November 17, 2019 at 7:37 am #134657AlyMarinaParticipant
I’ve always been a little different. Now, from many sources, online and one on one conversations, I’m okay with believing that most adults who have been diagnosed with ADHD will share a similar upbringing. One where they were told they were SO BRIGHT, engaged in class and were enthusiastic to help others ….but they just seemed like they didnt care or try enough for themselves.They answer all the questions and show proof that their essay topics are sorted out..The teacher saw the outline…it was great…but nothing was ever handed in, and a 10% grade deduction for each day late didn’t motivate them.
I feel like, instead of asking me what’s wrong, they tried to correct me with detentions where I’d write a one page letter explaining what I will do better next time to avoid it. You don’t do that to anyone. Because you don’t know how they process information, you need to teach them because we’re not all wired the same.
I once had a math tutor who was teaching me some algebra which involved basics. My biggest struggles were simple-but not drilled in our heads-mathematics. My brain says 8×3=Nope.
But 9×3=27 because you take the multiplier and subtract one. 9×6=54. As long as I could remember that the first digit was whatever 9 is being multiplied minus one, my brain would remember the second digit.
I’m not incapable of folding the laundry. I’m actually a great folder. I am who I am today, but tomorrow I may find a drive to organize many parts of my home and life..and I’ll find it rewarding because I happened to be bored of watching The dog whisperer and needed to move, so I chose laundry and ended up feeling good after I realized I just did laundry with no one forcing me to. “We all WANT to do things other than chores but you just gotta do the tedious stuff first” I KNOW THAT but I don’t know where to start. Too many socks. some underwear fold weirder than others. do I have enough heavy hangers for the heavy sweaters? Maybe I’ll just get rid of all the small stuff first cuz finding matching socks is like a scavenger hunt where the prize is…more laundry. Nevermind. Move on to the hyperfocusing on pants and how to fold them like Marie kondo.
Im 27 years old, Im okay with being like this I really am..it won’t go away, but I’m tired of trying to be fixed rather than guided
Here’s a great example my boyfriend did that I loved. Instead of saying “it’s simple you’re thinking too much. I literally can fold your load of laundry in 15 minutes, try it”. He said “I’ll do it with you” and he caught me when I was about to walk away because I saw there was a fitted bed sheet to fold, and he said nvm that we’ll get to it after, one item at a time! One pair of jeans just fold it 2 or 3 times over and put away in this drawer, nothin fancy..and get into a rhythm of one by one. It was awesome. He knew I would get stressed about which drawer to put things in so we just emptied out a drawer full of clothes I never wear to start with. he didn’t judge me, he found a way to explain it so my brain couldn’t disagree. I didn’t feel bad that I needed the guidance. I KNOW HOW but I’ve never proven that I can and he did that with me rather than force me to figure it out like In detention.
Sometimes i feel I would be happier not knowing I had ADHD. Because now all I do is research symptoms and medications and ways to find other people like “me”. I feel tired of figuring this out..but I know I’m getting there. Part of it is being around ppl that will not judge you, because when they do it hurts terribly and we run away from things we might not do right.
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