Needing to vent about 22 yr old

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This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  ADHDmomma 1 month ago.

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  • #84703

    fortuna33
    Participant

    Hi, my son is ADD inattentive, school has always been a massive struggle for him despite medication and coaching, but recently he seemed to be on track and I thought for the first time in years, wow I can finally relax. We live in France where it takes 3 years to get a bachelor’s degree, and after a few false starts he got through 2 1/2 years. This is his final semester, and he is required to do a work placement in a foreign country. He chose Russia (yes!), has been there for two months already and seems to be thriving, has made friends and loves the place he works. HOWEVER, I just learned that he never submitted any of the necessary paperwork to the university to get the placement approved, they thought he had dropped out of school and had no idea he had gone off to Russia. I had asked him several months ago if the paperwork was done and he said it was, got very angry and told me not to interfere, so I backed off. Sigh.
    I advised him to contact the university and see if they can work something out, but I suspect it will be difficult…French bureaucrats are very rigid, and he had a number of run-ins with them already (excessive absences, work not handed in, etc.)
    I am trying very hard to stay on the sidelines and let him experience the consequences, but he is still so immature, instead of admitting he did anything, his immediate reaction was, “They hate me, they’re mean, they’ll never help me.” He also stated that it wasn’t worth getting a degree anyway, so why bother? it’s all so frustrating!

  • #84731

    ADHDmomma
    Keymaster

    That sounds very frustrating. It’s hard to watch our kids struggle and know they won’t let us help them.

    It’s probably best to ask how you can help him, and then do what he offers and step back and let it be. I know that’s so much easier for me to say than for anyone to do. It sounds clearly like he wants to be in charge of himself right now.

    Remember, ADHD is a developmental disability and executive functions are far from fully developed at 22 (takes until around 30 for those with ADHD I’ve read). Your 22-year-old is probably functioning in many ways as an 18-year-old at best.

    Grow Up Already! Why It Takes So Long to Mature

    He sounds adventurous (going to a new country on his own), and I think that will pay off someday. 😉

    Penny
    ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

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