November 7, 2019 at 11:04 am #133816
I am a 51 yr old woman diagnosed with ADHD a year ago. I am taking delmosart (concerta) with v little improvement.
I struggle with communication and feel very judged by my kids (ages 16,19 and 22). Is there any info that could explain how hard normal mothering is for me so they might be a bit more compassionate?
I work in a v stressful environment at a job I hate. I have total responsibility for family budgeting cleaning groceries cooking kids. I am completely overwhelmed and drowning. I believe my husband has inattentive type add but he has no interest in finding treatment.
ADHD is viewed with suspicion here. My sister is a Dr and does not believe it exists. I have no family support and find it difficult to maintain relationships. Providing for my family feels like torture to me and they seem to hate me for it. I know I sound self-pitying but honestly obsessing about suicide to escape
November 7, 2019 at 11:17 am #133822
I see several things here and experience some of them myself.
1. Speak to your Psych about the suicide thoughts immediately. They can prescribe Wellbutrin or something else that helps
1A. I also feel persecuted by my wife and am finding little improvement from various stimulants
1b. Wellbutrin helped me greatly with suicidal escape thoughts
2. Unfortunatley MOm’s are burdened with the care of the family to a greater degree.
2A. Family counseling with your husband possibly . Or calmly asking him for more actionable help.
3.Are the kids parroting back parental behavior?
November 7, 2019 at 1:26 pm #133853
First and foremost, suicidal ideation is the main concern. If you need assistance, consider the following:
1. National Suicide Lifetime – 800-273-8255 or you can chat online and text as well
2. Go to your local emergency room
3. Seek an emergency session with your current provider
Second, I know it can be hard but it isn’t your responsibility to educate the masses about the legitimacy of ADHD. There are ways that you can approach that if it’s important, but what’s more important is getting the support you need. If you need assistance at home, maybe it can be helpful to address things through counseling (marital or individual) and also through doing things like reading the “5 Love Languages” or downloading the free app. You and your husband can both do the quiz and learn about your style of love if you haven’t already done this.
Also, what is it that you want or need more of at home to give you the support you need? Have you asked for that before? If so, what was the response? If you can’t get that support at home, are there ways to bring that support in? Or are there things that can be taken off the plate that can be let go, such as cleaning the house only once a week instead of every day, or cutting back on meal preparation and eating prepared foods.
There’s no easy solution. But again, first and foremost, if you’re contemplating suicide then that is the urgent priority. Suicidal thoughts are normal, but getting them addressed is paramount.
November 11, 2019 at 9:14 am #134053
Please reach out to someone to talk about your suicidal thoughts and to get help. Here is a list of international hotlines: https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/.
It can be stressful to feel judged and it definitely makes things more difficult. You know that you’re doing the best you can and you have to lean on that.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism
November 11, 2019 at 6:08 pm #134173
I would definitely talk to someone about your suicidal feelings. Have you tried any other medications? I’ve triedAbout 15. Only one works vyvanse but I’m willing to try more and more and more and more until I find something that helps. I’m 42 I’m overwhelmed and I drown myself in self-pity sometimes. Just hold on. It won’t everbe perfect but it will be a lot better.I I am a father of two kids. I wash the clothes I wash the dishes I clean the sinks and the tub’s. I clean the bathrooms. My wife Has a lot on her plate too. She doesn’t believe in ADD.But that’s just life .nobody believesWhat you’re going through is as bad as it is until they’re going through it too. The stigma is so bad I never told my fatherAnd I never will.
December 22, 2019 at 12:43 pm #137059
I am currently compiling a list of podcast episodes for another discussion that speak to some of these concerns. I will try to remember to post them here as well..😬
Meanwhile.. the ADDitude Adhd podcast experts is a great place to start. Recent episodes through November and December have a handful of issues covered that I think would be if great value to you.
I use Apple Podcast player app for Apple devices and Stitcher app for Android/Samsung
December 26, 2019 at 11:38 am #137204
Ciara, how are things going these days for you? Better, I hope.
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