ODD x 2 and Each Child is Different
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Me: I have 3 biological boys, am divorced and remarried. I married a man with… wait for it… 3 biological boys. Yep, Brady Bunch on steroids. Not only that, but it is basically three sets of twins. We have two that are 20, two 16, and two 11.
Child 1: My biological child was diagnosed, at my pushing and insistence, when he was 4 and has continued through therapy and treatment both privately and at school. He has an IEP to assist, as well as a fantastic team of people to help with all his behavioral issues. He is ODD, ADHD, Anxiety Disorder, Adjustment Disorder, and recently added is Social Anxiety Disorder. My main focus is the ODD in my search for input from others, and I will get to that in a moment.
Child 2: My husband’s son, same age as child 1 (both are 11). He was diagnosed, to quote the doctor, “We had to come up with something to explain his behavior because his intelligence level is in the top 99% with a score of 135. So, we came to ODD.” He does have ADHD, too, and this is definitely exhibited in much of his day-to-day behavior.
ODD Child 1: He is defiant. You say black and he will say white. You say he is great and he’ll say he is awful. You say go to your room and he’ll say no. And recently, since puberty started, he has become aggressive (a trait he had back in Kindergarten but we got under control and nothing he took out on other people, just injured himself) and threatening. He even went so far as to hit me, which was a huge shocker. However, he is honest, he is very gentle and kind hearted, he feels the guilt and sadness for his actions, and he wants to get control. He connects.
ODD Child 2: When asked a question after getting caught in another of a long list of lies he answers “I don’t know”. If he is asked about being remorseful or sorry he answers “I don’t know”. If we give him the answer, I mean literally verbatim what to say and what he should think, and we ask do you have anything to say he answers either “I don’t know” or “no”. When we try to connect him to how his choices/actions/behaviors impact others and we ask if he thought about that or cares about this impact he answers “I don’t know” (have you gotten the sense that this is a big cuss phrase that I want banished from all vocabulary around the world?). He does not connect or get upset about his actions; he gets upset about getting caught and then he attempts to just avoid ownership/accountability using the stock “I don’t know”. He never considerations people’s feelings, he has made threatening comments about harming people and animals, as well as is a continual/perpetual fibber.
QUESTION: Both kids have the same diagnosis, but each their own unique attributes associated to the diagnosis. This combined with being a blended family, I’m looking for people with similar experiences or a child/children of their own to share some insight to methods that have worked to help them become better people than the psychological outlook is presenting.
Thank you in advance.
Beth -
That blanket response of “I don’t know” very likely has more to do with slow processing and not being able to communicate thoughts and feelings well than it does with simply being oppositional.
If you haven’t, I recommend you read “The Explosive Child” by Ross Greene. His approach really works and can make vast improvements for both boys and the family in general.
Time for Plan B? 10 Tips for Dealing with an Explosive Child
Free Webinar Replay: ODD and ADHD: Strategies for Parenting Defiant Children
Penny
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism -
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