Little patience with other drivers…other shoppers, etc.

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    • #79891
      Starbright
      Participant

      Do other ADHD adults feel frequent frustrations with other drivers while out on the road? Why are they so hesitant? This concept of ‘driving’ can also apply to people around me that are just walking, or worse…pushing a shopping cart. It seems like I am observing all of these other folks processing one thing at a time, and this drives me crazy. I go out of my way to drive (off hours) to stores that are open during atypical hours.

    • #79899
      NumbAllDay
      Participant

      Wow yes I’m so glad you posted that. I’ve had such road rage with ADHD symptoms and impatience it’s terrible. I will sit in my car and be saying curse words almost the entire time I’m driving sometimes. It’s not all the time, but when I’m really upset or in a rush and traffic is slow I will become quite vulgar. It is indeed a likely symptom of ADHD as anything with patience “tends” to be difficult for ADHD as immediate gratification is then absent.

    • #79904
      CraftyB123
      Participant

      Road construction, People driving slowly, people walking slowly, long lines at checkout. Basically waiting for anything ever. Places being too crowded. Random kids everywhere. Accidentally dropping something more than once. When you can’t find something and you know you have it. When you’re almost on time and having a good day and then other people’s mistakes set you back. Being interrupted when you’re trying to focus on something… should I go on?

    • #79905
      Starbright
      Participant

      Being around other people that process incoming information in such a different way is very challenging for me. I have receded from socializing because of this…
      I am rather relieved to know that others feel the same sort of thing.

    • #79906
      Starbright
      Participant

      Need:
      Do you think it’s the immediate gratification link? Could be…but for me, it is the slow processor that I seem to see going on around me. For instance, a green light is green. It isn’t a ‘trick green’…so it really IS ok to go on ahead with the gas pedal. People that are pushing their shopping carts ahead of them at 0.2mph while they look about, only to block the isle at an angle while they think about what they see way down some department.

      I am sure that I irritate other people in some way, but I am really glad to ‘spout off’ here.

    • #79907
      Starbright
      Participant

      Crafty…
      Yes! You CAN go on! I try not to pull my hair out.

    • #79931
      ncwinnz4
      Participant

      I get the same feelings. The grocery store is frustrating, the isles aren’t clear, the lines are long, and either families walk 4-wide in an isle or there’s a large pole conveniently blocking me from where I need to be haha. Parking lots, mixers, pretty much any social setting where there’s a lot of things happening at the same time.

    • #79894
      Andrea@adhdprimed
      Participant

      I don’t know if these frustrations are related to ADHD or not, but slow walkers drive me nuts.

    • #80175
      Gill
      Participant

      Thanks for bringing this topic up Starbright. Yep, impatience can definitely be an ADHD symptom. And I don’t know about you, but once I start getting impatient, then I have found myself being impatient about being impatient!! I also go to grocery stores off hours or get home delivery as the frustrations of long lines & slow, indecisive people isn’t my idea of fun. And I can also find all the lights, noise (music, announcements + people) and ‘stuff’ packed to the ceiling very overwhelming. One of my friends said my shopping trips are like a military operations as they are so focused and efficient – in, retrieve and out in the minimum of time.

      • #80639
        Starbright
        Participant

        Gill,
        I am chuckling at your military reference. I had been described as getting some…something, done with military precision. I still don’t know how to take that. But by golly…when I set my hat to getting something done, I do it with little fanfare. I usually have 27 other things in my mind that I’m dealing with while getting that needed pound of lrganic butter, so shopping can be a kind of hell.

    • #80604
      wolfwynd
      Participant

      This is most definitely me. Anything requiring patience, even if it’s just for a few seconds is so hard to me. Drivers, slow walkers, queues etc. It drives me absolutely mad.

