LIFE CRISIS NEED ADVICE PLEASE :(

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    • #89331
      ADDvocate
      Participant

      LIFE CRISIS CAUSE OF ADHD-PI NEED HELP/ CAREER/ LIFE DIRECTION

      Please forgive me my bad english skills and thank you so much for taking the time to read this i really need some advice from some TEACHERS/ATTORRNEY/ LIFE EXPERIENCED Life experienced people.
      Hey guys, im 23 year old male Law student from germany. I was with ADD/ADHD-PI as i was 8 yeas old and medicated since this day. (not really hyperactive). Ive got a big Problem.

      HERE IS MY STORY:
      After my “German A-level” with 18 i worked for 2 1/2 Years in a german Bank (normally customerservice andLoans to 100000 EUR not Investmentbanking. Lots oft routines everyday the same products to sell etc.). We call it “Ausbildung” here in Gemrany. I hated it. Also i took my meds but i couldnt memorize important processes and details and forget signs from customers on important documents while practise, my school grades were really good but my day-to-day practise was horrible because of my Adhd and i think because of my lack of interest after a while. But i finished it because i had a good female mentor who supported me in practise. My final exam grade was really good btw.

      After that i started to study business administration.Parallel i worked at a big four Firm in tax adivsory. I could cover that i was totally unhappy with work but i did it for my CV. After 7 Months i needed to go ( not fired i quit) because slowly the people realised i was a mess. But i get a good resume all in all so it was worth it. All in all I hated it because of all the Maths and Numbers i like words more. First i wanted to study psychology which im still really interested i, but my A-level grades were to bad and also much statistics so i looked for something other.
      So i started Lawschool because after my time in Sales (bank) i always wanted to be a real expert in something who can help people with this knowledge and not need to sell them stuff to make living. After a short time i really exceled. My grades were on the top 20% most of the time and people started to ask me questions about the Lawschool stuff and to work with them because they thought i would be a smart guy. I had a general interest in law, was really good in writing and working with the “law language”. My family always says i talk like an old professor 😉 and i liked the competition to show all the normal guys that im “better”. Seems weird i know. I was really stressed but engaged in a good way i think ( 3. Semester now.) First time in my life i had no problem with learning 8 weeks in a row almost everyday 3-5 hours structured (of course with much meds 30-40 mg mph a day, normally i take 10-20 on a work day). Was really trippin at the end of the day but it seems worth it to me.

      But after a while i started struggling about the upcoming day to day practise. While im like always good in the theory i became anxiety about what will come after the university, especially as attorney. I become totally depressive and started not going to university anymore for the last months. ( Need to say that in my life im mostly learning for me because i cant follow the readings but in germany we dont need to appear as long we pass the test so everything was fine). But i resignated totally also no learning at home like before because i had fear of the future and because of that i wasnt 100% in anymore.
      Like when i cant work as normal Banker or accountant guy in low position without many mistakes what will come as attorney??? I mean my interest is like 100% percent higher and i like to discuss about law and to know more about it and my friends say i would make a really good lawyer but my stomach grumbles about the future… Btw im an ENTP from myer briggs so attend to this test lawyer is a really good career choice. I need to say that there starts a fire in me when a friend asked some law questions and i can help them. But thats all theory, no paperwork and this shit. Just research and talking.
      ALSO ITS IMOPRTANT TO SAY i hate to be on meds. I know i just could get success in this business in my life when i take them and i hate me on this stuff. I cant manage my life without a low dose but as attorney i think i need much of this MPH and it makes me to a zombie. Cant socialise after 15mg +. Also a thing that makes me anxiety is legal tech and the jobloss for attorneys in future, which will make everything more harder in the field, but thats another story. So i looked for alternatives and for practise experience in Law. First i started a few days in a 2 Attorney chancellery. They let me work from home and give me cases to read, something to research and write to get a feeling for all the stuff and they told me that practise law in germany is more like form and deadline things and evidences than about material law like in university. As i heard that a red light in my head starts because form and deadlines sounds dangerous for an adhd guy. Also they took me to judge. Which was cool. All in all it was okay not extrem good but also not like in the bank before. The work seems important to me. But i think it just worked for me because working from home. I HATE office space. My body resignates when it comes to the typical office space. Its like a Prison for me. Maybe its a “PTBS” from the bank time ( hell of a negative feedbackciycle). The 2 attorneys liked my way to think and my work but it were just little thinks that ive had to do. Just research and studying cases no formulars or real suits to create. I dont know how i feeled when i had to work all day long in their office and if i liked it. But there was not enough space. But i took this type of Attorney office before big law because i know when it will come to practise law for me, then on my own or in a little chancelry because i would fail epic in big law. I need my freedom and no controll after little steps ( to cover my own mistakes i think). After they read my research and writing they sayed its good and i can do it as attorney but they dont know that i was on 20 mg while doing it and startet last minute at 8 PM after doing all day something other (procastrinate) and worked till 2 am.

