Lying and Stealing

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This topic contains 11 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  ConcernMom3 1 week, 6 days ago.

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  • #48418

    RDebelius
    Participant

    I am new to the forums, but desperately seeking some help!

    Our daughter, 6 years old, was diagnosed with ADHD in the fall. She is exceptionally bright and despite being in 1st grade (and starting school a year early) she is reading at a 3rd grade level and doing high math. Academically she is doing great.

    HOWEVER, she lies and steals CONSTANTLY. Despite talking to her over and over and over again about not taking things, or telling the truth, it happens all day every day.

    We are frustrated and exhausted. We are currently waiting on her prescription of quilivant xr to be approved (insurance denied it), and we are told that her behavior should improve a bit. She has zero impulse control to the point where it is a safety concern. And she lies all the time.

    Someone please tell me it gets better. We need serious help.

  • #48696

    Penny Williams
    Keymaster

    It does get better. 🙂

    The first step is to reframe your thinking. Remember, your daughter is 2-3 years behind kids her age developmentally. That means you’re parenting a 3-4 year old in a lot of ways:

    Stop Telling Your Child to Act His Age

    Then, you have to set appropriate expectations based on that. Without attainable and appropriate expectations crafted with an eye on where your daughter is right now, what’s true for her, she will continue to frustrate and disappoint you, and her self-esteem will dwindle.

    The Truth Will Set Parents Free

    Now that you have the foundation for success, you can effectively address behavior, like lying and taking things without asking (it really isn’t stealing in a 6-year-old that is more like 3-4 developmentally). Lying is very common in kids with ADHD for many reasons. Here’s some explanation, as well as help with turning the behavior around:

    The Truth About Your Child’s Lies

    What to Do if Your Child is a Chronic Fibber

    The Truth About Your Child’s Lying

    Penny
    ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #50113

      renay.montgomery
      Participant

      Hi There:
      Please stay calm. At age six years, your child may still be working to understand the difference between fantasy and reality. I reference: “The Good Behavior Made Easy Handbook,” by Stephen W. Garber, PhD, Marlanne Daniels Garber, PhD and Robyn Freeman Spizman. The authors talk about first ways to determine if a pattern of lying is developing and to check the characteristics that apply to your child. For example: ___ My child tells a story when she/he has made a mistake, ____ My child will do almost anything to avoid punishment, ____ My child appears afraid to tell the truth, ___ My child tells the truth most of the time, ____ My child tells a story when he/she is embarrassed. In addition, they encourage that as you work with your child, pay special attention to the times and situation where he/she is lying. Also, at this age, it may be important to label play situations as fact or fantasy. Children love to pretend and to hear make-believe stories. After story time, talk about whether the characters could be real, if the action could really happen and why? Help your child identify the characteristics that help you draw those conclusions.

      In addition, it may be helpful to develop a positive rewards for telling the truth chart. Each time a truthful statement is made the child can place a colorful star or heart on the chart to earn a special event or privilege. Based on your family activities this can be decided together.

      It is also suggested that telling the truth is part of developing healthy aspects for preparing for the next stage of their development, where she or he will be expected to be accountable for their behaviors which includes telling the truth about what they hear, see and learn.

      I hope this information is helpful.

      Renay Montgomery, M.A. LLP

  • #50000

    Amy Karazim
    Participant

    My situation is similar to yours. This is my first time in the forums. My son is 6, in Kindergarten, and academically he is doing very well, reading on a 3rd grade level, and does very well in math. We have just recently had our first encounter with lying, so I don’t think I can help you there. But, my son was also prescribed Quillivant XR and my insurance didn’t completely deny it, but it was in a much higher “tier” and cost $140 after insurance. I found this website that allows you to get the prescription for only $25. It is legit, I have used my card twice now. Just answer a few questions, and you can print out a temporary card to use right away. I used mine at Walgreens and CVS.

    https://www.quillivantxr-quillichewer.com/savings-and-support/co-pay-card

    We only give it to him in the morning, just to help him while he is in school, and it has helped a lot. He also has ZERO impulse control and that gets him in trouble at school frequently. Since we started Quillivant it has gotten much better. It doesn’t just magically “fix” him, it just helps him with his impulsiveness.

    I have also subscribed to the Positive Parenting Solutions online program and I’ve only done the first session, but I have already seen a drastic improvement in my relationship with my son. I have been there MANY times, frustrated, anxious, exhausted and didn’t know what to do…but since starting PPS things have changed.

    Hope some of this helps. From one frustrated parent to another.

  • #50079

    michelep
    Participant

    My daughters lying and stealing is out of control as well. She is now a teenager! If you find out any solution that will help, I am all ears! We have tried many things, but things are still the same!

    • #177717

      ConcernMom3
      Participant

      Me too and I’m trying to get advice to be proactive

  • #50153

    agarcia8786
    Participant

    We are currently going through the same situation with our 7 yr old. She is academically advanced however she keeps peeing in her pants and lying about it. We don’t get mad at her about the accidents but do explain the severity of lying about things and the importance about being honest. Some days are better than others, and I notice it’s worse if she goes to sleep late or is emotionally upset.

    Keep encouraging good behavior and explaining in why they shouldn’t take things and lie.

    Also, we have her on quillivant (liquid solution). Our copay is 60 so we go to the pharmaceutical company website and get a copay card which can be downloaded for free. This card brings down our copay to $25. We also use this for our sons epi pen. With the copay card it’s free his epipen jr is free.
    The insurance may just need a letter of medical necessity from your provider advising why it’s needed. We use it because it was taking way too long for her to swallow pills in the morning.

  • #50267

    Penny Williams
    Keymaster

    It would be very helpful for parents to stop thinking of this as “lying,” as that assumes a conscious decision to deceive, and also a moral or character flaw. Think of it as teaching lagging skills to a child with a developmental disability. Changing your thinking and perspective will help you address the issue more effectively. It’s not easy, but it really is crucial.

    Penny
    ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

  • #52615

    SHABBBY713
    Participant

    Hello,
    I am the step mother of a 15 year old who for the second time was caught stealing from a store. The first time he had to go to court and do community service. This time they didnt press charges but served him a no trespass. His therapist says we cant take away the BMX bike racing because its something that is good for him. But how can we let him do what hes passionate about when hes doing these terrible things. Im at a loss as to what to even do, as is his father. I am out searching for any information I can find to send to his father to help with the situation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

    • #53343

      Penny Williams
      Keymaster

      Don’t look at letting him continue BMX as rewarding the stealing behavior. The two are not related. If you take away the one thing that he is good at, that he has a good experience with, that will very likely push him toward MORE inappropriate behavior, not less.

      When parenting kids with ADHD, you should focus much more on the positive than the negative /weaknesses/ADHD symptoms.

      Raising a Child Who Wants to Behave

      Penny
      ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #53344

      Penny Williams
      Keymaster

      Don’t look at letting him continue BMX as rewarding the stealing behavior. The two are not related. If you take away the one thing that he is good at, that he has a good experience with, that will very likely push him toward MORE inappropriate behavior, not less.

      When parenting kids with ADHD, you should focus much more on the positive than the negative /weaknesses/ADHD symptoms.

      Raising a Child Who Wants to Behave

      Penny
      ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

  • #177716

    ConcernMom3
    Participant

    I’m new here and I found this by searching for lying and stealing. My lil one is 6 and struggling with school, schoolwork, and a heightened level of lying and stealing. I was told they’re another form of impulsive behavior which is now adding to the already extensive impulsive behavior list. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

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