    • #80606
      donsense
      Participant

      A recent survey of my friends and aquaintances was an eyeopener. After 10 surveyed I gave up. No one else uses their car horn at least once on average during a trip (includes trips to the hearby store). I do, in fact driving home from work during rush hour produces numerous opportunities ney necessities to use it.
      Since discovering my “Gift” for life I have taken a few moments to wonder if it is due to my need to rush cuz I am always running late. It goes well beyond horn honking if It is perceived intentional (RSD) rage. Thankfully i have not used my vehicle yet as a means of getting even but ….the grocery cart has accidentally run up the achilles of more than one person in front of me as I dart for an opening. Yes I am almost always in a hurry.
      One place where i have come to expect delays is the Doctors and Dentists waiting room. Accident prone to a fault and full of defective parts now that i am 73 this is probably a good thing. I have an old but wonderful Electronic Solitaire game I take with me if i remember and can find it. It can kill countless hours of diversion enjoyably. I also am a talker ….go figure… and can ask dozens of questions of others i am trapped with. The game usually involves establishing some connection in the fewest guestions. The supermarket and the Boulevard are an entirely different medium. Aa story below as to when it can have devastating results.

      • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by donsense.
    • #80607
      donsense
      Participant

      corrected version below. So much faster than editing lol

      • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by donsense. Reason: Mistakes
    • #80610
      donsense
      Participant

      This is what that urge to let the people delaying you know your thoughts can produce a disaster. I posted this earlier this month in rely to “Foreigner”
      RSD never lets go but it bites me so seldom now i hardly remember those seven policemen who attacked me cuz i got out of my car a year ago last christmas at a check stop. Smashing my glasses, and tearing my coat apart slamming me into the pavement and kneeling on my neck so that my face was planted into the ice and gravel grit of a dimly lit parking lot. Dressed in hiway signalmans garb they should have used to Guide me to where i was to go instead of camoflaging that they were police. I might not have Tongue lashed them. And they might have kept the handcuffs in their pocket. It did occur to me that as i was waiting for urgent open heart surgery that this might not be the most acceptable exercise regime. After ordering an ambulance that i had to pay for they profusely apologized and drove me home. Something about the maximum positive driving credits and no record of ever being pulled over and no convictions and taking meds that would have made me violently ill if i had been consuming alchohol. Their whole beef was that i got out of the car..and verbally told them what i thought of their sloppy organization. 5 years in the airborne is excellent training for reaming idiots out. . this was a check stop in the city and in my mind it involved going into an office or trailer for a sobriety test. I am sure that a 73 year old male who could barely walk was a physical threat to a gang of 7 of them.
      The result was 4 days later i fell leaving my chair and could not get up . It took me twenty minutes to inch myself backwards to the couch and phone. Instructed to take a cab to the hospital I made it to my car and drove. For the next 5 nights i attended that emergency dept for a two to four hour IVIG transfusion They actually wanted me to check into the hospital. Because of this I am no longer able to have a flu vaccine shot. A few weeks later i received my first call to check in for open heart surgery. It had to be delayed because of the transfusion.
      The police asked what caused my reaction and to totally uninformed ears i said ADHD. They were quick to deny that this had anything to do with it.
      PS I was on my way to the Xmas choral party…. and my Lawyer, husband of one of the Sopranos also attended. He tried to convince me to seek attonement but i declined. The police commission was actually looking for examples like this so they could improve citizen relations. Because (cuz) of my RSD i gave them the benefit of the doubt and chalked it up to experience. However that is one of only 2 instances in the last 5 years since i started ven la faxine.
      That and the fact i was the youngest in a very large family seldom ever left me with the feeling of not fitting in. Give or take my first wife (of 3 wives) of 30 years who hated my family and treated them so.

      So yes RSD doesnt let go and the constabulary are not the ideal candidates for a demonstration. About the only thing worse is a 19 year old lieutenant in the armed forces on exercises 55 years ago. After pulling 48 non stop hours of duty making sure my highly inebriated CO could find his way back to his quarters all night, i just get to sleep when someone yells at me to camofage my vehicle. Zzzzzzand then this teenager is standing there yelling at me to get up and get it done or I will be another casualty of his hangover. For a moment i thought of going back to sleep until i remembered that he was a teen and an officer with a gun which he was taking out of its holster. A tiny voice thought, Perhaps he was just nuts enough to do it.
      Two other incidents in the last 8 years that I recall the last one costing me $379.00 for damage to a garage door.

      • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by donsense.
    • #80620
      JCG
      Participant

      Yes! It drives me crazy when people putz along especially when they are in the left (fast lane) on the freeway and everyone has to pass them on the right because they are going too slow and holding up the flow of traffic. I think they are either selfish and don’t care or are in their own little world.

      I swear alot and am very impatient with slow driver’s or ones that actually SLOW DOWN as they approach a green light. I don’t ever swear directly at them or engage in road rage, but I am frustrated and cannot wait to get around them! Maddening!

    • #80622
      Starbright
      Participant

      JGC…
      Omg! The slowing towards a green light, or the apparent reluctance at the whole ‘starting up again’ when the red goes away…and the green appears! It isn’t a trick green! It’s real, and the foot needs to switch to the ‘go’ pedal. Sort of like now.
      I speak very fluent “French” when I drive. Years ago, I used to be a AAA driving instructor. All my students passed. I almost passed out. Lol…

    • #80638
      Jcm929
      Participant

      haha i drive for a living, on the road ALL day. My patience varies between buying a tank and plowing through traffic and casually screaming at the windshield. I read an article that ADHD folks are more likely to have accidents….ya know lack of focus and all. But i love driving and don’t struggle at all. In the last month alone I have seen a few people face timing. One women snapped her phone into a dock on the dash. I’m thinking o/k maybe navigation….nope. She literally fires up youtube and starts watching vids while driving haha. Couples having an all out end the world fight while driving. Mini vans full of kids while mom is checking her instagram cruising along at 45. I daily drive a 300+ horsepower sports car. And these folks can’t get the old corolla to work without a ten car pileup.

      And the people that walk in front of you at the store without saying “excuse me”……i just about go nuclear. I usually quit loudly say EXCUSE YOU. The death glare is totally worth it. And the one’s who don’t bother to watch there kids. I saw two boys banging shopping carts into each other. Literally having a shopping cart demo derby in the store. And it’s a new thing to take your kid to the store and make him shop? Literally these parents are on the phone slurping a starbucks making there 6 year old fetch things.

      I might be switching jobs soon, back to a desk. Thank jebus cause I just about can’t stand driving anymore.

    • #80644
      tapanzera
      Participant

      I find that even at 71 my reaction time timeis shorter than another drivers and i it drives me crazy that they seem so slow to move when the traffic lights ch change, etc.

    • #80646
      CTG
      Participant

      Yes! Yes! Yes! How refreshing to not feel alone with my frustrations and impatience over, what to me, appears to be absolute stupidity. I have suspected that my ADHD plays a role in my reactions to how others drive, walk, talk, and basically have their being in relation to the rest of the world. So many of these issues have been mentioned: drivers hitting the brake when approaching a green light, going through when it turns yellow (as if they were waiting for this), and me having to wait at the now-red light; people who have been driving for decades arriving at an intersection with befuddled wonderment–as if seeing an intersection for the first time in their lives; drivers mindlessly hogging the left-hand lane of a multi-lane highway, defeating the very logic behind why we build multi-lane highways…the list goes on ad nauseam.

      Is this all really due to my ADHD? I suppose my personal reaction is deeply rooted in ADHD, but I also suspect many people are not thinking, not considerate of others, and are lost in their private worlds. I’ve come to realize that most people living with an ADHD mind process multiple pieces of information simultaneously with lighting speed, while the majority of neurotypicals ponder each piece of incoming information at a glacial pace. Running late never helps me, so I’ve been working hard at thinking in terms of leaving time, rather than the time I must arrive at my appointment (which somehow in my mind means I only need to leave slightly before I must arrive). If I can be ready before leaving time, and if I can leave early enough to allow for all these maddening delays, I find I deal with them better. I still struggle with internal impatience, frustration, and anger, but I manage all of that better when I know I have plenty of time to get to where I’m going.

