Med Refusal – Is This Reason Normal?

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    • #81246

      I’ve lurked for quite a few months on here and other forums and appreciate the answers I’ve found. But, I was a bit flummoxed by this problem and haven’t found any topics on it in this or other forums.

      I’ve read a million articles. OK, maybe a few less than that but not by much, and I thought I seen every reason teens refuse to take meds. So, I thought I was prepared to work through them all.

      At first I did get all the excuses from my son. “There’s nothing wrong with me”, “I can’t sleep”, “I don’t feel like myself”, etc. My son and I were able to work through all those excuses using many tips I’ve seen on various forums.

      I even brought up many side effects myself with him asking if perhaps he was afraid of stunted growth, inability to sleep, feeling different and more. I know his been online looking up his meds and the issues surrounding them. So, I realized that some of the excuses might have been fear of having side effects.

      With a little patience and some open communication (as much as he was willing to give) we worked through each excuse and bringing possible side effects into the open turned out to be a good idea.

      I thought.

      Then, recently another round of med refusal started. I was baffled. This time the answer I got was, “I just don’t”, when I asked why he didn’t want to take his meds. At 16 years old it’s getting more difficult to break through to the real reason.

      During the previous times he’s refused meds I never forced the issue. I’d read it would make it worse and that getting him to see how much better he did in school and around the house on meds would work and it did.

      This time was the same I figured he’d come around. But, no matter how many sit downs we had he wouldn’t tell me the reason.

      Luckily we had an appointment with his GP, who prescribes his methylphenidate as his therapist is a psychologist and can’t prescribe in our state. He’s down to as needed to see the therapist and I was thinking it was getting time for an as needed visit, but have learned not to push that issue either as he’s always come around to ask to see the therapist without my pushing it (eventually).

      So, as normal, I was in the exam room. The doctor asked about the meds and my son answered that he wasn’t taking them because he didn’t need them. The doctor was unimpressed with the answer and didn’t get far with gentle probing questions.

      Finally, he asked me if I’d let a nurse come in the room so I could sit for a few minutes in the waiting room. So, the nurse took my place and I went in the waiting room for well under five minutes before I was called back in by the receptionist.

      The doctor said they’d worked it out and he’d see me in his office. My son waited in the waiting room and I was shown to the doctor’s office.

      Sexual side effects was the bottom line. He’s not having sex, he’s just like most 16 year old males and masturbation is normal. But, he was having problems both in getting an erection and having a problem with delayed ejaculation.

      The solution was a slight decrease in dose with the option to go back to the stronger dose if needed combined with my son being able to not take his meds on the weekends if he decided to skip them. I’ve read it’s far better for him to stay on his meds all week long and asked about it. The doctor pointed out that it was better to be on them all week long, but if him refusing to take his meds was the other option then giving him control to not take them on weekends was preferable.

      Really? Sexual side effects? After thinking about it, I was able to see how it would be a huge problem. But, given a hundred years I’d never have thought that was the underlining reason for his “I just don’t” excuse.

      I don’t really have a question – unless it’s has anyone else run into this problem. But, thought I’d just share this.

      Today, my son takes his meds during the week without issue. The lower dose seems to be working fine as his grades are good and he’s even studying for the driver’s test. Weekends are his to decide. Some weekends he has a break. Recently, he’s taken the meds to study for the driver’s test. But, it’s his choice. What he does in bed after the lights go out is not my business. But, it’s an fact of life and I think most parents would be about as baffled as I was to figure it out.

      • This topic was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by SkinOfMyTeeth.
    • #81266

      That’s an interesting complaint. Many sexually active men and women with ADD/ADHD find their sexual experiences are improved when they ‘time’ them to be occurring while their meds are active in their systems! They describe being more focused on the event(s) occurring, more attentive to their partner, and their partner notices a greater intimacy (connection’), etc.

      These meds are known to have an opposite side effect called priapism, an erection that lasts tooooo long and can be dangerous if not treated if the erection lasts more than 4 hours!! (While many men can only dream of having this experience, many women are more than thankful that it does not happen!)

