My parents are blocking treatment for my son

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Accendo 9 months ago.

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  • #131123

    CatalogK9
    Participant

    So my four-year-old son has been showing clear signs of combined ADHD since he was two (I had just gotten diagnosed and started looking for signs in my son so he wouldn’t have to wait 29 years like I did), and he was just prescribed 5mg of Adderall XR the other day. My parents (who we live with) have never quite wrapped their heads around my diagnosis and what ADHD really is, and can’t seem to decide whether my child is some sort of spoiled terror or a perfect normal angel with nothing wrong at all with him, and insist I haven’t tried anything to help him so far while also giving me grief for “coddling” him and his “controlling fits” (which they insist are a concerted effort at manipulation on his part) when I’ve made it a habit to take him aside during a tantrum to help him calm down and talk things out instead of just punishing him more harshly and making him even more uncontrollably upset; saying our sleep schedule doesn’t count because I don’t usually make him take naps, and he keeps my normal bedtime of 11pm (waking naturally around 8 or 8:30); and saying I haven’t tried anything nutritionally based, seeing as how most of the time we’re at home and my mom cooks healthy, and when we’re out he usually gets a McNugget Happy Meal (all fries, chocolate milk to drink) because he’s picky and he’ll eat it, and it’s still a balanced meal; and on and on. I waited two years to have him evaluated and the psychiatrist actually used the phrase “poster child” to describe my son and prescribed 5mg Adderall XR (it’s the first one that worked for me, so it’s more likely to work for him since the ADHD runs in my side of the family). I’m not looking to medication to tame an unruly monster into a compliant zombie; I’ve seen what happens when parents do that and it’s wrong on so many levels. My son is generally a good kid with a sweet nature. But I know he struggles internally, and at some point, he needs to be able to pay attention long enough to learn how to read as he starts kindergarten next year.
    Well. He was supposed to start his medication today, and my mother (who watches him when I work part-time) STOLE HIS MEDICATION so that I couldn’t give it to him and then leave him with her. I have never been so angry in my life (which is impressive). I’m at a loss for what to do. I can’t afford to move out, nor can I afford to have someone else watch my son while I work (or to quit my job). Supposedly I should be *allowed* to start his treatment on Sunday when I have him to myself all day, but… Yeah. So many layers of hurt and anger and outrage and UGH.

  • #131164

    Dizzy
    Participant

    If I understand correctly, the bottom-line issue here is that your mother
    took/stole the medication that was for your son.

    It is a controlled substance, and your mom needs to understand that, in the event
    she is stopped by law enforcement, she will likely be arrested if it is in her
    possession.

    That said, I do understand that your living with your parents puts you between a rock
    and a hard spot. Do your parents understand that your child is for YOU to raise,
    not them?

    I wouldn’t argue with mom about it, but I would let her know that she has greatly
    overstepped her bounds, and even though you live in her home, it is not her decision
    to make about what medications her grandson is taking. By not putting any effort into
    understanding what ADHD actually is, and how it affects a young brain, she has no
    right (legal, or otherwise) to intervene.

    Hopefully, there will be an opportunity for you to move out of their house, soon,
    as that would be the best solution.

    • This reply was modified 9 months ago by  Dizzy.
  • #131171

    jwilli
    Participant

    Hi, I’m so sorry to hear of your dilemma. I totally agree with what Dizzy shared with you. Your mom has no ethical or legal right to deprive your son of his stimulant medication. As it should be clearly printed on the bottle that ‘federal law prohibits the transfer of this drug to any other than the patient for whom it was prescribed.’

    As soon as you are able move out! But of course that’s easy for me to say…I sincerely wish you and your son the best in this situation.

  • #131176

    CatalogK9
    Participant

    What we ended up agreeing on is to put medicine on hold until I set up a much more in-depth evaluation with his psych (our appointment was MUCH quicker than I’d expected, in all fairness), with my parents present, so he can explain it to them better and hopefully help them understand what we’re trying to do, and why, and help get them on board. I certainly don’t mind getting some more expert advice and time to make sure his doc understands more of the nuances of his little brain, and if it gets my folks to calm down, that would be a welcome bonus. Thankfully his symptoms aren’t causing too much impairment, so he can get away without treatment for a bit longer. I just don’t want to end up waiting so long that he ends up suffering needlessly. Ah, the dilemmas of parenting.

  • #131179

    Jesudota
    Participant

    You have caring and concerned parents, I like tthe decision you’ve all arrived at

    • This reply was modified 9 months ago by  Jesudota.
  • #131229

    Accendo
    Participant

    CatalogK9 – what a tense-full situation it sounds like! I don’t have children, but I’ve been in your shoes as the child. What I mean is, in a way, I would act out if I felt I was being treated differently or talked down to…possibly no different than how you were with your parents at some point?

    Could there be a link there? Regardless, the important thing to remember is you obviously care – and so do your parents. But I notice a lot of similarity in how my parents struggle with me – is also the same way in which they struggle with their parents (my grandparents).

    Regarding medication, the best way would be to work together on finding a specialist everyone trusts to give an honest and reliable outside perspective on this matter.

    Good news is, you already have a loyal teammate by your side who cares equally 👍

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