My spouse wont let me get tested for ADHD.

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    • #119788

      When I was a child I was diagnosed with ADHD and recenntly I have noticed for a while that have displayed symptons of ADHD again and think that it has carried on to my adulthood. I talked to my spouse about getting diagnosed again but she just gets very angry and tells me that I just blame all my problems on that and its not really there. Also when I bring up the fact that getting a diagnoses wont change anything (right away) and that there is a variety of medications out there that could drastically improve my quality of life she gets angry again and says “whats wrong with your life!”

      I want to approach her about it again but I dont know how, I’m terrified.

    • #119991

      Autumnowl, it’s YOUR health that is in question, and with all
      due respect to your wife, it’s not up to her if you see a MD
      for whatever issues you might be having.

      I can not imagine why she might get angry about you going to
      get checked out, and possibly begin taking an ADHD medication.

      You’re an adult, so if you want to see an MD, then go see an
      MD. Her approval is not required. If she gets upset…well,
      she’ll get over it.


    • #120040
      Penny Williams

      I agree. You need to take the right steps to take care of you. Honestly, she should be grateful that you want to better yourself.

      Try approaching the subject in a different way. When you tell her it will improve your life, she gets very defensive. Instead, mention exactly what struggles may improve. Things she notices and may have mentioned.

      ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #120155

      It sounds to me like your wife is either insecure about your relationship or controlling. Give her the benefit of the doubt, and try to kindly but firmly communicate that you are having difficulties with certain areas of your life (as you have in the past) and it is not anything relating to her. She should also know (again as kindly as possible) that standing between you and the advise of medical professionals is not acceptable. My wife actually had to tell this to me once, and it was a lesson well-learned. Our relationship benefited from it in the long term.

      Personally, I did not know I had ADHD until I got married and had kids. These added relationships to my life increased complexity to a point where my inattention was leaving me unable to be productive at a full time job and doing dangerous things at home like leaving the kitchen gas stove on multiple times. My wife has anxiety, which honestly, makes my ADD much worse because I have to be on my toes a lot thinking about and preventing whatever situations might trigger anxiety. Ironically, her putting pressure on me not to forget certain things only made me that much more unable to function and more likely to do careless things. My wife and I have both been seeing therapists and being treated for different medical conditions (me ADHD, her anxiety), and things are so much better now. Really in a good place.

      You need to prioritize fixing yourself with or without her support, and hopefully she will see the benefit and not view mental health care so negatively. It’s up to her how she chooses to react to it but don’t let her reactions drive your decisions.

    • #120438

      Thank you guys for your advice. I am going to talk to her about it soon but regardless will be seeing an MD about it.

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