March 20, 2018 at 1:58 pm #79416JarleaxelParticipant
I just started Ritalin twice a day at 20mg each on Thursday after just being diagnosed at 40 in July. It was amazing how much better I feel. I moved in to a new apartment in February and my living room was just a pile of boxes both packed and unpacked. Yeah I actually dealt with that!
I actually want to plan my day because I actually believe that I will do it and not feel shame for not getting it done. Honestly don’t know how to do that well but it’s heartening to see it isn’t wasted effort.
The one thing I’m really having an issue with is actually doing my job. It is customer service in a call center. So I was definitely finding inconsistency in my performance before, with me all over the place, missing details and pushing the limits of policy to create a great experience and connection with my customers.
Now I can’t seem to find any desire to do the job at all. Before I was on Ritalin I think the thrill of the unknown, the varied emotional states and doing everything I could to resolve the reason for calling was exciting. Yeah I felt like it was not something I enjoyed but did take some pride and also stimulating.
But now I don’t really crave the drama. And while I’m on point with the details and technically providing the best job I’m required to do, I’m not impulsively seeking solutions that might not be strictly policy. Customers are still getting things resolved.
I guess the thing is I’ve been effective in my role, usually getting 3 out of 4 on performance reviews and now my outside life is less of a dumpster fire I also realize outside of the excitement and drama which was stimulating there isn’t much I really like about my job.
So what do I do now? I’m paid well, the benefits allowed me to have the resources to deal with a lot of my mental health issues with no judgement. I get that people do things that they don’t enjoy because that’s life, right?
I’ve never had to do that. I’ve just been in a storm of things happening and just found myself where ever I happened to be. Now I’m actually focused on my life I’m dealing with this for the first time and don’t know how to cope.
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