Lost feelings as a mom

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  killian.cathleen 11 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #80539

    PICHALSKI33
    Participant

    I have a 4 1/2 year old son. He is a very happy and lovable child.. He had a speech delay and at age 3 I got involved in Early Intervention.. He aged out of that and now attends a special school where he has an IEP.. He is in a half day preschool. His speech has improved leaps and bounds.. Since he was an infant I had to constantly fight to ended up taking him to the doctor to prove to my mother-in-law and husband that he was not Autistic.. Since he has been in Preschool I feel like I am fighting left and right the teacher keeps saying he has behavioral issues and I took him to my own Behavioral Therapist who explained to me that once a milestone like speech is behind I need to understand that other milestones would be behind.. Terrible Two’s happened later, “No” happened later.. And it all started making sense.. Is he acting out because of where he is at with his milestones or is it more.. I was diagnosed with ADD/Dyslexia when I was in high school and in the back of my mind I thought of it.. Turns out my nephew was diagnosed with Dyslexia. I mentioned it to him primary and she said he was too young to know.. I took him to the Neurologist who ruled out Autism.. And then when I took him for a follow up I mentioned my concerns and she diagnosed him with ADHD. Since he will be going into Kindergarten he needed to be re-evaluated and he still qualifies for services..

    This past week he had a class party which I run as the class mom.. I was away overnight so he didn’t see me until the party. But he has never acted the way he was acting in class. Not listening, constantly doing what he wanted. He would not listen to me at all.. The teacher ended up bringing in another teacher who my son loves and listens to.. My son had a change of attitude. but once the teacher left and it was time to leave he became difent and would not listen to me at all.. I started to get upset and tried my best to fight back the tears.. I love my son to death and would do anything for him.. After seeing what the teacher goes through with my son I am at a complete loss as to what I need to be doing.. She believes he needs to be medicated and the thought of that for some reason scares the crap out of me..

    He is the most lovable child I know.. Always hugging me and saying I love you mommy.. But I feel like I am doing something wrong.. I am married but OI do feel like I live a single parents life.. The care of my son is on me 97% of the time..

    And with me having ADD and not being able to get the right medication to help me deal with myself and on top of that dealing with my son’s ADHD I do not know my left from my right..

    I feel lost and helpless and don’t have people around me who understand what I’m going through..

  • #80554

    ADHDmomma
    Keymaster

    ADHD is super tough for parents and teachers at that age. The lack of self-awareness and self-control makes improving behavior super tough. You have to just be consistent and keep working at it.

    I understand your fear of medication, especially if you had a bad experience yourself, but try to keep an open mind. My son started ADHD medication at age 6 and it has been enormously helpful. It helped slow his brain down enough to make him available to learn lagging skills, strategies, and coping mechanisms. Learn all you can about medication so you can make an informed decision, instead of simply a fear-based decision.

    A Patient’s Primer on the Stimulant Medications Used to Treat ADHD

    “How Ritalin Saved My Child”

    Penny
    ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Trainer on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

  • #80615

    killian.cathleen
    Participant

    I am the mother of four children ages 22-7. The oldest and youngest have been diagnosed with ADHD. I was diagnosed with inattentive type ADD when my oldest daughter was diagnosed at age 17. I understand how difficult it is to be advised to “be consistent” when you are not sure if what you are doing is the right thing. Medication has been recommended to my son since he was 5. While I believe he may need it eventually, I am not going to start him on it this young. Just a personal choice. His behavior has improved leaps and bounds in second grade and he is making good grades for the first time. He has an IEP and an excellent resource teacher and home room teacher. He is also older. Ages 5 and 6 were challenging, and I was not sure we were going to make it through! Keep the hope alive and just keep loving him the best way you can.
    I have found with my son that sharing some of my experiences of childhood frustration and challenges in a very transparent way has really helped him. He is just glad to know he is not the only one that has setbacks and is glad to know I understand him. In calm moments, usually after an incident, we talk about how it feels when he starts to get emotional or overwhelmed–what is happening in his mind just before the meltdown. It has really helped him.
    To help myself with my own challenges, I joined a mom’s group which offers online classes to help overwhelmed moms in a variety of areas. The founder is a cognitive behavioral therapist with 7 children. She offers parenting help, among other things, including how to help children with learning differences. There is a Facebook group with the greatest support network I have found online. There are moms who have been through all kinds of challenges and offer support and counsel on what worked for them in parenting, marriage, emotions and other areas, all with no judgement. I also have a mentor I can call on with specific questions. Motherhood can be isolating, especially when you have a child who is different. With this group I never feel that I am alone. Please let me know if you have specific questions I may be able to help with. You are definitely not alone in your challenges. I have been there, too. I hope that helps.

    • This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  killian.cathleen.
    • This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  ADHDmomma.
  • #80671

    Boogie
    Participant

    I really like ‘123 magic’ by Tom Phelan. He understands ADHD as a parent. I’m a teacher and use it in school, it works 🙂

    https://www.123magic.com

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