Refusal to go to Summer School

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    • #52610
      jhasselt
      Participant

      So, my son is 8 (ADHD/ODD) and I signed him up for 2 hours of summer school classes (one class is movies, the other is reading). These are not required classes, they are meant to be fun and a way for him to get out of the house for a few hours. Well, he is refusing to go almost every Monday (and today which feels like a Monday after being off for the holiday). I’m not concerned about him falling behind, because they are truly fun classes. I just don’t want this habit to continue next school year. I have not forced him to go, because I feel that battle should be saved for the school year. But, how would you handle this? When he is an adult and goes to work, he can’t miss every Monday. I want to start good habits now. Should I be concerned or allow this and pray for the best next year?

    • #52743
      weediewoo
      Participant

      My oldest is 16 and was and still is,to a certain extent, the same as this. She lately seems to be getting more motivated as she is preparing for future life goals. It’s best to continue with the routine of summer school without missing otherwise they will start realizing they may be able to get away with this behavior in other situations. It’s only 2 hours a day, it gets them out of the house, and I bet he is glad he went by the end of the day. My now teen was always grudgingly glad I made her follow through even when it was a battle. Good luck

    • #53345
      Penny Williams
      Keymaster

      At 8 years old, don’t worry about if his current behavior will continue as an adult — that’s too far off. Plus, ADHD is a developmental disorder, so he’s 2-3 years behind his age in skills and development. That means you’re parenting a 5-6 year old.

      I would set up a reward system for this one goal of going to classes every day and not skipping Mondays. We have dealt with some serious school refusal with our son and writing up a behavior contract that includes a reward every time he attends school for 10 days straight without fussing or leaving early (a bonus amount on his allowance). It has helped.

      More Than Meds: A Guide to ADHD Behavior Modification

      Penny
      ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #53609
      anomalocaris
      Participant

      i would stand firm on it. He’s 8 years old (and with ADD, probably emotionally younger than that), and he’s dictating to his parents whether or not he goes to school. That’s not a precedent I’d want to set for a child who already has issues. Also he’s learning that if he makes enough of a fuss, you’ll feel sorry for him and give in. Another issue is that by giving in to him now, you’re setting up inconsistent expectations which may lead to a power struggle in the fall, because all summer he’s been allowed to be in charge and then suddenly in the fall you’ll be telling him that he’s not in charge anymore. It might be exhausting to deal with the drama he generates now, but it will be much harder in the fall when you’ve given him that much power and then you try to take it back. I know that sounds harsh, but I think kids with ADD are ultimately better off with consistency and clear expectations than with navigating inconsistent boundaries. The reason I think that is because I WAS a kid with ADD. 🙂

    • #117053
      Meowfii
      Participant

      So I am 15 and soon to graduate freshman year of highschool. My mother is forcing me to go to summer school despite the fact I don’t need it whatsoever. I do in fact have ADD but it’s never affected me. I really need to know, how the hell do I get out of going to summer school?! My mom is extremely stubborn, and as a result I’ve never been allowed to have an opinion when dealing wih a “one person argument,” or in other words a lecture. I don’t know how I can confront her about the issue. I want to finally breath from being in highschool for a few months, not take useless classes that is not only going o waste my time, but also ruin my summer.

      • This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by Meowfii.
    • #117090
      Dr. Eric
      Participant

      There is no easy answer for finding the balance of how hard to push for improvement to giving down time to decompress and be happy.

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