesn’t come naturally. Ask her what she needs from you and ideas for you to fulfill that.

      “What I Wish My Partner Knew About My ADHD / ADD”

      For Good Communication, Timing Is Everything

      Penny
      ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach, Podcaster & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #195125
      attikusfinch
      Participant

      Thank you for sharing your story

      • This reply was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by attikusfinch.
      • This reply was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by attikusfinch.
    • #195138
      Voldo
      Participant

      Hey DarthDefault,

      I’m very much the same way and it’s caused a lot of stress in my marriage. I think it’s important to have open conversations with her and simply say “how can I help?”, “what do you need?”, “how can I support you?” etc.

      Additionally try to listen and understand where she’s coming from without trying to fix/solve everything. I tend to approach my spouse’s problems like I’m putting a bandage on it and checking it off of my to-do list, but that isn’t really supportive and not what a lot of people are looking for.

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