Mom's with ADHD-Who else feels like a failure??

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This topic contains 28 replies, has 21 voices, and was last updated by  shellgraphics 4 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #71255

    shellgraphics
    Participant

    I hate having adhd as a Mom. It is the worst combination of deficits to try to manage and if you already struggle to keep things in order well….You pretty much get the picture. My kids are constantly disappointed in me because everything is so much harder for me to manage. The other moms all seem to be able to manage a full-time career, manage a family and a budget while happily tucking both of their kids in bed at night. I usually feel like I ran a marathon at the end of the day with my hair frazzled and my glasses left dangling crooked off my nose. When I was younger I could tap into my creative side and still feel like I was succeeding but I have never felt more like a failure than I do now. I am 43 and married, with a very busy husband who is a IT Director and two girls, ages 7 and 11. My eleven year old is the opposite of me. She craves a regimented routine and I am not able to teach her how to manage her life when I can barely manage my own. My youngest is more flexible and is more helpful at times and does not need to be as rules driven as my oldest. This is wonderful for me but can lead to intense conflict between the two of them. I am trying to offer more positive encouragement and I am trying to be more regimented with my older daughter but now she seems to just be amused by my attempts and somewhat contemptuous. What can I do to make this family function more cohesively?

  • #71256

    kelly
    Participant

    I’m sorry things are so hard right now and I wish I had some advice to offer. I have ADHD too, and so does my 8-year-old son (ugh), but my challenges are different than yours. All I can say is try not to compare yourself to other moms. It’s just not helpful and not realistic. Other than that, I just wanted to offer you my support.

  • #71264

    EMasimer
    Participant

    Hey, well it’s like reading my thoughts, so you are NOT alone in this struggle. It was so much more manageable without kids, but each one sent me farther out of control. My husband is also successful and very busy, and my issues are causing strife between us due to the multi-faceted ways thast ADD effects me and therefore everything around me. The constant shame and depression from not being able to function like I need to is unbearable. I listened to the webcast today, cried a bit just hearing from someone who understands why I’m like this, I think that is one of the hardest parts…feeling alone. We recently moved, I’m off meds and having hard time finding psychiatrist, SO that is first and foremost what I need that will help. Second is therapy, finding a way to grab a lifeline because I constantly feel like I’m drowning, and getting real tired of trying to tread water to stay alive. Do you have anyone that can help you, grandparents? I try to be open with my kids about my ADD and how it effects me, that I need them to work with me to find a solution, and get help from the whole family to force you to stick to the plan, like set alarms on phone for daily homework time and making dinner, bath-time, etc, Sunday afternoons are family pick up the house time and tell your husband or friend about what you need to do on a certain day as I find that it holds me accountable which is that deadline I need to get anything done. I totally hear you and understand, the whole mom thing feels a hundred times harder with ADD and it’s frustrating feeling like this.

  • #71517

    ADHDmomma
    Keymaster

    Here’s some helpful advice on when mom (or dad) has ADHD:

    When Mom or Dad Has ADHD

    What to Do When SuperMom Has ADHD

    Penny
    ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

  • #71551

    leeleeb1982
    Participant

    I’m right there with you girl. To top it off im pretty sure my bf has add also. So you can imagine our house.
    It’s really hard because people without it dont understand us and why we are the way we are. Leaving us to feel lonely. I’ve been feeling like this a lot lately too.
    Just know your not alone we are here for you. Keep your chin up.

  • #71636

    espee
    Participant

    I feel your pain. I felt the same way with three kids. My ten year old was diagnosed with Autism. His behavior therapist gave me advice I can’t thank her enough for. She asked me slow down everything I did. My Speech, walking pace, household chores, even driving! I gave up on facebook and whatsapp. Limited my friends and family events and interactions. I just spent time lounging with my kids. I study with the, play games, feed and nurture them. Yes, I hired a housekeeper to help me with weekly chores at home. The results were amazing. My kids are happier and better fed than ever. Many options confuse me. I limit my options/choices for any activity, to as few as possible to help make decisions easier.
    I understand I am not blessed like the other supermoms. There is none who understands my hare brained nature with empathy. My husband has no complaints now and my kids are thriving.
    Ruthlessly simplified life was what did it for me. Hope this helps.

