May 1, 2020 at 4:04 am #170846
I’m a 49 year old male. I appear to be pretty balanced and together but I’ve not accomplished much in my adult life. I Always thought my problems came from a lack of self confidence or perfectionism. I performed quite well at school especially in arts subjects. Problems started to surface for me on my design degree when I began a pattern of starting but not completing tasks and projects. This pattern continued throughout my working life. I haven’t worked in years.
I’ve reached a point in life after many depression and anxiety meds, therapy, an autoimmune diagnosis and addiction problems where I need to sort this out or I may consider ending my life. I’m afraid to be old , financially ruined and unable to function in the modern world.
Recently I’ve had some respite. It’s dawned on me that I might have adhd and I feel like something heavy has been taken off me. THIS MIGHT NOT BE MY FAULT. I’ve tried to get help, therapy or a diagnosis in the last year but the world has bigger problems at the moment.
Those closest to me are not convinced I have this or at least are trying to convince me I’m ok and shouldn’t over identify. This is causing frustration on my part.
A list of symptoms/issues
low self esteem: I’m ugly,useless,runt of litter
Shame followed by inflated self worth.. I’m brilliant!
anger, rage, prone to outbursts
Manic creative mind.. everyday a new venture to make me rich and bring worldwide recognition
Failure to start or complete projects followed by depression
Drift off during conversation
Dismissive of anything that doesn’t interest me
Problems with intimacy..: partners breathing, touch can enrage me. I want anonymity but this creates shame and guilt as I love my partner.
Money problems,always being bailed out
Hyperactive, walk and walk sometimes 8 miles a day with my wonderful imagination for company
Often use inappropriate words, jumble up words or say random things: I often have a name or phrase in my head which replays constantly
Head banging since childhood possibly as a remedy for emotional flooding.. no idea!
Earliest memory was bursting into tears in a theatre…overstimulated etc…
Occasional hyper focus
empathy for underdog
Social justice warrior
A tendency towards rebelliousness
Addicted to everything tea, coffee, food, sex etc.
May 1, 2020 at 1:51 pm #170896ComebackPlayeroftheYearParticipant
I believe you.
I’m 50, got diagnosed ADHD a month after I turned 50 in October. Yep, do I ever identify with your list. I’m no doc, but I think your instinct is right.Find a doc that specializes in ADHD, IMO, and attack this…and set yourself up for an improved second half of life. Because knowing is a good portion of the battle..once diagnosed properly, you will be in a better position to adapt. And maybe most important, cut back on the critiquing of self. Because guess what? You have been doing the best you could, all this time. And that is all we can ask of ourselves!
May 2, 2020 at 2:11 am #170954
Thank you for believing me. As you probably know yourself one can get used to feeling like you’re exaggerating or being extreme or suggestible. I’ve always known or suspected something was different so it’s nice to know I’m not alone. I like what you say about starting a new chapter in life which gives me hope. I hope you’re doing ok . I now know what my next steps are . I’ll be copying your reply and re reading it whenever I need encouragement.
- This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by Sarensi.
September 23, 2020 at 12:20 am #184113GazettechanParticipant
I believe in you. Believe in yourself, you are a beautiful creation!
May 1, 2020 at 2:32 pm #170904Penny WilliamsKeymaster
The only way to know for sure is to seek a professional evaluation.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism
May 1, 2020 at 5:51 pm #170947Laura C.Participant
It’s not uncommon for people to be diagnosed with ADHD for the first time in their forties and fifties. The diagnoses barely existed when we were kids.
Obviously, you need to get professional help, but as you point out, the world has bigger problems right now.
SO you have a problem of what to do in the long run, and what to do now.
For now, arm yourself with information. It sound like you are suffering from rejection sensitive dysphoria, which is the real killer of ADHD. Not are you more sensitive to rejection, your likely to receive more of it, particularly as you are meeting resistance from friends and family.
There are a lot of good articles on this sight about rejection sensitive dysphoria. I hope that you read, and realize that you are not alone in this. A lot of us struggle with it.
May 2, 2020 at 2:21 am #170956
Thank you Laura. I’d never heard of RSD but having read up on it a little overnight, I can identify closely with it. I’ll take your advice and seek out a professional in the long run. In the meantime I’ll do some more reading. I do feel better about it already. Just being heard is very powerful.
June 1, 2020 at 2:09 am #173037
It’s a month since I posted this. I’ve not managed to do any major reading but I’ve listened to a few of the podcasts and read some online articles. I think also that I feel happier knowing that I’m not sabotaging myself in the way I used to believe I was.
I’ve not had much success convincing my GP that I might need help. They told me I’d never get a diagnosis in My borough and that ADHD should have been flagged up at school.
If anyone can help direct me to a specialist I’d be very grateful. I’m looking forward to joining some meet ups after this Covid crisis subsides.
Thanks again to those who reached out, it means a lot
August 3, 2020 at 9:58 am #180567splinesParticipant
I have almost the exact same story. I was diagnosed in May (yes in the middle of the pandemic), at 46.
