My child doesn't stick with the group

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This topic contains 10 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  carlandrea 1 year, 4 months ago.

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  • #39928

    ADHDmomma
    Keymaster

    This discussion was originally started by user MouseADHD in ADDitude’s now-retired community. The ADDitude editors have included it here to encourage more discussion.

     

    My 7 year old was just diagnosed with ADHD. The school psychologist observed her. One of her comments was that she “wasn’t part of a continuous group” at recess. She’d play with a group, they would move on to another activity and she wouldn’t move with them. I have noticed this myself in neighborhood social settings.

    Is this something typical with ADHD? I’m not sure if she does it because she’s bored? Or just doesn’t like their new activity?

    • This topic was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  ADHDmomma.
    • This topic was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Allison Russo.
  • #40255

    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user adhdmomma in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    The best thing to do is ask your daughter why she doesn’t move along with the group. It could be a number of things, some benign and some potentially indicative of a co-occurring condition. I’m not sure this is something to be a high priority concern though. She is engaging with others, and that’s good news.

    Penny
    ADDconnect Moderator, Author on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen boy with ADHD, LDs, and autism

  • #40264

    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user MouseADHD in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    I did ask her last night and she said that it’s hard to follow them when the group is large, or she loses them on the playground (there are a couple of hundred kids outside at recess at the same time).

    What other co-occuring conditions do you think it could be?

    She seems to become overwhelmed in large groups. I noticed that when I pick her up after school she is staying with the group because the overall amount of kids is much smaller (its after school care).

  • #40265

    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user adhdmomma in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    Losing track of the group in a crowd couple be part of ADHD. If she’s overwhelmed by large groups, it could be sensory issues, lagging social skills, anxiety, or other things. Or, it still could be part of her ADHD or simply a personal preference.

    For example, I have pretty significant social anxiety. I worry about what every single person around me is thinking of me at all times. I don’t have as many people to worry about in smaller groups, so it’s more comfortable for me to manage. That’s just one possible explanation of so many.

    At her age, and because she’s engaging with other kids, I wouldn’t be alarmed. Of course, you can always discuss this with her doctor.

    Penny
    ADDconnect Moderator, Author on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen boy with ADHD, LDs, and autism

  • #40272

    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user cmullen17 in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    My son also gets overwhelmed in large groups. I’m not sure it it’s anxiety or sensory, either. I would not be surprised if it’s a bit of both. He has been like this since long before he was ever diagnosed with ADHD. I wouldn’t base a diagnosis of ADHD on that alone, however.

  • #40273

    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user Benine in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    My son does this too. I imagine he zones in on his own thoughts or micro-projects for half a minute, then when he looks up the others are gone. It’s not that he is uncomfortable with the group, just that his mind is not thinking about what the other kids are doing all the time. He really likes playing with other kids, but his mind sometimes wanders away and finds other ideas to occupy itself with.

  • #40275

    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user MouseADHD in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    She does seem to have anxiety as well (especially about thunderstorms!!). Maybe her anxiety is worse than I thought.

  • #40279

    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user Bertnoternie in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    I was kinda like that, too. I always thought it was because I was an only child &/or my parents were abusive and neglectful. Still not sure, but when I go to classes in large auditoriums or most job or other fairs, I tune out. Not even intentionally…I get overwhelmed by the drone of sound, being bumped into, not being sure of the “rules”…(I say I was raised by wolves – even before I heard Steve Martin say the same thing!) So, not fully understanding “what’s going on” or how to navigate, I feel like a robot and my head feels like it is filled with constant ocean waves crashing. Even on my most confident days.

    Not that you are wolves!

  • #46668

    oliviaa
    Participant

    I think this is something typical with ADHD

  • #67327

    mellap711
    Participant

    My daughter does this as well. I have noticed it for a couple years now. She does this at school, extra curricular activities at home and at parties. She is perfectly fine being on her own. It is me who gets upset by this. I have read a few things that help explain this behavior, such as the possibility of having an introverted personality. These kids are perfectly happy not being with a group, not following them, not paying attention to anything else. They are ok being alone. It’s hard to watch as parents. I remember going to a school assembly and my child did not sit with her friends, but more off to the side by herself. And it didn’t seem to faze her in the least. It was at that moment that I started asking her questions about things and looking up reasons for this… of course I have also learned that too much research is bad too. 😊 And I think it may also be a trait of ADHD. My daughter was diagnosed as ADHD – Inattentive type.

  • #68231

    carlandrea
    Participant

    Yeah, we do that. It’s fine. We’re fine

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