  • #71651

    mmedubuc@yahoo.ca
    Participant

    I work in a school. I am medicated. Very few families are perfect. A third of each class doesn’t do there homework. Do you want to hear the reasons? Every time there is an outing at least 2 kids make us late for whatever reason. Parents keep bringing things to school after 8h for their kids. Parents threaten to sue for every little thing. A third of the kids are not dressed accordingly to the season and then we get complaints if we send them out to recess or if we don’t. So… it’s safe to say… No body’s normal! Don’t be so hard on yourself. And maybe we could bend our expectations for ourselves a little especially if NO ONE ELSE helps out (partner, kids). If they expect more, they should do more. Who am I to talk? I just started my Christmas vacations in bed for 3 days. Total system shout down.

  • #71654

    Chigirlmu
    Participant

    Just have to share that you are NOT alone! I thought I was until recently. I can’t wait to check out the links that we’re shared.
    I quit a professional engineering job because I couldn’t handle work, commuting, family, kid’s activities, and taking care of an elderly parents. But I see others do it! It’s truly frustrating!
    Good luck with everything!

  • #71660

    mmedubuc@yahoo.ca
    Participant

    It’s not every other family that does it easily. It’s a few. The ones you see. There are so many reasons why it’s gonna go sideways for some one some day: bad night, a cold, everything happening at once, sick kid, kid with a difficulty, snow storm, water heater broke, money problems (stress), no more food for lunches, 3 nights of activities in a row…

  • #71665

    mmedubuc@yahoo.ca
    Participant

    THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO MAKE ONE POSITIVE DIFFERENCE EVERY DAY. When I cried during the day feeling so helpless at work, my kid told me he flunked a test, we get home with no electricity and we’re all screaming ’cause we’re SO sensitive and tired. And I scream: “Every body stop and breathe for 10 seconds.” And at 5 I start lighting up candles, keep breathing, and start taking out our favorite cereal, and the kids join in, and pour glasses of water. And we sit down with a pile of kid’s albums (books with pictures!), and we eat and I start reading. And they join in. And my unflexible husband, went in his office, but every bodies calm. And we migrate to the couch with the unread albums. And every body went to bed, not angry, not screaming, not crying… I made a positive difference, and I am happy.

  • #71674

    genst
    Participant

    I commend you. All though I was married for 7 years I chose not to have children. You have more courage than than I do. You are amazing for not giving up.

  • #71687

    El
    Participant

    First, you must tell yourself you aren’t a failure! You love your children and are juggling many things that even moms without ADD struggle with. Someone once told me, “Don’t compare your inside to my outside.” In other words, it’s likely that the mom’s you compare yourself to are making it look easier than it is. With that said, I completely understand because I have ADD, my son has ADHD and I raised him mostly by myself. He also took advantage of my difficulties because he’s very strong willed and has high expectations.

    I’m thinking of things that helped me that might help you — the first was when I asked myself if I was my own mother, how would I feel? My honest answer to myself was “very fortunate” because I would be loved, cared for and listened to. Once I decided that I’m a good mom and would be happy with myself as a mom, I could let go of the guilt and feel more confident as a mother.

    Since your husband is an IT management type, my guess is that he has firm boundaries and can set up an organized system with a process and procedures. I found that once I had a plan to follow with places to put things and resources to draw on, I did well following the structure. I just wasn’t good at creating it myself.

    Can you and your husband discuss what would be helpful to put in place so you can both follow your household, childraising system with a process and procedures that you two can follow? Let him know the areas where you struggle with consistency and see if he can help you with some solutions. Also, you deserve the respect of your children just as you and your husband show them respect. Do not let your daughter make you feel “less than” or guilty. Be a strong role model for her.