      So after all that i have done a seccond practise time at middle-highschool (kids from 10-18). WHY DID I DO THAT? Because i wanted to try a job which means to be more suited to adhd after all that “Anti-ADHD-shit” and lots of friends are master students in teaching and give me the advice to try it. So i started 14 days in this school. It was really hard for me to switch from my Banker/accountant/Attorney way of thinking and working back to the sweet and funny school atmosphere and to talk with an subject which has not 5 years of university and is over 23 Years old. But after a time i started to enjoy the work environment and i could make it through the day without meds. But i couldnt really take it serious the first days, it seems to me like ” Kindergarden”. Feeled missplaced. But this feeling disappeared after a while and i start warm up with the kids. I prepared one lesson in biology on my own and give it to a 5 /6. class. I failed a little bit because i wanted the kids something to do which was to difficault in their age. ( It was a school german “Gesamtschule” with 3 disabled kids in a class so maybe in a german “Gymnasium” it would have worked.) But i mean hey after a few days and my backround it was clear i would not exceled. Also i dont like natural science shit. More the Literature/History/social studies. Really liked the lessons i could assist the teachers there. Also some kids liked me, some not but they accepted me all and as older they were as much more they liked me (was really interesting for them to speak with somebody from the “real world”. All in all i need to say: the work environment is PERFECT for me with my adhd. Always on my feet, no important signs, formulars or processes to remember which means life or dead when missing and no FUCKING OFFICE SPACE. Just organising and grading will be a challenge and maybe need to medicate hard for this in the first years). Also i was a little bit nervous in front of class but my feedback from the teachers was good and they think i could make it. But i need to say there is not a fire for education like it is when it comes to law questions. But i started missing the kids after the 14 days 🙂 was really a nice experience! Also the given structure was good for me no procastrinate no flextime on work. That was good for me to come to work, i think as self employed it would be hard.

      SOOOOO in conclusion i have to decide:
      Should i go the path of the Lawyer, through the ULTRA HARD germany bar exam which could be failed, and then try my luck as attorney with the risk i maybe get replaced by legal tech in 15-20 years or fucked the thing up because of my adhd and the consequences in day-to-day work BUT with more passion i think or should i take the teaching path which means not so much passion for me BUT was okay and much better to handle.??? Need to study something which is not so interesting for me but my life after that (alsmost 40 Years in worklife) maybe is more enjoyable and less stressfull. I dont want to be a man which is fired every 6 Months ore bankrupt and cant bring some money for his family home. I need to decide within the next few days and after 4 Months of practise experience and thinking i couldnt decide. Maybe there are some TEACHERs or ATTORNEY or some life experienced people who can give me the right direction.
      Really going insane over this shit.
      Thank you so much for reading!
      Comment

    • #89363
      liasamturn
      Participant

      Hi!

      I had a similar crisis when I finished uni…always found school easy and didn’t start struggling with deadlines/self discipline until my final year…but then I was off the wall with anxiety and panic about what I was going to do with my life. I gave up on being a journalist because I realised a life of deadlines wasn’t going to be doable for me….then I was a teacher for a few years, which was when I finally got an adhd diagnosis!

      After that I had about a year of panicking about what career I could have so had 4 unskilled jobs just to pay bills while I was adjusting…..they were all very physical jobs – building sites, cleaning, dog walking…and by sheer coincidence I realised that was what I felt happiest doing! It did suck at first…giving up on an academic sort of career I’d been told to pursue for my whole life….but now.. I don’t feel anxious or out of control very much anymore. I still have an unconventional mish-mash of jobs…. I work with dogs, build and freelance write because I do enjoy nerdy stuff…but once you ignore other people and really think about what works for you, I can promise you it’s so much better than just battling through stress and symptoms to do what you think you should be doing.

      Also is it really essential that you decide in the next few days? Is it possible to take a few months working different non-pressured jobs so you can still earn while giving yourself a bit of head space? You sound very much like you’ve been flat out for a long time, which always makes us adhd lot go a bit frantic and unable to think about things objectively. You know like you’re stuck running on a hamster wheel…?

