My 24 yr old son has ADD. Explains a lot but now what?

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  g26539 7 months ago.

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  • #73310

    g26539
    Participant

    I am so glad that there is now clarity around his situation after so many years of wondering why. He struggled through school and barely made it out. He sometime struggles on his jobs both past and present. He is the product of a failed marriage but was raised jointly (custodial-wise) by his mother and me. His mother recently passed unexpectedly and he subsequently revealed to me that he had been diagnosed with ADD in the eighth grade which was reaffirmed after he failed his first year of college but his mother failed to convey this information to me during the custodial years and afterwards. He only made it into college because his mother was a high-level administrator at the college which explains how he got in given his secondary school grades and track record. He and I are relatively close and have always spent time talking about his job situations and other aspects of his life. He felt pressed at a young age to take medications by his mother (and therapist) unbeknownst to me even though he alternated between homes each week and subsequently refused to take the prescriptions. His reasoning for keeping it from me was that he was afraid I would make him take the medications had I known. Ironically, his mother thought if I knew I would support his position and his not taking the medication – but that is not the issue at hand.
    Now that he is a young adult (24) and in the process of transitioning out of his mother’s residence (he moved in with her after leaving college in the spring of his freshman year) toward self-sufficiency for the first time in his life after essentially depending upon his mother for everything I am now discovering more about his situation and attempting to provide the appropriate support without repeating the same enabling mistakes. He is less sensitive about and less resistant toward addressing the situation and I have begun to provide him with materials to read up on the literature focused on ADD in adults. Realizing that this is a life-long non-curable condition and given my age (63) and his having no siblings I am wanting to lay the foundation for his moving forward through life able and prepared to meet life’s challenges head-on.
    Where do we go from here? What should he and I be focused on? What don’t I know that I need to know to best help him? HELP!

  • #73550

    ADHDmomma
    Keymaster

    The best way to help him is likely to coach him to be successful, despite ADHD. To help him develop strategies and coping mechanism that play to his strengths and work around weaknesses (as much as possible). Your role should be facilitator and supporter, not doer. The advice in these articles can help:

    True Grit: Turning Your Teen Into a Trooper

    Grow Up Already! Why It Takes So Long to Mature

    Penny
    ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

  • #73594

    g26539
    Participant

    Thank you for the article references. I have read the “Grow Up Already” article and appreciated what it had to offer. I also forwarded the article to my son and encouraged him to read it as well. I think these and other articles are really going to help provide a perspective for him to go forward and help me to better understand the “what and why” questions floating around in my head. If you have other recommendations please feel free to forward and again, thank you.

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