    If she had ADD, you wouldn’t want her feeling like a failure or feeling guilty. There is nothing wrong with you. You just need assistance with structure, boundaries and continuity. So do many people without ADD. It’s OK not to be super mom. It’s OK to take time for meditation and/or yoga classes that help you get centered and take care of yourself. YOur daughters will learn how self-care by watching you. You may need extra time to recharge your batteries, refill your cup and say “no” to some things that may overwhelm you. Your needs are yours and no one should be allowed to make you feel guilty about that. The better you are at caring for yourself, the better you can care for the other people you love.

    Harder to do that say — but very true. . . and you’re worth it (so is your family) 🙂 God bless you! -L

  • #71701

    lakeriewilliams
    Participant

    I never respond or reply to anything, but today I felt the need. First and foremost, before anyone says that you don’t have to be super mom, let me encourage and tell you that you already are because as a woman with ADHD, the fact that you care enough to even seek help (a lot of is would not) is due to your love and desire to be the best you can be-makes you supermom in my book!

    Next, I’ll let you know about me-my story and background may be encouraging to you’d playboy I can tell you what I do and what works for me. You can chew up the meat and spit out the bones.

    WARNING-I really have ADHD, combined type. You will be able to tell in my writing, but further, this will be extremely long to read because I’m super detail oriented!!!

    So, I am also a mother with ADHD (combined type…like if there was a picture for the description it would be a personified picture of me). I have 4 children, all boys, ages 2,6,9 and 11. I am married to a very stricter NON ADD man, he is a dentist. My 9 yr old is autistic, but he’s not at all intellectually disabled. I have a strong academic background…3 degrees, the highest being a Juris Doctor (my oldest was turning 1 when I graduated from law school-I didn’t go straight to law school after undergrad, too broke). My husband and I are 38 & 39, we will be 39 & 40 in 2018.

    I didn’t take advantage of assistance with my diagnoses because I was raised in a time where a lot of minorities were MISdiagnosed as havinf ADD (and given Ritalin), which caused a lot of issues because the problem wasn’t ADD, it was behavioral issues due to a community of educators not properly equipped with dealing with certain races in the public school system. In fact a lot of kids were actually bored and very intelligent, but the educational system failed them because the teachers at that time simply were not prepared to deal with educating young bright minorities in certain areas. But back to the subject at hand, long story short, I was taught to self preserve and figure it out because they refused to allow a diagnoses to be attached. There was good and bad as a result of it, but all in all-especially as a girl who was extremely smart, it seemed like I was one who would be skipped over because it was different to see ADHD in me as a girl, then wamgat was typical in a boy, plus it appeared I didn’t struggle in school (which I did, but I overworked and overdid everything to compete and stay afloat-others didn’t realize the work out in because they only seen the results).

    I didn’t start taking advantage of the opportunities and rights afforded to people diagnoses like us, due to the ADA, until I was in my second semester of law school-even then, I only took time and a half on exams.

    Never did medication until I sat for the bar exam, and even then, been on and off because I never took medication while pregnant or breastfeeding (and I nursed all my boys until
    the age of 1). I’ve been married going on 12 years this upcoming February, and it hasn’t been easy because my husband and I have been through so much due to my issues when I’m symptomatic, I’m medicated, or just general issues that go alongside with ADHD. It seems with every pregnancy it got harder or worse, because your hormones are already or of whack, you can’t be medicated, and your brain is different to begin with. Although we have four kids I have been pregnant 5 times as I was pregnant with a child the year before my youngest was born (unfortunately there was a miscarriage in my 2nd trimester that rocked our world and had me in major depression mode-was working at the time at a university as a supervisor in the admissions and records department as well as an adjunct professor for a writing course in the core humanities department). Safe to say overwhelmed was just the crux of my lifestyle.

    Fast forward to present day…I’m on medication (Adderall, 30mg extended release in morning, 10 mg regular release in afternoon), I NEED to get my exercise regiment back (I swear athleticism and exercise is truly the best type of medication that I find an excuse to not do-but it works wonders), 3 of my 4 boys are in school, and currently, I’m trying to start a home based daycare (in the back yard, we have a guest house-too much to be in the main residence and I’m not currently in the financial position to be able to afford a housekeeper or whatever) to help with finances as my husband has had recent health issues and he is the bread winner. I’m an at home mother, who does legal consulting on the side, along with side gig teaching (I teach English as a second language online to kids in China), and when I can (not often), I drive Uber and Lyft-usually late nights because I don’t have a sitter and do this when I need to and my husband is home and kids asleep.

