March 8, 2018 at 2:06 pm #78427SemibaParticipant
Growing up, before ever knowing I had ADHD, I adapted and developed rules and habits that helped me be successful. After having a breakdown, I can’t make myself re-engage those old habits. Does anyone have suggestions for small steps I can take to get there?
Gradually, stressful situations wore me down. I had (unknowingly) married a woman with severe ADHD as well. She had *not* developed the same rules and habits, and, however much I loved/love her, acted like a chaotic wrecking ball on the structure I’d set up.
I crashed eventually. The stress of trying to keep my family’s life together became too much. About this time I got diagnosed with ADHD and became medicated.
Regardless, I got demoted at work, and I’ve barely been able to do the minimum required to not get fired since then. In my personal life, I withdrew socially and “checked out” while at home, again doing the minimum to get by and absorbing myself in books and video games to ignore the problems I had (unsuccessfully) battled before. As you can imagine, this led to worse and worse problems financially, emotionally, and for my family in general.
The spiral has to stop. I’ve managed to keep things afloat for several years now, but only just barely. I need to find a way to start moving my life direction back the *other* way. However, every time I’ve tried to impose the necessary force of will, my brain skitters away from it. I think, emotionally, I’m avoiding the stressfulness of it since it led to a breakdown last time.
My wife only got diagnosed with ADHD last month, and isn’t medicated yet. She had previously been misdiagnosed as Bipolar 1, in part due to severe depression and anxiety that accompanied her ADHD. I have some (small) hope that she will receive more effective treatment now and life will become less chaotic.
However, I can’t control or change her behavior. I *can* control mine. Do any of you have suggestions regarding a gradual – *very gradual* – road back? Telling myself to pony up because I’m going to DO THIS has been laughably unsuccessful. It’s going have to be gradual or nothing.
- This topic was modified 2 years, 12 months ago by Semiba.
March 9, 2018 at 9:12 am #78511Penny WilliamsKeymaster
Tackle one habit at a time. I’d start by making as much of your life routine as possible. Once you have settled into some routines, add in the habit that you found most beneficial before. Changing one’s behavior patterns takes a lot of consistency, repetition, and TIME. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Trainer on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism
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