Parent with AD/HD, son without AD/HD

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  strwbry 4 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #87265

    juliegarbus
    Participant

    I have an issue I haven’t seen much about online, but I’m sure I’m not the only parent experiencing it. I have AD/HD. My husband and son do not. I try hard to manage my AD/HD with medication and counseling, but it still affects my daily life a lot. I lose things, forget to do tasks, bump into curbs with my car, struggle to organize my desk and papers, and sometimes blurt out tactless comments. I have one son, age 14. Until this year, we had a very good relationship. He’s a mellow, interesting kid. But now he criticizes everything I do, especially my AD/HD moments, and won’t do anything I ask. He’s downright rude. Yes, teens can be like this. But I think this has more to do with his frustration over my AD/HD. He’s not this way with his dad at all. It doesn’t help that my husband/his dad is incredibly organized and meticulous. My AD/HD bothers him a lot–he “gets” it intellectually but seems to think that I could do better if I tried harder. (Believe me, I’m doing the best I can!). He is sometimes critical of me in front of our son. I think my son feels like it’s him and Dad against his wacky mother.
    Is there anyone else around here in a similar situation? How did you handle it? I’ve thought of going to family counseling, but I’d like to try to improve things ourselves before taking that step.

  • #87269

    got2be
    Participant

    In my family, it was my father, brother and sister against my mother and me. My mother and me had ADD. They even went as fast as saying she was crazy and that all of her problems were “in her head” and not real. I suggest counseling. You deserve to be treated with respect, especially at home. Don’t let them wear down your self-esteem.

  • #87280

    strwbry
    Participant

    ADHD is a genetic disposition! It’s so frustrating when people dismiss physiological differences as behavioral issues. It’s a lack of education, and way more hurtful than they understand. I second the notion of counseling, especially if he’s following his dad’s lead.

    I haven’t had much luck convincing others that my ADHD was real. What has helped me deal with it is my own acceptance of it. I used to hate my ADHD, but now I love it! 🙂 Anyone who loves me HAS to love my ADHD. It dictates so much of who I am. There’s no separating the two. It’s what makes me creative, fun, compassionate, a good friend. There are so many positive traits that come with it. We’re all a little wacky, too! 😉

    I found that, when I stopped focusing on the things I did wrong (which still seems to be constant), and started focusing on what I did right, other people seemed to notice them less, or at least care about the mistakes less. There’s always something to be proud of yourself for, especially if you are trying as hard as it sounds like you are trying. Sometimes, just getting out the door with both shoes on is a triumph! 😀

    Slowing down helped too. Overwhelm is exhausting, easy to get into, and makes my symptoms worse. When I stopped apologizing for the little things I couldn’t help, and genuinely apologized for the ways my ADHD affected those close to me, that seemed to help a little, too.

    One last thought, if your son is getting frustrated with his dependence on you to do/remember things, maybe he could take on a little more responsibility for those things? It would take a little off your plate and give him a little more control over the things he needs to do. May ease a little of the tension?

    Hope that helps! 🙂

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