    So I spoke a lot about myself not to boost anything about me but to let you know that we all have issues and you are not alone but it is doable.

    If you take medication and it works, continue! Exercise or get some type of athletic thing going on in your life, even if it is just walking and (like another reader mentioned) yoga. Meditation and prayer (if you believe in a higher being) does wonders!

    No one is perfect, even those that seem to have it altogether, do not have ADHD and are super organized! The grass always looks greener on the other side-people are not as open as yourself, a lot more people that appear to have it altogether really don’t, so please do NOT compare yourself to any of them.

    You see my son is autistic, but again, not intellectually disabled. He needs a strict routine (where I feel like I thrive and even enjoy a bit of chaos) and thrives so much better in a very structured environment. This is a crazy thing for me because I’m not the best at the structure thing, but the reality is that ALL of the children, and especially me, need structure. I too thrive in it but my brain goes against the grain. If it’s not something I feel like doing it is so hard to be motivated. This has caused issues in my marriage, career, and even some decisions I’ve made and make as a mother. But you know what, we deal and I’m dealing with it. I’m getting better each da but I can’t lie and say I don’t have my setbacks.

    I’m an Aries so I’m already too stubborn. But guess what, I’ve finally came to realize something very profound my husband told me. Being stubborn is synomous to being stupid. See none wants to say that they are stupid but everyone can admit to being stubborn. But if you think about the times in life (for anyone, regardless of their brain functionality) that someone was being stubborn, typically that is when their decisions, mindset, and or actions were that of one who is being stupid. My point-be humble and open enough to realize when you are being stubborn and take a different route-whether that is asking for help, listening to someone else (like your husband who is not like you but seems to maybe not always understand because he’s not you-although he knows, loves and deals with you and your symptoms better than anyone), and being okay to learn from even your children. Anyone can teach, regardless of age.

    Take advantage of all the free resources that you can. ADHD COACHING IS EXPENSIVE and we can’t all jump on board. But every year there are free coaching resource stuff online in October (during ADHD awareness month); there are free podcast; and free articles and tools-offered by the top ADHD coaches in the world-many who are also women with ADHD themselves, so they have quite a bit of guidance that you can learn and benefit from.

    Another person wrote something about tlakj faith your husband and discussing things on parenting with him. That is an excellent idea. However, for someone like me, my husband would complain about talking things out with me just for me to do something else. So like in my situation, talking is fine-but it’s like he waste time and energy having long conversations with resolutions, unless I WRITE IT DOWN! That may sound silly, but I have a long term memeory that is jumbled. My short term memory is the same. Everything you tell me is in there somewhere, but my executive function skills do not always recall the info as quick as I would like. So when we are dealing with important matters with the kids-it’s easy for me to not be reliable on the things discussed unless I write it down and out it in a place where I will remember to look.

    Life is what you make it and help is not always available (like what if you don’t live close to family and friends, can’t afford to hire assistance)but, if you take advantage of the free resources you come across, try to follow a routine (try-not saying it will always go smooth-and don’t reinvent the wheel, too hard, adapt one that is already available or aka for advice on putting one together-maybe your husband would like to assist) & stay positive in spite of your situation, you will be fine.

    As a mother of girls, remember that sometimes yo and your daughters will not see eye to eye, if ever, until after she has grown to have children of their own. I have all boys, but I am a daughter, sister, neice, Soror, cousin, etc. It was not until I had my first child that I began to understand and appreciate the Awesomeness of my mother (and although she doesn’t have ADD, she is a human woman like everyone else-there are no perfect people, period).

    I love you for reaching out-I love you for loving your family enough to want to be better-but SFOP MAKING YOURSELF TO BE THE WORSE MOTHER EVER! There are women who kill their children, abandon them, mentally and physically abuse them-and based upon what you wrote, your biggest issue is that your symptoms from ADHD trigger issues that ALL WOMEN HAVE big seem more prevalent with those like you and I.

