March 24, 2020 at 5:05 pm #165826
I would like some suggestions on how to reel in my ADHD. I was diagnosed with ADHD roughly 15 years ago at the age of 22, I was placed on stimulant medication and have been taking it ever since (generic adderall 30mg in the AM & PM). About 18 months ago there was a perfect storm of events in my life that occurred that allowed my ADHD to spiral severely out of control, unchecked. What has made it worse is that it was only until very recently that I realized that the full throttle, out-of-control personality was in fact my ADHD; it has spiraled so out-of-control that I am not the person my husband married, our relationship is on the rocks – he loves me very much and wants to see me improve but I have worn him so thin emotionally that I’m afraid he’ll walk out at any moment. At his behest, I started seeing a psychotherapist in late December. The therapy is very helpful, but I realized the emotional abuse I suffered growing up is somehow intertwined with my ADHD. I used to be a strong individual who was fun, positive, upbeat and lived in the moment. Now I’ve become a shell of my former self and have become someone who will spin out-of-control because I see my husband vacuuming the house while I’m making breakfast; I go from relatively calm to severe impulsivity in a nanosecond. I’ll buzz around the house, become argumentative and defensive, he’ll make a comment and I’ll respond in a condescending or pacifying manner, I’ll procrastinate and make excuses for everything and I put up walls around me to “protect myself from the world”, but it I’m not protecting myself, it’s a horrible coping mechanism I developed as a child. I hate who I’ve become and I don’t want to be this way anymore. I have taken steps to change – I started reading “Driven to Distraction”, I made a “morning routine” list and a “daily behavior” list that keeps things in perspective for me. I have a journal that I use – every morning I write in it about what ADHD behavior I am going to work on for the day, and a section that I write in for “self-improvement”, what I found what works best for me is to color or draw and write down the emotions or statements that pop into my head while drawing or coloring. As I mentioned above, I am seeing a psychotherapist but I can only see her once or twice a month due to finances.
To close this out – Old, subconsciousness behavior is getting in my way and preventing growth. I WANT TO CHANGE, but I feel very overwhelmed by what I need to do and need guidance to help me through this. What have you done to reel in your ADD/ADHD symptoms?
March 25, 2020 at 10:05 am #166010
Your therapist can help you change these habits, it just takes time.
Have you read about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)? It could explain a lot of your protective measures and blowups.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism
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