June 13, 2019 at 10:02 pm #119783
Good Evening: My son was finally evaluated at school n was diagnosed w/ADHD. Sadly he is failing all his classes and he doesn’t seem to care. He promises he’ll go to his classes but then skips the after school classes,which he needs in order to complete credits. He goes to school late every day. Ive run out of consequences. Currently ive taken away his computer/phone n keys. I know it seems excessive but i don’t know what else to do. We’ve had the same arguments for 10 yrs: not going to bed at a reasonable time because he’s on the computer or his phone. I took his keys away because when he skips class he comes home n brings his friends, which i have told him(a million times) is forbidden-especially when I’m not home. I’ve read a few books n joined this site,but i still can’t implement house rules/set boundaries effectively. The school is preparing an IEP plan, hopefully it will be implemented during summer classes. The school gave me a few places for therapy but they dont accept my insurance. I look on CHADD for support groups in NYC, i couldn’t find one. Ive read on this forum about parent classes-how can i join them? I want to have a peaceful – loving home with my son. We have some good days but more not so good days. I feel defeated/ scared and sad. It’s been a long journey for my son n me. I hope we could get help soon.
Thank you for your support n comments
June 14, 2019 at 2:30 pm #119812
Also, Does anyone know of any Meetups in NYC for Parents of Teens w/ADHD or would like to start one? We could meet once a month(if time allows) discuss strategies/books/research/emotional support. Make day trips with ourselves and/or our kids(movies/parks/arcade/etc..) I was part of Singles Parent meetup-my son and I had fun-when he was younger, but he no longer wants to go since kids are younger than him. According to Meetup website there are over 50 people interested in Parent of Children with ADHD but no organizer. I have no idea on how to be an organizer but Im definitely willing to help organized.
As Im writing this I received a text from my son’s school that he was marked absent from his 2:00 class. Everyday something. Im drowning and need help to rescue my drowning son.
- This reply was modified 4 months, 1 week ago by Eve.
June 17, 2019 at 11:38 am #120046
What you have been doing (punishments and consequences) isn’t working, so it’s time to try something new. Punishments never address the root cause of the behavior, so they aren’t effective. He’s late and struggling because of ADHD symptoms and executive functioning deficits common with ADHD. He’s not giving you a hard time, he’s having a hard time.
Sit down and have a collaborative, non-accusatory conversation about what he’s struggling with and what he thinks might be helpful. At his age, you can’t just dictate a strategy and have it be implemented and successful. He must have buy-in too.
And, remember, he’s 2-3 years behind his same-age peers in a lot of ways, especially developmentally. Potentially a lot further behind with executive functioning. That means he has the expectations of a 16yo upon him, but he’s only 13-14 at best in being able to meet those expectations. That disconnect is the reason he’s not able to succeed.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism
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