My epiphany came in January, after reading ADHD articles in hopes of helping my son (diagnosed 2 years ago), thinking my childhood and his are very similar. The genetic link caused me to seek out testing to see if I was affected (this appears to be a common story amongst those diagnosed as adults).
When you and I were kids, ADHD was even more misunderstood than it is now, and the fact that you were not diagnosed as a kid is not a sign you aren’t negatively affected.
I did very well in school, but I suffered from high anxiety (also not treated very well). So without a “learning disability” I was overlooked.
Here in Canada, I was able to find a psychologist who would do the testing, and relay the results to a general practitioner who specializes in adult ADD.
I believe you, and I think you already know too. Getting the diagnosis will help, getting medication, if you need it, will help. But your GP does not understand ADHD (at least in adults), if they say you can’t have it if you went undiagnosed as a child.
I can’t recommend any particular practitioner, but I would recommend seeking out a psychologist who can diagnose ADD in adults, and have them recommend a doctor for medical treatment, and counselling for the rest. Again, for me, this was done remotely via video conference appointments, so the restrictions on social distancing should not be a factor.
I believe ADDitude has resources to be able to help you locate someone local, and another resource that might be useful to you is
August 4, 2020 at 2:10 am #180643h_jenny27Participant
i agree! i belive i have ADD but i haven´t been diagnosed yet. However i´ve been educating myself and the more i do, the more i believe i hace ADD. My Theraphist thinks i may have it, so i told my parents about it. They´re health workers but their response was very dissappointing since they think it´s not a big deal but it is a big deal for me, they really don´t know what it is like to deal with ADD when ypu haven´t been diagnosed and aren´t getting any help or treatment.
September 22, 2020 at 6:44 am #184048
I am 31 year old male. I have almost all the symptoms oof adhd and I am having an appointment with Dr. For tdiagnosis in 15 days. But until now I always face an
1) I don’t have interest in well being of my wife and my 3 year old son as me and my wife have discussions over my same mistakes on past 6 years. But till now I have felt bad for them and I love them. I couldn’t not tried holistically to solve the problem. Is it also an effect of adhd?
2) I have lost interest on life, I believe I am a loser, I can’t do anything, I am always a bad father , bad dad and so on.
3) Does anyone have similar problems
Pls suggest what to do?
I am completely lost , completely lost self esteem, confidence and sure I am having adhd
Pls put your thoughts across.
- This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by Struggler. Reason: Changes name
September 22, 2020 at 6:55 am #184050
Don’t lose hope .. I am sure you should get a adhd diagnosis and keep going on from that point. I have some similarities to you with respect to emotional points. We are here to discuss our problems and let’s go ahead and see life what it has…
September 22, 2020 at 4:33 pm #184096Dragonfly2874Participant
I believe you. You need to keep trying to see a professional. I’m seeing ADHD and maybe Bipolar……Good luck and hang in there!
September 23, 2020 at 1:29 am #184119
Hello Dragonfly ,
Thanks for your kind words
September 23, 2020 at 2:19 am #184120
Can anyone educate me or let me know if you have similar problems or experiences.
1) Whenever i go to bed. I sleep very soon. But at that time something goes in my mind and I feel asleep. Also in my sleep I can figure out sometimes that something is always buzzing in my head. But I couldn’t understand what is going on. Having said that even if I have so called sleep for 8 or 9 hours I always wanted to sleep more.
2) I had no motivation to get out of bed early. My only reason to get up was that in a fear I should do some physical household things before my spouse gets. If I don’t do it then I will have unpleasant discussions which I am not ready to hear.
3) When I am awake there is some thing always going on my mind so I cannot have a good coordination between my body and mind. E.g I say something and do something which is contradictory to what I said.
4) More importantly I fidget a lot.
5) I pay very less attention to things around me. B E.g. I hit my self many times by not noticing my part of a body is against the door I open. I always pmake things around me fall down without noticing it.
6) When someone asks me to find out something inhabe trouble finding it. I also become nervous if it’s from my wife who already branded me I am useless. But in office environment I spend long time searching a thing.
7) I also misplace things very often. Meaning putting it in wrong place and searching for it.
8) I have problem listening . Especially recollecting what people said few moments ago.
9) I also have problem understanding what others say. Mainly my wife. She always complain I live in my world and try not to understand her. But in office environment I dont have that problem much. But I seldom have such problems.
9) I often don’t meet deadlines. Luckily my career goes good with people who doesn’t care if I spill my deadline.
10) I feel sad for no reason. I feel I am useless. If I do something wrong in my work. I feel and exaggerated to an extent that I am going to lose job.
Are these symptoms of adhd?
September 23, 2020 at 2:33 am #184121joansmithParticipant
I believe in you. Get help… keep your closed ones close and never ever give up easily. Become strong and fight this. We’re with you.
September 23, 2020 at 5:29 pm #184146GazettechanParticipant
I believe in you, and start believing in yourself!
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