New relationship- the push and pull, the up and down

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    • #192861

      Hi all, my first post.
      I’m the adhd partner ( not formally diagnosed) in a relationship of 1.5 years. We both have kids, mine are late teens and hers are pre-teen.
      She has felt the push and pull from me as my intensity comes and goes but we have had amazing times together and have grown and learnt so much together. She’s crystal clear about her direction of the relationship and future and she has lovingly accepted my boys.
      I’m really struggling doing the same with her 2 younger boys who are quite different to mine. I’ve told her this in honesty and she feels it’s the “out” I’ve been looking for which is inevitable from an adhd partner losing the hyper focus stage.
      I love her deeply and I guess I’m confused if this is a hyper focus thing or if I want only to accept her and not her kids.
      Anyone else have such up and down feelings and struggle to connect with a new partners kids? Is it me? My adhd?
      MNy thanks

    • #192950
      Penny Williams

      That sounds like something you may need a therapist to help you untangle.

      I would personally feel like if you don’t accept my kids then a relationship is inappropriate.

      But it could be other forces at play here and not really that you don’t want to connect with her kids. It may be tougher for you. They may be inadvertently making it harder by not providing opportunity for connection. Maybe you haven’t had the opportunity to really get to know them enough to connect. Of course, it could be ADHD or other things or lots of things.

      ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach, Podcaster & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #192969

      Thank you Penny 🙏🏼

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