      Since the only experience and mind I have known is my own, I do find trying to understand what it’s like to be neurotypical a difficult task. To be fair, I’m guessing neurotypicals struggle to understand the ADHD mind and experience. What I don’t understand is how people who process limited amounts of information so slowly are able to accomplish so much. Is the only difference that they do not procrastinate and get distracted?

    • #80649
      Starbright
      Participant

      I know…
      I struggle with acting like I don’t notice the ‘ka-chunk’ of one painfully slow sentance finally emerge from a neurological. I want so very much to just put us both out of (well…my) misery and just finish their sentance…solve the whatever it was, squeeze around them, and get the hell out of there. I

    • #80739
      Fedd Roxx
      Participant

      Boy oh boy…I can relate to this. My road rage use to be really bad. Thank goodness for meditation and mindfullness work…I probably could have really messed up without that. It’s still a struggle every day – even though I’m better. One of the worst for me is any kind of line, especially if I want expecting it – I have walked out of three stores in a row because it was taking to long or I didnt like how long the line was. It’s very frustrating…and don’t get me started on those people that bring 7 kids to the grocery store and then just stand in the middle of the aisle! ARRGHH! DRIVES ME NUTS! Thanks for giving me a chance to talk about it.

    • #80750
      taniabiddle
      Participant

      Eye opening!! I did not realize I had ADD until I was almost 80 y/o. I’ve have always needed to pass cars when driving and get plenty of inner road rage. I’ve left grocery shopping carts ’cause I could not stand to wait any longer. I never realized it was ADD. Right now I’m in a retirement community and trying to learn a game called rummy cube.
      I’m very slow at playing right now. I’ve gotten so inpatient that I decided that I’d better just stop trying to learn the game. I always wondered why I Hated to play board games as a child. A lot of my behavior and emotions that I had growing up are now making sense to me.

      I am looking for some professional help but can’t seem to find it; but I will keep trying. I don’t know how to change my brain!!

    • #80764
      domalskid
      Participant

      I haven’t driven in 13 years but back then I did get hugely, maddening, and obnoxious reactions to other drivers. No road rage, only the obscenities in my car. And y’all have mentioned slow walkers…UGH…and if you’re coming up on someone slow on the sidewalk, say, and it’s nearly impossible to pass them without a sense of awkwardness because for several seconds you’d be somewhat alongside this person. So…I catch up to them, slow down, and be pissed. lol But GROCERY CARTS?!?!?! I’ve wanted so many times to just ram my cart into someone. You get people going right in your direction, so you move, then they move, like, hello?!? Then you have the people walking at a snails pace and you go to pass and there’s all these other carts going in all sorts of directions. Like, really? When I go to the store, in and out, no browsing (I’m incapable of browsing, actually). I posted something on my facebook about having road rage in the grocery store. lol Lastly, I’m about to start driving again, within the month hopefully…I have NO idea how I’m going to be again on the road! At least I know I have all of these ADHD people who go through the same thing!

    • #80798
      Starbright
      Participant

      It is my belief that our processors are not slow…not by a long shot. We are used to managing so many more incoming pieces of information every waking moment. We very quickly notice things. We rapidly see a clear route from point A to point B, and can’t stand having to work our way around people that seem to be moving through glue. We see where their line of (slow) thought is going, and can easily finish their sentance.
      I see solutions to things by looking at their shapes, and get frustrated when I’m discounted. I like more alone time as my life goes on.

    • #80810
      donsense
      Participant

      I agree on the speed of the processors until i translate that into timed tests such as crosswords or showerring, and dressing after a golf game. I am always last by a long shot. I have always thought the rush was due to concern we would forget the item in our mind or other things we need to do cuz we are already late and forgetful. The longer it takes to do something the more distraction possibilities or our eternal quest for dopamine to keep our mind sharp.
      As i age (not so gracefully after 3 wives have departed) i also tend to value the alone time but it passes so quickly. I also value the together time each week with 3 choirs 2winter and 1 summer and 170 choristers, 25 senior golfers, and 40 veteran snooker players. And going against the trend my fellow church attendees and @ 10person mens group aged 73 to 95 who get together once a month and laugh at our problems. Later This month our Male Chorus will be touring with wives near International Falls by bus and we will have the time of our lives on that Bus…not to mention while performing. At the end i will be exhausted of the company and cant wait to get home. Dopamined out.