    You will be fine and you keep on doing your best. Take advantage of the assistance that may be available and remember, although we want to be friends with our children, we are their mothers. They will not always like or agree with our decisions, but no book or catalogue exist that can dictate your exact life. Be encouraged, Be positive, be loving and do not act like ADHD is the worse thing to ever happen to you and your family.

    Now go be great…if you read this entire post you are already a determined Diva who is an inspiration to her babies (no matter their age).

    I hope this helped a little. Feel free to reach out and maybe we can keep in touch and communicate-you don’t have to feel alone.

    God bless!!!

  • #71705

    Lauren B.
    Participant

    There are days where I feel like a complete failure. I can’t focus at work and don’t feel like I got enough done, only to go home and feel too tired to nag to get my daughter to clean her room, and everyone gets chips for dinner. This happens way more than i would like to admit. But there are shinning moments where all is well, and I am organized and everything is clean and I was super productive. I remember those times and ride them like a bull at a cowboy competition.

    My daughter craves structure as I do, even though we have ADHD. I am a single mother and often call on my “village” to help me through. Her school and daycare provide the most structure because she is with them all day long. When we get home:
    I made index cards with instructions on how to do stuff in the places you would do them. (how to rinse your dishes, bedtime routine, down time activity suggestions)
    I created more cards for chores with step by step instructions, so I don’t have to stand there everyday and explain it AGAIN or ask 15 times if something has been done.
    I have made tracking sheets. But usually fail to maintain or keep track.
    I have a physical planner to write important dates down. I literally carry it EVERYWHERE with me…even to the bathroom (ya never know when you’re going to remember something) and I write down things as soon as I remember them, am informed, or even if I want to plan something in the future, I write that down too.
    I have a clock in every room. They are all set at different times and “fast”. (this is true in the car as well)And I have an alarm that goes off every 10 minutes in the morning.
    I have bins in the refrigerator, and on good weeks I prep all sides and snacks and sometimes the main courses of our meals and put them neatly into the fridge. Other times I make breakfast and lunch in 10 minutes right before walking out the door. But I know I can do the other, because I have done it. I was successful. It was not impossible for me.
    I have veggies delivered to our door so I don’t impulse buy or forget to feed us balanced meals.

    Sometimes we throw all rules out and do whatever and just act crazy for a day or two.

    I have many other coping mechanisms. What people don’t see is the hundreds of failed trials at other options, or these very options, to solve my own problems. We have tried and failed at many many things. It has taken us YEARS to get to this point and it’s still flawed. But sometimes, it sticks, or lasts just long enough. Don’t give up. Keep looking for ways to structure yourself and for your children. And ask them what works best for them. When I started doing this I stopped banging my head against the wall so much. Now I know that written instructions everywhere help my daughter, because she told me so, and we tried it, and it worked.

  • #71714

    jarrow18
    Participant

    I relate to your post with a non-ADD 13 year old, and a sever ADHD 9 year old and both myself and my husband have ADD- which makes for a chaotic household. I am by far the most “dysfunctional” of the three of us, and my older son just watches it all happen – poor guy. My strategy has been “oh well.” Oh well if my youngest hasn’t showered in 9 days- oh well if he’s not wearing socks, or has on two different socks, oh well if its 10:02 and they’re not in bed yet because I’m too busy blogging- oh well if we are late everywhere we need to be, every time. Oh well if their homework is in a ball at the bottom of their back pack or there’s ice creamed melted onto the couch, or my car is filled with take-out garbage or I haven’t changed the sheets in over two months, or a single kitchen cupboard can house both boxed food, coffee cups, legal documents, modeling clay and random greeting cards that may or may not get used, or if the refrigerator looks like a bomb went off in it and no one can find what they’re looking for most of the time….I’m not saying I’m happy about it, or that I don’t try to get it together as often as I can- but I’m not going to let it get to me. I love my kids, they eat well, they have friends, they’re clothed sufficiently for the weather, I spend time with them, I’m interested in their life and we never fight because when things go wrong it’s never anything worth fighting over. They are doing the best they can and so are we. Life’s not perfect but- oh well.