      Also also… I really hope you don’t mind me saying because I appreciate some people don’t like taking meds, but I have always found that if I have hated taking meds it means they’re not working….when I’m properly medicated it feels like I’m not medicated, if that makes sense……it just finally felt like someone had flicked a switch in my brain to ‘normal’!
      Have you spoken to a doctor and explained what’s going on?

      Lots of luck to you, anyway. You’re not alone!

      X
      X

    • #89364
      JBoom
      Participant

      The one thing I really wish I’d known when I was 23 is that there is plenty of time left to pursue a life well-lived. Which is to say, you can always start over if your primary plan doesn’t work. Knowing that makes the prospect of failure livable. Failure is the best path to success, and thus worth the investment.

      I speculate that you want to go the lawyer route, but are afraid of failure. If that’s the case, go for it. You could also pursue teaching law, which would combine both.

      Tech will eventually replace all jobs — but it almost always creates new ones as it does. And those new jobs usually come from the ideas of those replaced by tech. I wouldn’t worry too much about that, it’s a societal concern with little long term merit.

    • #89392
      ADDvocate
      Participant

      Thank you so much for taking the time and reading this giant block of text! both of you gave me wonderful points. I really need to come out of the hamsterwheel…Something other to get a new mindset. i really stuck in my thinking and should consider to work something easy for a while. Because of that i have a job in a theatre over the summer vocation and it starts next month. Physical and social work. Really excited how it will work. Yes i talked with my doctor, but its a thing of the dosis. my “feel normal” dosis” is not enough for long learning in law school.Feels so good to finally find some people who understand me. Always surrounded by non-adhd people. And with the legal tech, i think youre right. But still worrying :S

    • #89393
      ADDvocate
      Participant

      ah and teaching law in germany is really difficault. Mostly you need to be a Prof. which maybe can do one from 20.000 Lawyers. So i shouldnt speculate on this. And schools mostly need a seccond curse. Only law is not enough. So its difficault to go this route. i considered this but i seems to be very hard to realise…But possible. Just not sure if my love for the law is enough to take this difficault route…

    • #89394
      ADDvocate
      Participant

      ah sorry and i need to decide because the time to decide for studying teaching comes to an end. when i say no i need to wait 1 Year to get a chance to start. So i will maybe lose a year if i not decide fast.

    • #89399
      marinakiku
      Participant

      Holy crap I have no idea how I made it through that message, but I did, lol. I could almost feel the intensity of your anxiety as I was reading it. I 100% agree with the responses of both individuals who already replied. They have given some great advice.

      So, here’s the thing…as someone who is 44, have been in a number of jobs myself, and find myself struggling more and more because of my ADD symptoms as I get older, you have to decide where your “peace” place is. If you want the life of constantly being medicated at higher doses to function, forever stressing about your abilities, stressing about your future, whether you’re going to make mistakes, someone taking your job (because none of these things are likely going to go away for you…as this is how your brain is wired), then by golly, go the lawyer route! …I joke, but really, those are all the things I read in your post associated with the law route…and that doesn’t sound like it’s conducive to a healthy mental, social, or physical route (b/c the stress will eventually begin to affect you physically as well).

      If you like the structure of the teaching job, it allows you to build positive and encouraging relationships with the students, and opens up opportunities for you to help students who you may notice are going through ADD struggles also and be one of the few teachers who might show them compassion, encourage them, reassure them, and have an impact on their lives, all while NOT stressing over your job every hour of every day, NOT having to take higher doses of medication, being able to have a social life, being able to go home and spend time with your loved ones without having work on the brain and anxiety about what you have to catch up on because you’ve procrastinated so much (again, just the nature of those of us with ADD), having extra time each evening to just do things you enjoy doing because you can finish your teaching work and be done with it until the next day, then go with teaching! and when an opportunity arises to switch to a subject matter you are more passionate about (humanities, history, civics, even possible law aligned classes that Germany may offer…I apologize, as I do not know what subjects are offered to middle and high schoolers there), make the switch! Do they have after school clubs/activities there? If so, use your passion to start a debate club, or law club, where students can learn and participate and you can share your passion for the law and debate with them. This way you get to stay connected with that passion.

      Your other option, like has already been mentioned, take the year off and try different jobs to see if there’s anything else that sparks your interest. So what, you lose a year of progressing in the teaching realm. If you feel pretty strongly like there’s still more for you to explore, then do it now. You are still young. You don’t have to be at a certain point in your life by the time you’re 25 or whatever just because society “others” say you should be. You do you dude! Stop worrying about what societies expectations are and go where your gut tells you to go to go. If you are a Christian, pray about it, ask God to guide you, give you clarity, and lead you where He want’s you to go.

