Obnoxious Attention Seeking Behavior

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    • #144653
      smkp76
      Participant

      My spouse is adhd. I feel like he act/behaves in a way that’s loud,jarring, somewhat obnoxious or rude, inappropriate – and he thinks he’s funny- it’s like he acts this way to be shocking or to come across as “wild and crazy” to everyone around him. Thing is, he cannot stand all eyes on him situations but I can’t help thinking his shock value behavior is some strange way of being the center of attention. I don’t get it. I also cannot stand the intensity of his behavior.its just not funny and he actually gets annoyed with me for not finding his locker room humor funny. IDK is this a thing or is he just a 40 year old man-child?

    • #144699
      momonamission
      Participant

      I am 30 years old. I have to be honest, I behave the same way. (I was only diagnosed a year ago) I very much can’t stand being the center of attention, so much so that I made sure my wedding ceremony was less than 15 minutes long. I am socially awkward and always feel out of place, even when it’s a room full of family and friends. My husband will tell you I can be incredibly harsh with my words, make inappropriate comments and come off almost exactly how you described your husband. I certainly don’t do it for the attention. 9/10 times, I have no idea that I’m behaving that way or that my commentary is coming across as rude or obnoxious but when my husband brings it to my attention, naturally I become internally embarrassed and outwardly defensive. He may be feeling really uncomfortable and even at 40 years old, has no idea how to channel it and depending on the type of people he grew up hanging around, that type of behavior was probably funny and acceptable and was his “niche” in the group.

      Try talking to him about it, just don’t use the “your behavior ticks me off” approach. Try to be understanding and find out not why he does it, but why he doesn’t find anything wrong with it. My husband had to get creative to help me see that it was coming off poorly. And when I still didn’t make an effort to work on it, he recruited his grandfather (who is very straight forward) to tell me that my input into a conversation was in fact, rude, obnoxious and completely uncalled for. It was horrible and I was mortified, buuuuuuuutttt I’m now far more conscious of the words coming out of my mouth.

    • #144723
      smkp76
      Participant

      Thank you!

    • #144729
      Gazettechan
      Participant

      I have the same situation with my sister and her husband. Thanks for the tip guys!

    • #145338
      michael petan
      Participant

      I have ADHD, I”m 60, here is what i can tell you from my own experience. When we act out, YES we’re looking for attention. BUT PLEASE remember that most of us with ADHD are learning disabled. So when we are in a group, or face to face or a party or even with friends we “must find a way to communicate” or as you say get attention but really as odd as it is we want to fit in. For me i used and still use humor, I was raised by a strict Italian Mom, south-side chciago, So i was “trained” to respect women so my humor was always respectful. But damn I swear a lot, i use humor and say things most people think to themselves but i say out load, people laugh, I get attention, they say damn your fu_king funny.” My point is i WISH of time when i can walk into a group and have them say “that dude is so smart” but my ADHD has made me feel numb with dumb for a lifetime. So i struggle and the easy way is to use humor. I understand their is BAD HUMOR, but let your husband know your in his corner, no one goes into a room wanted to look like an assh_le! Right? My wife relaxes me by holding my hand, rubbing my back and letting me know she love me as is, and most importantly she lets me know, it;s okay to still, quite and not compete for attention. Make sense? I hope. but ADHA makes us feel stupid and we all try to prove we’re not, ATTENTION is a drug. Love and respect to you! Give him comfort, and yes you do have a right to complain and be upset when the humor is offensive or hurtful, ADHD has a bigger impact on those around us.

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