  • #71715

    Chigirlmu
    Participant

    Thank you for starting this conversation! I felt so alone before 🌈

    • #71747

      El
      Participant

      I’m glad my share helped. These comments help me too. It’s great to know there isn’t anything wrong with us, and we do need to take care of ourselves. There’s great info under health and nutrition by Dr. Amen – free download. I’m checking it out now. Take care! -L

  • #71718

    Zeldapinwheel
    Participant

    First thing, your daughter probably isn’t contemptuos of you, not if you are so on top of trying to find solutions that benefit your entire family.
    Second, I sure feel you on this one. Keep in mind that what u see from other people is only a small slice of what goes on behind closed doors.

    Third, play to your daughter’s strengths. She is also in the process of gaining independence so have her create a schedule for the family. For example, project management apps might work.
    Fourth, when the kiddos don’t get along, mandate that they have a dance off. If they are really salty, require ballroom dancing. This does a couple of things. It requires closeness, suprises them so they lighten up about their disagreement, they have to work together, it’s funny, and it has the regiment that your daughter likes but the ‘go with the flow’ vibe that your younger one likes.

    Finally, write important stuff on a family calendar/to do list. Everyone has to add to it and they all can help u organize. You get to ask for help, you get to share some of the stuff that u don’t like, and you get to be you and not a bunch of functions.
    Finally, take time off if u can. Take a walk or go somewhere by your self in order to organize your week. Get creative, order in all things is unnatural and boring.

    Hope that helps.

    H

  • #71722

    tquadir
    Participant

    By the way, have you guys thought about exercise programs like Learning Breakthrough or the Dore Program.
    Recently I got my son (8) started on Learning Breakthrough Program. It seems like something really worth trying.

  • #71723

    HelenVil
    Participant

    I read your post and shivers ran down my spine because it felt as though someone was writing my life story. I am 43, have ADD, married to an IT executive, two kids exactly the same age as yours and I face all the same challenges. To make matters worse I am a therapist and despite all my skills I can’t organize a successful practice because I am too busy – my days seem to speed by with lots to do an little acccomplished. My kids are at two seperate schools with two different start and end times in two different parts of the city. my older daughter (11)has ADD, ASD and ODD, and my sweet 7 year old boy is neurotypical but needs help with speech, writing etc. To make matters worse I am a therapist myself and yet I can’t organize a day, find it hard to write my notes and apply the principles I teach clients to myself. Like you I was very creative when I was younger. I feel my early depressions robbed me of my creativity. Other than cooking, designing my joke and therapy I am not very creative. I come screeching to a halt at the end of every day? My hair and make up always messy no matter how hard I try, my kitchen plates need cleaning twice because I always leave dirty spots and since we can’t afford a housekeeper and I feel guilty for not working full time (or even part time really) I feel that I have to clean my house, cook every morning and night etc etc etc…
    Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. A high school friend reminded me that I was such a big deal in highschool and I joked that I peaked in highschool. I felt sad and yet reconciled at the same time. I am slowly learning to accept “this is me” while still struggling much like you. I think the hardest part is knowing we have so much potential but fearing we no longer have that much potential. A scary duality. But I do believe acceptance is going to be the gateway to my sanity. The more we struggle and fight it the worse we feel-like getting trapped in a spiders web. Just know you are not alone.

  • #71725

    iler26
    Participant

    I TOTALLY understand your struggle. I too am an ADD mom with and ADHD 7yo son and it’s no joke. I’m a full time teacher and a lot of my organizational energy is spent there. I’ve had to get outside help with my home because o can’t do it all. My husband is also successful and travels 80% of the time in a month, so routin s fall on me a lot and I’ll be honest, the routines are sometimes non-existent.

