New to the forum & desperately crying out for help

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  michael petan 1 month, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #167696

    suga
    Participant

    My wife and I are in our mid forties and I have 2 stepdaughter’s. My wife has add and my eldest stepdaughter who is 14 years has adhd. My youngest stepdaughter is 12 years old and has the rebellious I know everything attitude of 21. I am what the constant arguments between the girls. Majority of the time I am the one doing the cooking and cleaning up of the house while everyone is on their devices. I am frequently arguing with my wife to have the girls pitch in around the house because the are at that age and can learn to help contribute. My wife is constantly forgetting to follow up with the kids on a major of things. When I am constantly reminding everybody about brushing your teeth, pickup the cup, close the cupboards, etc I am made out to be the grumpy one.

    I love my wife and daughters dearly but am tired of battling with them and need help before it get too late… PLEASE!

    • This topic was modified 1 month, 3 weeks ago by  suga.
  • #167755

    quietlylost
    Participant

    I don’t have a lot of specific advice. I would start by trying to outline your concerns in writing, and then to find time to share those concerns with your family. You could do that as a whole, or individually with your wife and then separately with the kids. A lot of times people are unaware of what they do that affects us. If you do share things with them, also make sure to share solutions. “I feel overwhelmed when I have to remind you to do things like the dishes all the time. Maybe there’s a way that we can work together to help you remind yourself, like setting up a reminder on your phone or even giving you a reward when it gets done.”

    The other thing I’d suggest is the book “Parenting Teens with Love and Logic.” It’s a great resource on parenting and easy to understand. It’s not a judgmental book that tells you how to be a good parent, but rather how to avoid power struggles and how to have some relief as a parent.

    Good luck!

  • #167780

    Penny Williams
    Keymaster

    You need to implement strategies that get you out of the middle of it and take the place of your reminders. Create process checklists (morning, bedtime, individual chores, etc). Working memory, part of executive functioning, is often an issue for those with ADHD, so they get lost in the middle of the process or feel they’re done before they actually completed all the steps of the tasks.

    You can hand write and post lists/processes or use apps. Some people even use a device like Amazon Echo/Alexa to give reminders, so parents don’t have to nag. https://www.additudemag.com/product/echo-dot/

    Here are more ideas to help with lagging executive functioning skills:

    Bring Out Your Child’s Inner Executive

    Penny
    ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

  • #167942

    michael petan
    Participant

    ADD is a disease and your wife needs some help. Not sure what she had attempted to try, emphasize the word “try” to control ADD her symptoms. I have ADD I’m on Ritalin it helps me, not saying medication is an answer it’s not but I am saying meditation is an answer.Creating a sense of order is an answer.

    ADD really exposes it’s ugly head under stress, which is everywhere, 24 x 7. Your home life with your girls sounds normal, which is normally stressful. YES get them organized and engaged but i can also suggest that THEY all need to KNOW Mom is not well, she looks well at time acts well but she is not well. She will be erratic! SO make sure they (the girls and you) Understand the Seriousness of her illness. When we see someone suffering humans will shift behavior, they will want to help MOM. Their actions of cleaning up and asking what can i do to help will HELP. Have a meeting, not too heavy, maybe over pizza, do research with them on line, go to blogs like this, watch videos and “re-discover” this illness, treat it like a class science project, Educate them slowly, they will get it. Also make sure your providing time for yourself.

    all my love and respect

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