      As your son proceeds toward independent driving, it is highly likely he will want to drive on weekends. (Different States have different restrictions with regard to hours of the day, or number of passengers, age of passengers, etc., until they’re 18.) Even beyond these restraints, it is important you consider the importance of him being ON his medication when driving, which will impact whether or not he can drive on those weekend days.
      Statistics are clear (AAA and other sources) that new drivers between 16-25 have the greatest amount of automobile accidents (per driver), AND that within that age range of new drivers, those with ADD/ADHD who are unmedicated have 25-30% MORE automobile accidents than the other new drivers in that new driver age group!!! Aside from the obvious increase of physical injuries and deaths as a result of the increase in at-fault accidents, don’t forget what will happen to your (his) insurance premiums!!
      It may be important to not ignore that the time will be soon upon you, and him, where he may need to ‘choose’ between driving on weekends or masturbating on weekends ;—)

      Another possibility could be that, as someone with ADD/ADHD, he may have some impulsivity, needing immediate gratification and no patience to wait, whether it’s waiting in line for something, waiting for a light to change, waiting for a class to end, or waiting for the ejaculation to occur, having not had the experiences of longer periods of foreplay/arousal as being ‘normal’ and impulsively expecting more immediate culmination of the act, therefore concluding that a delay from what he is used to is a problem, rather than just ‘different,’ and if accepted rather than distracted by it, it would not be a distraction to the focus of achieving orgasm.

      No mention was made as to whether he had tried other ADD medications, like Mydayis, or Vyvanse or Adderall XR, (with/without Adderall immediate release). The side effects may be different enough and the benefits as good or better.

    • #81286

      Hey @ADD doc,

      Thanks for the reply. Yes, 100%, no driving off meds. We haven’t gotten that far yet, but he knows that will be a rule. Oddly, our insurance won’t go up until he gets his operator’s licence. When he gets his learners permit the insurance doesn’t go up. Although I don’t understand why, it’s fine with me. For now he’s studying the handbook and needs to pass the written test.

      I really think getting a driver’s licence has been a learning experience for him in more that one way. Obviously, he’s learning the rules of the road and the driving laws. But, he’s also seeing that his meds help him in “real life” not just in learning the conjugation of a verb or which side won the War of the Roses. Suddenly, it’s something he wants to do.

      Yes, he’s tried other meds, switched times, gone on and off the both the instant and time released versions, changed doses both up and down. He’s tried everything except the non-stimulant meds. But his current meds are working.

      I honestly don’t know if his complaint was something he was experiencing or something he’d read about on the Internet that he might experience. I do know that once it was out in the open, we were able to resolve his worries and give him a bit more control. Maybe that’s what it takes?

      I should have mentioned this above, but it was already way too long. He takes a low dose of benadryl (generic version) at bedtime if he hasn’t been sleeping well. I did find some mention that benadryl and dramamine can have some sexual side effects. Is it the ADD meds or the benadryl that’s causing the problems? I don’t know, but if we have to we’ll cross that bridge at the proper time.

      What I’ve learned is that hiding possible side effects or downplaying his concerns wouldn’t work for us. I don’t want to have a huge fight or be a strict disciplinarian regarding compliance with meds. I might win a battle here or there, but I’m certain I’d lose the war (bad analogy I know). Believe me, we still have our share of the normal family drama and sometimes that involves meds, but I don’t want to escalate the issue when it comes up.

      I’m normally a lurker on these forums. This issue blindsided me and I wanted to share it. I’ve been prepared for so many issues by reading other parent’s posts and had never run across this. Hopefully, it will help someone in the future.

    • #81294

      Hey @DdylanCATO ,

      I wanted you to know someone heard you. Your concerns are valid. I’m not a medical professional and can’t really directly comment on your statements. Anything I say is as a layman not a doctor.

      If you can’t talk to your parents, doctor or a school counselor, perhaps a spiritual adviser could help? From my experience, you are correct in that all kids can “zone out” or “daydream”. ADD or ADHD is a medical diagnosis. Yes, it is sometimes diagnosed too quickly and once the label is put on a person it can be difficult to remove.

      Are your meds helping your get better grades, get along in class and create less trouble in your life? If so, are the adverse effects worth putting up with to get the good effects of the meds? It can be difficult for teenagers to be heard by parents and doctors – especially after getting the diagnosis of ADD and being put on meds. In many ways resistance to the meds is expected and therefore dismissed by adults. Pressure is put on parents by the school when a teenager goes off meds and this sets up a cycle of pressure on everyone.

