Out of control on all fronts
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My ADD even on meds is ridiculous. I’m behind in my classes, I can’t focus at work and my house is a mess. I literally have alarms on my phone going off all day for pills and taking care of pets and studying and cleaning… the list goes on. But it’s not enough. My checks bounce because I forget to balance my checkbook, I forget to pay bills. And if I don’t write what I need to do on my hand it will never get done.
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Start by taking a deep breath and realizing that you can’t change everything all at once. Start with what’s most important, get that under control, and then move on to the next thing.
Hire help whenever you can. Someone to clean your house once every week or two? An accountant to handle your finances? If you can get a couple stressors off your plate, you will be better able to manage what you have to.
Have you tried a finance app/online software like Mint? It’s free and amazing. I use it myself. You can connect all your bank, credit cards, and loan accounts and see everything in real time. You can even pay most of your bills from it.
Here’s some expert advice for creating structure and routine to tone down the chaos:
Penny
ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism-
You could be talking about me… I will look at all the information that Penny posted and post how or if any of it helps
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first of all don’t try and control Add pr ADHD, you cant and you will end up making things worse by trying to do this. I tried for years and ended up making myself so stressed by trying to be like neurotypicals that i had a breakdown or two along the way. It is all the self judgement snds trying to fit into moulds that you were never intended to fit into anyway. ANd i was a single mum with two sons and a full time job so not an easy life.
Prioritise – what matters most of all.
Challenge the social values that say you must be like this to be a good mum / person etc. rubbish be how you are
stop – just stop rushing and trying to be something you can never be even with Meds. then look and see what you are good at. there will be lots of things that you perhaps don’t even recognise
let go of the demands you place on yourself and pick something that really matters and see if you can do that one thing, just that and nothing else for now. You might feel that this is impossible but i promise you it isn’t. If you feel like you cant do this because there is just too much to cope with just stop and watch a film with your children and share some real quality time with them. THen see if the sky has fallen in yet. or go for a picnic etc. anything that enables you to completely stop for a while and let go of your anxieties for today. Then pick one thing the comes next and do it like that.
Sure you will get distracted, tell yourself that is ok too, if you notice you are distracted then just notice it without judgement or despair and come back to the ask in hand. Keep doing that until you get it done and then you will notice that lots of other things happened when you got distracted each time but that is ok too, some might have been useful and some just interesting
here is an article i wrote about ADH and mindfulness that might help too https://medium.com/@sylviaclare/adhd-and-mindfulness-a-users-guide-54d9cf3c47f1 -
Are you sure you are taking the right medication and its right dosage for you?
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yes this – could you try time-delay medication so you take one dose a day instead of having all these alarms adding to your stress and giving you scope for ‘failure’ that is unhelpful?
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This may sound ridiculous, but I have found something that helps. I love aroma therapy, and found that putting a drop of lavender oil on my pillow helps me sleep. So when I saw the Aveda Chakra sprays in my hair salon, I started trying them one at a time. That didn’t make much difference, but when I bought them all and used them as a meditation device first thing in the AM I found myself actually more focused, less anxious, and able to work with more intention.
It’s free to read up on here: http://www.misterchakra.com/
The sprays are expensive to buy all at one time – but cheaper than meds and it’s lovely to smell so good.
In the meantime, set up your bills to either autopay or notify you by email, put everything you need in a bowl on the counter, and stop beating up on yourself.
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