    • #80822
      ADDLobstah
      Participant

      Oh, man, do I remember those road rage days. With meds, I only get angry when I see people driving super fast as I drop my kids off at school. It’s a SCHOOL ZONE.

      Try making it a game. Like those factory signs with “We now have 12 days without an accident.” See how many minutes before someone does something really dumb. Keep score. “Red Camry breaks this weeks record at 6 minutes with a stupid level of 5!”

      Or get a dash cam and send it to the cops. 🙂

    • #80829
      ruth.sings
      Participant

      Yes, probably ADHD is a factor – I understand that a different perception of time is common to people with ADHD. I have very little awareness of the passage of time, no sense or feel for it. Sometimes I’m racing fast and sometimes (usually when I’m very tired) I’m way too slow. I’m aware of it thanks to the speedometer and the people riding my bumper and yeah, my brain is horrified at the slowness of my physical reactions. So I try to be considerate of others on the road (keeping to the right, pulling over to let people pass me on 2 lane roads).

      One last thing – last week, a young father was stabbed and killed in a road-rage incident in our semi-rural county. When the person responsible is caught, no one will be convinced if he says “I have ADHD, I couldn’t help myself!”. The one thing that helps me most to keep a lid on my temper is to start my day early…with a good sleep the night before and enough headstart on my drive-time to not be in a hurry.

    • #80833
      Oldoc
      Participant

      I’m the same but I find life goes better if I do some of the following! appreciate that ADHD leads to extreme impatience Iry not to own the feeling see it as an alien part of my brain that owns the emotion not me. Second I find it helps to pretend that other cars are just environmental hazards like a slippery road after rain. It is all about them they are NOT OUT TO GET ME! Mind you this does not work as well if I am in a heightened emotional state before driving or late.

      • #80866
        donsense
        Participant

        Agree wholeheartedly. I googled Low Frustration Tolerance for ten years with no usable results before my diagnosis . Last year was the first time I found a reference to ADHD and it was on page 4 of the results (10 per page. )

    • #81221
      A-Hörnchen
      Participant

      Well honestly, I think it may just be that everyone here has has to face this kind of Situation one way or an other!

      It’s the SPECIFICS which make this type of little background “story” worthwhile!

      Up until about 3 to four years ago I,too,could be heard relating stories or rather, experiences, (my personal, completely emotional and thus certainly judgemental) OPINIONS to whomever would stand still close to me long enough for me to talk to them!;)

      Entrance Ritalin (Adult).
      That changed almost everything for me.
      Now, I know, this might be hard to believe but I would ASK you to,for the time bring,take my word for it. Please. Thank you very much!

      Since then I’ve come to realize that I am not and most certainly never was THE most talented driver north of the equator :D. Sometimes, I was saved only by my fellowmen who prevented catastrophy. One that I would surely have wrought upon all of us then on the road!

      My lack of impulse controll endangered more then one other driver and even my own family wasn’t save from me when it came to driving and extremely high speed!

      So, I WAS special, indeed. But definately not in the way I’d always thought of myself!!

      The remainder of the unbelievable arrogance I cultivated during those times between puberty and young adulthood actually only just “left me” as soon as I turned 31. Luckily, it’s NEVER returned to this very day!

      • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by A-Hörnchen.
    • #83386
      Heather2310
      Participant

      😂 The DMV should be much more strict with handing out drivers licences. People should not walk three abreast on sidewalks. Don’t get me started on lines…

      • #83406
        Starbright
        Participant

        Yes…they should. I also think that they should have a bottle of blood pressure medication to give to those of us that have to navigate safely around those drivers that are safety hazards not because of excessive speed….but because of excessive slowness. This driving behavior isn’t mentioned much, but it IS a situation that breeds accidents.
        I don’t want to talk about lines, either.

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