      You use the term “FORCED TO TAKE” (and the all caps were yours). Without knowing more details, I’d assume you were having adverse effects from your meds. If so, I’d recommend writing down any med related problems you’re having. Different meds, higher or lower doses, varying the times can all help to minimize adverse effects.

      As you get older your ability to resist meds will increase and the ability of your parents to “FORCE” you will wane.

      So, I’d recommend the written list of problems to see if a med change is in order. Otherwise things will only get worse as your resentment grows and your parent and teacher’s frustration worsens. Doctor’s prescribe these meds because science based medicine shows they work and that the benefit out weighs any problems. But, then again, you’re the one that has to take the meds, not your parents or doctor. They can’t treat you correctly if they don’t have accurate information as to what’s going on. If you just say you don’t want to take the meds or are being forced, they most likely won’t listen – they need valid reasons.

      Hopefully, you can get an answer from one of the doctors that participate here. Even if you don’t get another answer, remember, you have to be open about how your are doing on the meds.

    • #81380

      Hello thanks for your feedback i took adderall (5mg instant release 10mg instant release twice daily),ritalin (5 mg instant release x2) vyvanse 20mg, 30mg,40mg and adderall 10mg ritalin 5mg and 30mg&40mg all make my brain feel wierd i can feel my self think and i am afraid to talk sometimes

    • #81383

      i feel like i am being punished for something i cannot help

    • #81399

      Hey @ddylancato ,

      i feel like i am being punished for something i cannot help

      You’re original posts disappeared. First, I believe you regarding how the meds affect your brain. You deserve to be as free from adverse effects as possible. Communication with your doctor and parents is essential. If you don’t feel as if they are listening to you, I’d recommend a written list with dates and times on it. Take that list of adverse effects with you to your next doctor’s appointment.

      If you still aren’t getting relief, I’d recommend speaking with a trusted spiritual adviser or perhaps an aunt or uncle that you can confide in.

      At your age you are just about old enough to start refusing meds and make it stick. As bad as things are now, palming your meds, cheeking your meds or just refusing to take them will only make things worse. In your deleted post, you said “FORCED TO TAKE” in all caps. By that I assume you mean an observed dose- in that your parents or the school nurse watches you take your meds.

      That can feel like punishment and cause huge resentments. Even if the adults have your best interest in mind, you certainly deserve to be heard and taken seriously. From the number of different medications you’ve tried (listed above), I’d say that your doctor has worked to get the right dosage and medication.

      But, if you still feel as if you are being punished that’s not the reason they want you to take your meds. They all want you to have a good future and the doctor has made his/her best medical judgement that these meds are best for your school and family life. Be honest with them.

      I know how if feels to be “lumped in with everyone else” or to feel as if I’m being “singled out for punishment” by an employer or some government regulation. Frustration can set in and I can make a decision that isn’t good for myself. The example I’m talking about is different from ADD meds, but the feelings I had were similar.

      I had to take a TB test to get a job. It’s a simple test where they inject a tiny amount of fluid into both forearms (sometimes it’s only one injection into one forearm, but my test was in both arms). When they inject into both arms one arm is not supposed to have any reaction at all (that’s the one with the test for TB), the other arm is supposed to get an allergic reaction to a known irritant. I was told to come back in three days. I did and the arm with the TB test had no reaction. The arm with known irritant had a reaction it had a pimple like sore about 2 cm across. Not so bad, right? Yeah, they told me that would happen. What they didn’t tell me was that the arm that had the reaction would keep reacting. The “pimple” kept growing and growing. By the time it was done reacting it itched, looked horrible I was thinking it would leave a scar it was that bad. I got the job. The next year, I made every excuse I could find to not take that test again. I really really felt like the doctors and nurses had lied to me about the anergy (anergy is the opposite of allergy) test and the reaction I’d have. If I didn’t take the test, I’d be fired. So, I went to the clinic and complained wildly about the prior years reaction. They took a chest xray instead. Bingo! And a negative finding on a chest xray is good for two years, not one.

