May 11, 2020 at 8:26 am #171568
I have been wanting to write this for sometime but couldn’t for fear that speaking how I feel would hurt those I love. My partner of 6 years was diagnosed with ADHD when he was young, but only recently told me of his diagnosis after I read an article about symptoms and realized that all of the trouble we have had was very much like the relationship in the article. When I said to him, do you think you could have ADHD he said O yeah I do I thought you could figure it out. It changed our world and also clarified certain issues we were having, but also made me reevaluate our son’s behavior. My daughter from a previous relationship also lives with us and I feel pulled and exhausted. I know that the best for our son is to have a regular schedule, limit sweets and screen time but with my partner that has ADHD I feel as I am the only one trying to keep us on track and actually working against the impulsive of my partner. On the other side I feel like my daughter gets less attention because I am so busy trying to keep the guys on track. I am tired and not sure what to do. My partner has a lot of guilt and shame because of his ADHD and I am afraid that will be passed on to our son, who has not been diagnosed yet but does show some signs. I notice all of this great advice and articles but nothing addresses what I am going through so I just need some advice.
May 11, 2020 at 11:48 am #171589
The way to start making change is to seek evaluation and treatment for those in the family with ADHD. Treatment can take a little of the burden of trying to keep everyone functioning well off of you.
At the same time, make certain you are carving out time for your daughter, for just her. My daughter and I used to have one day every 2 weeks that was all about her. No one was allowed to call us or text us and we did whatever she wanted to do. It helped her feel valued and loved and gave her a reprieve from life with a sibling with ADHD.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism
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