Opening up

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    • #84866

      Hi everyone,

      I’ve had ADHD for a while now. I am in a long term relationship currently and right now it is in a serious rut. I have the biggest issues with opening up to my partner and I see how much it hurts and frustrates him. I also have such an issue with answering simple/ direct questions. Instead of giving an answer I end up rephrasing the question and just find my way around the question which just makes a heated argument. Please give me tips on how to help this thank so much!

    • #84973

      Hi, I am a adult woman with a late diagnosis and also have a difficult time opening up. For me, I am afraid if I tell people what I really think, feel, etc. that they won’t like me anymore — and I need everyone to like me lol. I have a couple of tools I use for this. The first is to remember that if this person didn’t already love me, he wouldn’t still be with me after x amount of time. The second is that i put myself in the shoes of the other person. Have you ever called a business to ask what time they open or close (since what’s posted on Yelp may not be accurate)? When I do make this call I just want a direct answer and anything else is frustrating! Or ask where someone would like to go to lunch? Or where should I meet you? These are all examples of questions I have asked friends at one point or another and when I haven’t gotten a direct answer it has been frustrating. And I know that whatever they say won’t matter with regard to how I feel about them. All of this is just what works for me. I admit it isn’t always easy to step back in the middle of a conversation. Sometimes I ask my partner for a timeout. This lets my brain calm down enough to function again and then I use my tools. Hope some of my experience helps you think of some new approaches for your life. Thanks for the opportunity to share…

    • #84983

      This is so true. He is still around and he does indeed love me. You’re right about taking a walk in his shoes and seeing his point of view. This helped a lot thanks so much.

    • #85022
      Penny Williams

      Here are some communication tips for relationships where one or both partners haas ADHD:

      Sick of Arguing? It Might Be Time For a Smarter Compromise

      Tips for Couples

      ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

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