      The point of that story is that if I had not told them my problems, I wouldn’t have found out about the alternative test. An xray cost more than the skin test for TB. That is why they don’t offer it as an option at first. Today most TB tests are done without the anergy test (the one that is supposed to react). I don’t wonder why – I bet lots of patients complained about it.

    • #81453

      Yes the nurse will make me open my mouth to make sure i take them.

    • #81455

      But is that normal for meds to make me feel wierd. is it just me not being used to that feeling or is it a side effect.
      Am i supposed to be able to notice when it kicks in.

    • #81456

      what is the age that you grow out of adhd.

    • #81520

      Hey @DdlanCATO ,

      Keep in mind that I am not a doctor and have no medical training. An “observed dose” is not punishment, it’s a valid medical treatment. It’s not only used for ADD cases, but other types of treatments as well.

      I can see where you’d develop a resentment over that. If the drugs had no adverse effects why would they force you to open your mouth to check that you took them. You’re old enough and most likely large enough to simple refuse to take the pill. Also, you could vomit on purpose right after taking the meds to get them out of your system.

      As I said before as you get older, it will more and more a fight of wills and one you’ll figure out a way to win. Forcing you to take your meds at the school nurse’s office isn’t convincing you that taking the meds is a good idea.

      I’ve been told by doctors, and this makes sense to me, there is no such thing as a “side effect”. If I take a prescribed drug for blood pressure (and I do) and it makes me dizzy, that is not a “side effect” that’s an effect of the medication.

      My husband takes a medication that helps him empty his bladder easier, a “side effect” is that it lowers his blood pressure.

      The same exact medication can be prescribed to lower blood pressure, and it has a “side effect” of making it easier for me to empty their bladder.

      So, the same drug prescribed for two different reasons can have have two effects – it just depends on why it was prescribed which is the “side effect. Why mention this? Because any effect of a drug is an effect not a “side effect”. Some effects are “desired” some are “adverse”.

      Chemo therapy can cause hair loss which is a direct effect of the medication. It kills cancer. So, patients deal with the hair loss to get the “desired effect” of killing cancer. Hair loss (ie, going bald), is an effect of the drugs – just not a desired effect. “Side effect” is a nice way of saying, “an effect you won’t like”.

      As far as the adverse effects you are feeling from taking your ADD meds, (keep in mind I’m not a doctor), they are most likely adverse effects of the meds and not just you not used to feeling normal. That these meds have adverse effects is well documented.

      I’ve said this before, keep a log of dates and times that you experience these adverse effects and show it to your prescribing doctor. Make copies and show them to the nurse administering your meds.

      What I would not recommend is refusing the meds by sticking the pill high in you cheek between your gums and cheek so it looks like you took it, pretending to gag on he pill as if you can’t swallow it and spitting it on the floor, pretending that the meds are giving you migraines or horrible side effects such as faking a seizure or even vomiting up the pill after taking it . This is just going to start a confrontation – one you most likely will lose and one that will result in hard feelings between you, you parents, your doctor and your school. All of those “tricks” for not taking meds has been tried many times before and schools, nurses and parents are well aware of them.

      Your adverse effects are real and deserve to be addressed. So, start you log and start asking for them to be addressed. Getting involved in your medical decisions and feeling like a partner and not a prisoner is something you will have to initiate.

    • #81544

      But What age do you grow out of adhd?

    • #81547

      Oh and i will answer your question from a couple post ago yes i get better grades and i dont blurt out whatever comes to mind but meds do that to every one. I watched a documentary on netflix aboutmany coledge students and workers and atheletes taking adhd meds to endure boring task longer and increase pain tolerance and reaction time to lose weight and to be more productive even thoygh 90% don’t have adhd or fake the diagnoses (they admitted it ) how come they feel like meds “turn on the jets” and a person that ligit had adhd complained about the same things i do and stated “i will never make my kids take meds” it is called “take your pills and was filmed last year.”

    • #81551

      Also how come every parent that does not disipline there kids thanks there i somthing wrong. I have a friend down the road who has a 7 year old sister aand her mom does not do anything about it when she screams no or WRECKS THE GOLF CART or DOSN’T FINISH CHORES JUST IN SPITE she knows that i have it i have a been evaluated by a phycyatrist and not by a family care doctor she assumes that i “cant sit stiil” that meds means she doesn’t have to DISIPLINE A CHILD WHEN SHE DOES SOMETHING SHE KNOWS IS WRONG and she doesn’t struggle at school she has honor roll she doesn’t get in trouble(exept around her mom) but how could you expect a 7 year old girl to behave when you dont spank her take away her stuff or even verbily repreamand her.

