Makes sense now

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    • #80656
      Jcm929
      Participant

      Howdy everyone,

      I’m 38 and male and haven’t yet been diagnosed (have an appointment but have to wait over a month to get in).
      I recently started back to college (yay me haha) but it’s been a huge struggle. I always wondered why things are so hard for me. My career isn’t a career. I always get stuck in menial jobs, low wage treat you like dirt. Never married, no house and not much else to speak of. Everyone around me says i’m the most intelligent person they know. But i never feel that way. Always feel like i’m lagging way behind everyone else. Even at 38 i have no idea what i want to do with my life. I never really have had any direction. I just sort of exist in a cloud of random thoughts. Reading others stories online has made me laugh and sometimes really sad. I see so much of myself in so many of the stories. I read an article about how ADHD people often do things that make no sense. The example given was driving like a maniac to a job you hate because your running late. I do that often but never stop to think about it. I just rush off. But yeah why am I rushing someplace i don’t care about? I’m an emotional roller coaster, always up and down. Blow up over small things then cool off and forget why i was so angry to begin with. Making and keeping friends has always been a huge challenge. Even as i type this i have a handful of people to socialize with. And those encounters are rare. I’m the guy you invite because everyone else is busy. Then they outright tell me they called every other human they can think of before me. Any chance of dating someone i ruin, mostly by my lack of attention. But also I mix up facts and peoples names. Makes the other person feel i really don’t care. I do care and do want that person in my life, but i always bomb any chance i have. I feel like i found a community. My “people” haha. The stories online i have read have really opened things up for me. I can see that others deal with exactly the same issues. Feel the exact same way about the world as me.

      School was always a struggle for me. I failed first grade in fact, great way to start your education. My family moved to a new city so fortunately I didn’t have to redo first grade with anyone i knew. Middle school was horrible, low grades zero attention. Every teacher conference was the same. He’s smart but just doesn’t apply himself, he’s being very lazy. High school was beyond challenging for me. I felt like i was dropped into a MENSA meeting. I thought these people spoke another language because i sure didn’t know what they were talking about. My parents were beyond frustrated with me, to the point they gave up. Since i was held back i was 19 when i graduated high school. So legally i was adult and the parents stopped caring. It was my life to screw up. I took night school and summer school to graduate. I did in fact graduate, barely. Literally one or two points from failing and taking high school over again. It annoys me as an adult to readily find these resources and identify with them. Why didn’t anyone figure this out sooner? I wasn’t lazy and it wasn’t lack of application. I just literally didn’t learn the same way as everyone else. I’m back in college now, took tech school once before. Did o/k but felt lost a LOT, like all the time. This college is online and I’m doing o/k. But still struggling with reading assignments. I haven’t read a book cover to cover since well probably ever. I have to reread things 100 times to get it. I work full time and school is full time plus other obligations. I think the meltdown is looming. It’s a bit more stress than i expected and i don’t deal well with learning new stuff. But i’m plugging along until i get seen by the psychologist. Hoping life will get a little easier for me. Just beyond tired of struggling uphill with zero results to show.
      thanks for reading, Jason

    • #80669
      Boogie
      Participant

      How about getting a screen reader (like blind people use) so that you can listen instead of reading. Or maybe audio books. It’s possible you have dyslexia too – this often goes with ADHD.

    • #80755
      taniabiddle
      Participant

      Reply to buickman1: I can relate to everything you said but I am an 81 y/o female and have only realized 2 years ago that I have ADD. People don’t believe it when I tell them I have ADD ’cause I’ve been living a lie all my life. The only books I can read are mysteries because I can pay attention to the plot. In school I did poorly in social stdies and history cause they were very boring to me and I guess I could not focus.

      Thanks for your enlightening post.

    • #80821
      Jcm929
      Participant

      I actually read really well. i can read aloud easily and follow along…sort of. but remembering what the hell i read is a no go. literally 20 minutes later i don’t remember much. and often i miss details and that really messes me up. then i have to go chapters back to find the detail i missed. and anything with multiple characters drives me nuts. i can’t keep track of more than like two or three main characters. i have never watched any of the star wars flicks haha, just to many damn people and details to keep track of.

      taniabiddle, yeah i hated social studies and history too. and math was a really bad subject for me. i still too this day can’t do algebra. it literally looks like jibberish to me. i read an article online that called adhd people the “great imposters” haha. i totally agree, i have been lying my way through life. i could land a plane if someone showed me how. i just sort of adapt and keep rolling. jack of all trades master of none.

      i’m getting a bit impatient waiting to get seen and tested. by they time i see this therapist i’m gonna explode with details haha. she will need a couple fresh pens to write it all down 🙂

    • #80952
      Penny Williams
      Keymaster

      Sounds like a struggle with working memory, common for individuals with ADHD.

      Here’s a self-test:

      [Self-Test] Do You Have a Working Memory Deficit?

      And some strategies to help:

      Boost Your Brain Waves: 6 Brain Training Therapies for ADHD

      Penny
      ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Trainer on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #81727
      Jcm929
      Participant

      I went this week and met with a therapist who specializes in adhd in adults. Went well and i have another meeting scheduled. She had lots of questions, some a bit hard to answer. She asked about anxiety. wasn’t really sure how to answer. i really don’t know if i’m anxious or not. I’m just me, never really thought how others see the world or feel about things. She clued me in that many things i struggle with are adhd related and possibly a learning disability. I will have to explore learning issues later on. I guess in a way it was a relief she believed me, understood how i struggle. After being told for years that you just aren’t trying or living up to some magical potential people see in you. It was nice to sit and chat someone who “gets” me. Not sure what the next appointment is, i guess more question time haha.

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