Newly diagnosed ADHD and behavior problems.

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    • #85067
      adhdmom1929
      Participant

      I have two boys one who is almost 11 and another who is 6. My youngest was diagnosed with ADHD about 6 months ago. We started noticing problems when he started kindergarten. He would not sit still, had trouble following directions, and he was starting to behave out of the ordinary. After the diagnosis we started seeing a psychologist to work on ways to improve his behaviors, his listening, and working with others. It was at this time that I noticed my older son having a lot of issues with anger and his attitude towards me and the family. I had always thought that he was the one that would be diagnosed with ADHD. He has trouble sitting and completing homework without constantly fidgeting. He also has some language problems specifically with comprehending what he reads and his writing. I feel that he has a mental age of an 8 or 9 year old. School never felt like he had an issue with ADHD so I never had him tested. The problem now is that both of them are getting out of control. I have tried the behavior charts, rewards for good behavior but it seems like every time I start, something new happens to set us back to square one. My husband doesn’t believe that the problems my sons have are due to ADHD and thinks that the more we yell at them or threaten to take away electronics that they will change. I’m sure you know it hasn’t changed just got worse. He is always mad and I feel like a horrible parent. There are times I don’t like my kids and that I don’t want to come home from work because I know as soon as I walk in there will be another problem. I truly feel defeated before I even start the next day. I love my boys very much but I don’t understand them. The anger, back talk, fighting (amongst the boys) is out of hand. I know its not that simple but how can they not understand that if they just stop yelling, fighting, back talking, etc for 5 minutes that things could be better. Although my oldest hasn’t had any trouble with school yet I feel that it is coming. He doesn’t seem to understand what he is doing or maybe he does and I am the naive one. I have been thinking about using medication with the boys but I am unsure. Can anyone give me any thoughts on if medication has worked for them and if so what was the medication? I want to be the mom my kids deserve. I see my friends and their families or their friends and I wonder why couldn’t that be us. How do I get my family through this time? Any ideas from someone who has been there would be very helpful!!

    • #85118
      Penny Williams
      Keymaster

      First and foremost, mom and dad need to truly understand ADHD. Not only understand it, but how it affects your child, and accept it instead of trying to change it.

      Traditional “crime and punishment” authoritarian parenting does not work for kids with ADHD. Instead, you have to decipher the reason behind the behavior, and address that as your actual problem. Ross Greene teaches this and a parenting approach that actually works for kids with ADHD in his books, “The Explosive Child,” and “Raising Human Beings.” I HIGHLY recommend his books and approach. It changed our lives. (He’s going to be on the ADDitude Experts webinar June 6th. Sign up here: https://www.additudemag.com/webinar/collaborative-problem-solving-teens-with-odd-adhd/.)

      Positive parenting is much more effective for kids with ADHD:

      The Single Most Helpful Strategy in Raising Your Child

      Raising a Child Who Wants to Behave

      As for medication, it improved my son’s ability to succeed a great deal. We still struggle a LOT, but exponentially less than without ADHD medication and treatment. Learn the facts about ADHD medication here: https://www.additudemag.com/stimulant-medications-for-adhd/

      Penny
      ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #114488
      RAB1206
      Participant

      I understand how you are feeling. My husband is very old-fashioned and is arguing with me about having our son’s IEP written to include his new diagnosis of ADHD.

    • #114926
      Angelacawein
      Participant

      I have four children and all of them have ADHD. My two oldest son’s 27 and 24 were diagnosed at age 5, put on medication and we did counselling for years. I did what the counselor said about discipline and it didn’t do any good. We did charts, time out, take things away, grounded them, my ex husband even spanked them, I didn’t like that and I didn’t want him to do that. They have been on their own for several years, now. I currently have a 15 yr old son and 8 year old daughter both ADHD. I don’t do things like I did before with them. I took all the things I knew didn’t work before and even asked my older son’s advice on things. Yelling doesn’t help it makes things worse. When there is an issue with something I talk with them. I made a list with all the rules and went over it with the kids. I explained the consequences if the rules were broke. We negotiated what they would be. I do a lot of positive talk to them. Being told that you do bad things all the time, doesn’t help, makes things worse. If they do something bad, we talk about why they did it and how to correct the problem. My oldest son likes to pick on his sister, he thinks its funny. My daughter would get freaked out, yelling and crying. I started going to him when he would do it and say, oh you want my attention and hug him. He didn’t like that at all and he quit doing it. I make it my business to ask my kids daily if they had a good day at school. If things are ok and if they need to talk about anything. I haven’t had any problems with them and they don’t have problems at school.

    • #114970
      Angelacawein
      Participant

      To answer your question about medication, it has helped so much! They both are on Adderall and doing great, until we run into a manufacture that doesn’t work. In the past your doctor would try Ritalin if that didn’t work then move on to something else. Now your doctor can take a swab test genesight and they can tell what medication will work best for your child. It is amazing the difference a child that needs medication can excel in academic performance, socially and their behavior improves. I know how you feel, I was saying the same things you mentioned. I felt a lone and embarrassed of my life, my children. I was afraid to take them to church or some where in public for fear that one of them would say or do something inappropriate and make me look like a bad parent or them a troubled kid. I don’t have that problem anymore. I have actually had several teachers, people I didn’t even know comment on how polite and well behaved my kids are. Now we will be out some where and one of them will say to me, “mom did you hear or see that kid over there acting bad,” I look at them and say, don’t you say anything. You have acted like that in the past. They are having a bad day.

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