Private outburst to coworker spreads around the office.

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    • #85177

      I’m going through a tough time at the moment with my Dad being in hospital and my Mum relapsing after being sober for the longest time in 10 years so suffice to say I’m feeling stressed out about everything in my life at the moment.

      Last week I’m at a work drinks thing and after all the crap going on in my life I’m feeling strung out and in an emotionally vulnerable situation. I drink more than I should around people who don’t know me that well and end up having a rant about one guy we work with who wasn’t there. It wasn’t nasty or even directed at him in particular but rather just a jumbled mess of crap that’s been building up for a while that came out all wrong. I have a tendency to over exaggerate emotion and conflate ideas so people who don’t know me well will take that at face value which is totally fair I guess.

      I felt guilty about it instantly and beat myself up about it all weekend. Come Monday I’m still feeling sheepish so when he comes into work in a terrible mood and won’t speak to me I get the impression he knows all about it from the person I was talking to on the night. I guess this type of thing spreads around and now a few people have started acting cold and weird towards me all week, no ones said anything to me but I can tell there’s something off. The thing is I really like this guy and I’ve honestly got nothing against him but any action on my part now will just make me look like I’m backpedaling and trying to make myself feel better. I mean how do you even explain that type of thing to someone without sounding like you’re lying or that you’re making excuses for being an asshole?

      I’m starting to feel pretty isolated at work and I don’t know what to do. I guess I just continue like nothing happened and address it if it’s brought up to me? Even then, how do I explain that I didn’t mean what I said at all and that I don’t actually believe what I said? I already get the impression they think I’m a liar because I forget simple details and get mixed up easily but I never intentionally mean to deceive or hurt people. On top of all my other shit I don’t think I can handle this added stress for much longer. I’m starting to think maybe I am just a nasty person and that I’m using my ADHD as an excuse to get away with this crap. I don’t know, any advice would be great.

    • #85257
      meshapeterson88
      Participant

      Something similar happened to me while I was in nursing school virtually all of the friends and relationships that I have developed within the past two years have completely vanished because of my miscommunications I am very outspoken and enthusiastic and like you said I’m emotional as well so I tend to over exaggerate everything and they just couldn’t put up with me anymore because they too thought I was also lying all the time even though I would really just get details mixed up so I feel for you but I think you should do is to directly talk to The man that you were supposedly venting about and you need to tell him exactly what’s going on in your life and how much stress you were put under and apologize for possibly speaking about him in the manner that has been spread around and I would just apologize for even bringing him up in a conversation that may be viewed negatively and that you would have never done this if you wer I think that I could have possibly saved my friendships if I would have communicated to them earlier what exactly went wrong and how I miscommunicated because by the time I tried it months had already passed and it was extremely awkward to even bring up the situation e sober. Sorry if you can’t read this post posting from the auto vocal text on my phone

    • #85205
      samsonrmw
      Participant

      You’re obviously not a nasty person at all or you would not be worried about this. A really nasty person would have moved on to more nasty-ness. You are probably a very nice person and if you are a normal ADHD’r, you may care about others (feelings, goals, etc) more than your own, and you worry about what others think of you, your reputation, etc.

      You have taken responsibility for what you did ( at least here) and you have acknowledged what caused the problem. (you are under stress already because of your family issues, and too many cocktails led to oversharing with your co-workers) You are probably overly sensitive to other peoples reactions to you so you may be imagining some of the strong reaction you feel you are receiving.

      You have 2 options: 1.) don’t do anything at all and let it blow over or 2.) speak to the 2 people involved (the co-worker you chatted with and the guy you chatted about). Apologizing will help you forgive yourself and release you from beating yourself up more.

      Here are 2 good articles on apologizing that may help
      https://www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2016/04/14/study-reveals-the-6-key-components-of-an-effective-apology/#2ea53ad95be4
      https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201311/the-five-ingredients-effective-apology?eml

    • #85458
      Simpleoneaz
      Participant

      I sure relate. I don’t hang out with coworkers after hours nor do I drink with them. I get myself in enough trouble working with them all day. I wish I could just tape my mouth shut. I literally yelled at a coworker 2 weeks ago. Though she was completely out of line, there is never a good reason to lose my cool and holler at my work neighbor. I immediately told my manager what I did and asked her for some guidance. She knows I have ADHD, her husband has it too. We talked, I didn’t get in trouble but my anger needs attention. I’m currently in therapy talking things through and it helps. My 2 cents, apologize, forgive yourself and focus on work. There will be a new drama in the workplace any day now that they’ll focus on. I’m sorry about your mom and her sobriety, that’s stressful.

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