    Tour description of “running s marathon each day” was SPOT ON!! You’re not alone! Simplify things and slow down as much as you can. Get outside hep for cleaning the house or whatever chores that are overwhelming. I have a friend whose cleaners also do her laundry. Hang in there, you’re not alone 😉

  • #71754

    toomanytabs
    Participant

    This resonates with me so much. I am 35 with two kids ages 5 and 1, and parenting with ADHD is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. It involves so much mental and emotional labour, so many repetitive, unstructured tasks – it almost seems consciously designed to be as ADHD-unfriendly as possible. I also have sensory issues with loud noises, and while my 5 year old is not badly behaved, he is one of those kids who lives at maximum volume, and it tears up my nerves like a belt sander. Add in a full-time job and it can start to feel just about impossible. I don’t have any solutions for you – just keep on keeping on, and try to let go of the small stuff. There has never been a perfect mother in all of human history, and yet our species survives. I firmly believe that most “super-moms” are just better at faking it than the rest of us. Sometimes all we can do is have a good cry and try again tomorrow.

  • #71824

    gregorje
    Participant

    I would suggest contacting CHADD http://www.Chadd.org and use their free hotline to obtain advice. Seek out other Moms and support groups. I used to take
    my son (now age 22) with me and he’d play while we talked. I learned so much about ADD and what resources were available. He’s graduating college
    in 3 months and I thought we’d never get here but it is possible by reaching out to as many people as possible.

  • #71835

    linwinegar
    Participant

    You are not alone my friend! You’re a great mother for even wanting help. ADHD is a super power, we just have to learn how to use it to our advantage. I’m sure you have tapped into the super part but didn’t realize it. I always need to have my own time with the Lord, meaning I read my scriptures and try to journal, before anyone wakes up because otherwise I feel like I’m running around with my head cut off. LOL that’s just me though. Also I’m listening to this fun and amazing ADHD podcast called “Faster Than Normal” and it’s my fave! Such great words of encouragement from real peeps who are successful and give us tips on how to manage our ADHD and challenge us to try things to see what works best for us. Anyways, keeps that desire and fire because I love that we are all always looking for ways to improve ourselves. Oh and for sure don’t compare yourself to other moms, they have probs too we just don’t know what they are and probs wouldn’t want their problem anyways. Know you have a sista out there that feels like you and has the same desires. I have 2 boys though 8 & 4, so different in many ways but still similar in others. God Speed friend!

  • #71906

    jennifer.desjardins
    Participant

    I do not have ADHD, but with 2 young boys, full-time (in a school) and part-time I still feel I’m drowning and alone at times. As someone else said, people do not have it together as they show the world they do. So keep up the good work! If you feel you’re not doing a good job but doing your best to improve, I’m sure you’re a brilliant mum!!

  • #72339

    shellgraphics
    Participant

    Thank you, Thank you, everyone for your honest and encouraging replies. My feelings have subsided a little for now because I have reached out and I am receiving help through a therapist, I am trying to workout more, and most importantly I have realized that I have to take better care of myself as someone mentioned above. I just feel like a I will always struggle to feel like a grown-up because of my struggle to not filter my thoughts and to blurt out truth bombs that may not be appropriate for me to say to certain age groups at certain times. I have heard my oldest say to our family friend, “why can’t mom just act like a mom and just stop talking or just do all the chores for us like other Moms do. I struggle to be myself around my children because I feel like if I am then I am not acting “adult” enough and not providing the consistency that they need. This trait makes it tough to be the “authority figure” as a parent because my tendency is to smooth things over, give in, or shut down and escape. I appreciate the feedback as I continue to tread on through this journey and I really appreciate the advice and stories that each of you has shared with me.

    • #72439

      mmedubuc@yahoo.ca
      Participant

      Did you try medication. Personnaly I take Strattera that is not a stimulant. I used to get scolded by my boss for not filtering. That’s over. And I don’t feel bad when I say NO to yet another project. Before, I’d say no and then not sleep because I felt guilty.

  • #72517

    shellgraphics
    Participant

    Yes I am medicated and that is why I am able to work a “normal day job.” I want to finish my teaching license and I only have a year of methods classes left but my husband thinks it is pointless. He thinks that it is not worth my time because I would not get paid much more. How do I strive for what I want to do when I struggle to fulfill what my husband and kids want me to do? I receive excellent reviews for my work as a paraprofessional but I don’t understand why the skills that I exude in my daily work life will not transfer over to my home life? Does anyone else have this problem?

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