      Ultimately, in the end, you are the only one that can make the decision of what you are going to do. The good thing is, you’re not a failure just because you did or did not choose one route over another, but evaluate each of the routes. As a matter of fact, take a piece of paper right now, break it into 3 columns and put each of those options at the top of each column and begin making a list of pros and cons for each. More than likely, visually seeing it on paper is going to help you come to the best conclusion for you. If you haven’t done this before, please, seriously do it. It is such a helpful tool.

      Finally, my last little point, I couldn’t completely tell if you were against having to take ADD medication altogether, although you know you need it to function, or if you are just opposed to higher doses because of how you feel when you take the higher doses. Just know this, there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking ADD meds and having to be on them to function as neurotypicals do, as we live in a neurotypical world and neurotypical expectations are placed on us, so if your body needs it to function and accomplish tasks that others don’t need the medication for, then oh well, so be it, take the meds. That is the nature of our brain chemistry. The medication helps put us on a level playing field with other individuals who are trying to function in the world….and if you feel like you struggle with those higher doses, you may need to consider trying some other ADD medications, as the one the doctor has you on may not be the one best suited for your body chemistry. Just something to consider.

      Well, I don’t know if I have been of any help, but I probably now have a response equally long to your post, all the while avoiding the work that I should be doing right now. 😀 (Ai yai yai) Good luck and let us know what you plan to do.

      p.s., I’m not going back to proofread this b/c I know it will take me an extra 20-30 mins literally, and I’m exhausted and I have already spent more time than I should have on the interwebs 😉 Don’t judge me my fellow ADDers. 😀

    • #90301

      Na du,
      ich verstehe dich voll und ganz, ich bin 28 Jahre alt und tut mich gerade so schwer mit dem was ich machen will, ich hätte mein Studium schon vor über einem Jahr abschließen sollen, hab aber so angst davor das ich durch meine ADHS nicht im normalen Arbeitsleben funktionieren werde und drücke mich glaube ich davor fertig zu werden… ich kann es voll und ganz nachvollziehen, wer will schon ein Loser sein der nichts gebacken kriegt? Ich fühle mich ähnlich wie du… ich habe in den letzten Wochen festgestellt ich muss einfach Dinge tun bei denen ich leidenschaftlich dabei bin sonst wird was nichts bei mir. Lästiger Papierkram ist zwar kacke aber ich habe festgestellt es geht wenn mich die Sache emotional berührt. Ich glaube also wenn du als Anwalt es irgendwie hinkriegst dir Fälle zu besorgen die dir am Herzen liegen und guckst, dass du je nach dem öfters so einen hast fällt es nicht so schwer den Papierkram für Fälle zu erledigen auch bei denen die du nicht so toll findest. Ich hoffe das hilft irgendwie.

      PS wie/wo kann man sich in Deutschland gute preisgünstige Beratung oder Hilfe holen was ADHS angeht. Ich nehme zwar Medikinet Adult aber ich bräuchte noch mehr Unterstützung und da du schon so lange damit zu tun hast du vielleicht etwas info für mich.

    • #90314
      strwbry
      Participant

      Hi ADDvocate!

      My mother worked for several ADD lawyers during her career. I’m not sure how things are structured in Germany, but in the US, secretaries do a TON of the paperwork/scheduling/organizing for lawyers, so it’s a great field for ADD folks. It sounds like the career you are more passionate about, and I think that the more interested we are, the better ADD folks are able to focus and commit. It sounds like you were excelling with your lawyer path until you started listening to your fear.

      I’d say, take the risk, run after it with everything you’ve got. Trust yourself that you CAN do it. And be prepared to ask for help when you get overwhelmed. An add coach can help with the organizational skills.

      I’m starting school next week to become a teacher after years of assisting in the classroom. 🙂 it is a good fit for me, and I love kids. If I were you, I’d keep teaching as a second option. That way, it takes a little pressure off your pursuit of becoming a lawyer.

      And don’t be afraid to switch careers if you get bored after 5-10 years. It’s normal for us ADD people. I’m expecting to get bored teaching at some point, so I’m planning to switch grade levels or schools when my interest wanes.

      Best of luck to you my friend. Trust yourself. You know yourself the best.

      My husband is an ENTP. 🙂 God help whoever finds himself opposing him in a courtroom!!! Lol!

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