    • #81587

      Hey @DdylanCato,

      I don’t know the age at which a person outgrows ADD o ADHD. I know that it does happen, but really don’t know if there is a given age.

      Yes, you are correct. Many college students and even parents are either buying ADD meds illegally to focus study, lose weight or focus on their jobs. This is another valid reason why some people are watched to make sure they swallow their pill.

      Your adverse effects, the same ones you saw on the documentary, are real. They deserve to be addressed by a medical professional.

      Why the neighbor chooses to not put her child on meds is not something I can’t answer. I don’t know the situation with your neighbor and really can’t answer it.

      I know, I say it every time – but it’s required – I’m not a doctor and anything I wrote should be taken as coming from a layman not a medical professional.

    • #83114

      From my first post:

      Today, my son takes his meds during the week without issue. The lower dose seems to be working fine as his grades are good and he’s even studying for the driver’s test. Weekends are his to decide. Some weekends he has a break. Recently, he’s taken the meds to study for the driver’s test. But, it’s his choice. What he does in bed after the lights go out is not my business. But, it’s an fact of life and I think most parents would be about as baffled as I was to figure it out.

      I have a friend who whenever I’d say that things were going well would say, “this too shall pass”. Oh boy, was she right.

      Yup, more med refusals. It’s one thing to require that a child take a pill. It’s an entirely different thing when that “child” is well under 2 years from being a legal adult and smart enough and strong enough to simply refuse.

      He’s in full “shut down mode”. The school isn’t happy, I’m not happy, my son isn’t happy, my husband isn’t happy and I’ve not asked the mailman, but he might not be happy either.

      The school has asked me why I’m not “giving” him his meds. Seriously? After all we’ve been through, the school thinks I’m the reason he doesn’t take his meds? I’ve met with school “nurse” (I put it in quotes because I’m not really sure she has an RN or LPN and her title isn’t “nurse” but that’s the role she fills), the teachers, the assistant principle.

      I keep pointing out his age and that I really can’t force him to take the pill. I’ve offered to let the school nurse give him the pill, but she’s not keen on that idea. I assume because she knows as well as I that he’ll just not take the pill.

      I thought we had it fixed – but, something else is wrong. He’s almost 17 years old. The school is talking about sending him to a school for problem students (like a boot camp), but he technically doesn’t qualify for making him go there as he doesn’t have the required number of write ups. In fact, he’s never been suspended – yet.

      I understand the school’s frustration and get the feeling they plan on bringing the hammer down with write ups and suspensions to just get rid of him. I’ve explained this to him, that once he has the required number of write ups he can be transferred to the other school.

      I don’t know why I’m writing this – I don’t have any questions and I don’t have any answers. The doctor is next and I have hope he’ll get to the root of the refusal.

      After some of the responses to my first post I’m now doubtful that the adverse sexual side effects were real. I don’t know that for sure, but it seemingly isn’t a normal adverse effect of the meds.

      I wish I knew that I was the only parent going through this, but I know I’m not.

      • #83319
        Penny Williams

        First, the school should NOT be talking to you about how you choose to treat your child’s ADHD. That is unacceptable in and of itself.

        Second, the law says they must accommodate students with disabilities and offer them a “free and appropriate education” just the same as non-disabled students. That means they have to accommodate so kids with disabilities have the same opportunity for learning and school “success.” The law DOES NOT say, “provide a free and appropriate public education to only students with disabilities who take medicine.”

        So, that means, very simply, that your son’s school is in violation of federal law.

        If you can, get an educational advocate to help you navigate this issue and get your son what he needs in school. At the very least, let the school know you’ll file a state complaint or a federal discrimination complaint if they don’t start working with his disability ASAP.

        On the medication issue, many teens with ADHD, especially boys, start to refuse medication and treatment. They want to make decisions for themselves and the often don’t want to be different or “broken” so they deny treatment. It’s a super tough place to be in.

        “I’m Sick of Taking Meds!”

        ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #83340

      Second, the law says they must accommodate students with disabilities and offer them a “free and appropriate education” just the same as non-disabled students. That means they have to accommodate so kids with disabilities have the same opportunity for learning and school “success.” The law DOES NOT say, “provide a free and appropriate public education to only students with disabilities who take medicine.”

      Thank you for your response and the pamphlet.

      The school is very much aware that they have to provide children with disabilities the same education. Trust me when I say they are very creative in the way they use both language and the school rules.

      When it comes to discussing meds, they don’t break right into asking if he’s taking them. It’s more that they want to know if I’m following all “doctor’s instructions” or if I’ve kept all followup appointments for him, etc. Sometimes they directly ask if he’s taking his “doctor prescribed medications” but more out of “concern” for his health and treatment.

      I know they really just want him on meds, but can’t come right out and say so.

      Even when he takes his meds he’s not a model student, but, he’s on time, follows the school dress code, participates in class, finishes his homework (and that alone is amazing), does his reading assignments. I’m not in the classroom, but I do get reports from some of the other parents that he, like many high school students, can be difficult as well.

      So, on meds, he’s never received a formal write up or suspension.

      Off meds is another story. He has a few formal write ups for violations of school policy. None are for any form of violent behavior, just things like being late, not finishing homework, cutting up in class, etc.

      To get around the federal law that they provide him an education, I think their plan is to write him up at every possible junction, then suspend him (it’s an “in school” suspension). With enough suspensions they can transfer him out. So, the transfer wouldn’t be because he’s not taking his meds, it would be because he has the required number of write ups. Yes, it’s a distinction without a difference. But, that is how I see it playing out.

      OK, there is some good news. In a word, “driving”. He really wants to get his drivers licence and failed his first attempt at the written test.

      I’m not happy that he failed it (to be frank, I’m not sure I could pass it and I’ve been driving for decades). I do, however, think it was a wake up for him. Maybe. It’s not uncommon for parents to have different dynamics with their kids. My husband has a very different style and relationship with my son. He works while I stay home.

      Recently, we’ve tried a new approach. My husband took him for the driving test. My husband has been talking to him more than before about his med refusals. Frankly for my husband talk to him directly about it at all would be “more”. So, the next doctor’s appointment my husband (who rarely misses a day at work) is taking off to take my son to the doctor.

      It’s not easy in many ways to step back. I don’t think I’ve said before that my son is adopted (I also don’t think I’ve said that he has two Dads). Seriously, I don’t think he or his friends care about that one way or the other. At least half of them come from families that through divorce and remarriage have a complicated family tree with aunts, uncles, cousins, step-brothers/sisters, half brothers/sisters. It’s just not a big deal.

      So, there’s progress. The one thing my husband and I agree on is that he can’t start meds to get what he wants (like a drivers licences), then stop them until he wants something else. It’s either every day (or at least every school day) or not at all.

      I’m an optimistic person by nature. I really do think we’ll find a way through this.

      Lastly, please understand this, if you met my son, you’d like him. He’s a really nice person. Yes, he’s a teenager, but he gets on with people. He might meet you, say hello then go to his room to be alone – but, you wouldn’t feel as if he’d treated you badly.

      There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

      • #83498
        Penny Williams

        If their plan is to punish for ADHD-related behavior until they can get rid of him, there are ways to stop that plan. I would request a Functional Behavior Assessment (FBA) and a Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP). This should be entirely facilitated by a Behavior Specialist on staff with your school board. They have the behavior expertise, and they tell the school staff and administration why the behavior is happening, how to address it, and what consequences are appropriate and spell all that out in the BIP. Then, he can’t be “punished” for behavior related to the disability. I’d push that he doesn’t get suspended for anything related to ADHD. There’s a sample letter to request the FBA here:

        5 School Assessments Your Child May Be Entitled To

        If he does get a certain number of suspensions, then there’s a manifestation hearing. I just learned about that this week, so it’s not an area of expertise, but I encourage you to research it. This hearing determines if the behavior that resulted in suspension manifested from the disability. And that decision governs the next step.

        I get so enraged when schools behave this way. It’s their JOB to care about kids!

        ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #83561


      Thank you. I’d write more, but am literally on my way out the door for the weekend.


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