Lagging skills or ODD ?

This topic contains 3 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  ADHDmomma 7 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #85359

    dmu1970
    Participant

    How do you know if the behavior your ADHD/ODD/Mood Disorder child (teen) is exhibiting is due to lagging skills ? I’m being told by many (including the school) my 17 yo son is manipulating us. I have always been a firm believer in Dr Ross Greene… that kids do well if they can and if they are not doing well then it is due to a lagging skill.

    Does it ever turn out to be manipulation? Even my own therapist, who I see for my own ADHD and depression/anxiety (she actually used to be a school social worker for many years ) says there is a component to my sons negative behaviors that are kind of over ridden by the ODD – not sure if I will explain this right but she says bc of the ODD his temperament is to say black when we say white, yes when we say no etc – so is that really a lagging skill or just part of the ODD?
    And can a neuropsych eval tease what is a skill deficit versus a performance deficit ?

  • #85372

    ADHDmomma
    Keymaster

    I think any 17-year-old teen can try to manipulate parents from time to time. When it’s more than that, then I believe there’s an underlying reason. ODD could be the reason. Other possible reasons are: avoid getting in trouble, avoid disappointing parents if they discovered the truth, avoiding things that are difficult, etc… And the more our kids are pushed into learned helplessness (for us it’s the schools never supporting my son so he can achieve success), the more avoidant behaviors increase.

    I’m a huge fan of Greene’s work as well. It really is true that behavior is communication. Using that as your parenting compass is so helpful when raising kids with ADHD. Dr. Greene is actually doing a free webinar on teens with ADHD and ODD on June 6th.

    Live Webinar on June 6: Beyond Rewards & Consequences: A Better Parenting Strategy for Teens with ADHD and ODD

    A very thorough neuropsych eval could possibly reveal lagging skills, especially those that are part of executive functioning. If you go that route, be sure to tell the evaluator up front that you want to consider all skills that could be delayed.

    Penny
    ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

  • #85404

    dmu1970
    Participant

    Yes I signed up for his webinar as soon as it was announced !

    So I’m having my son fill out this on line IEP tool (my local parent support grp told me about it) the other day and one of the questions was “what do you consider are your strengths ?”. His answer – lying – I’m good at lying mom. He has a sly sort of little smile as he says it the second time and I was so stunned I couldn’t respond. Now we know he has told many lies over the years – Did u take your medicine? – yes mom – look at the pill box and nope -meds still there. And big ones – did you get dads Apple password and order all those games? No way mom – of course we find out he did.

    So the first example is likely he didn’t want to hear me complain about having to always remind him.
    The second example was to avoid getting in trouble. But the why did he spend all of that money with the Apple account ? My husband accidentally left the password on the screen or something like that and then next day it was still there and my son wanted these games and knew we would say no and his friends were already playing them and he wanted to play with them – so impulsivity was part of that as well as not wanting to do the work (he knows he can do extra chores to make money) to earn it and ? maybe time blindness- he would have to wait weeks until he could earn enough money to buy them. And that probably seemed like a year to him.

    So I’m not sure if I’m trying to justify or simply to understand how their brains work. I guess my thought is – wouldnt the intervention be different based on if it’s due to avoiding hard work versus being impulsive versus avoiding being grounded (feeling uncomfortable) etc etc?

    By the way I will let you know the website for the IEP tool.

    • #85496

      ADHDmomma
      Keymaster

      My son does the same thing with purchasing games with my credit card without permission. It has gotten really bad. Right now he has no gaming devices for 3 weeks. That is something we’ve struggled immensely with over the years and still no improvement. My son says he feels like it’s completely out of his control to stop in the moment – like it’s a compulsion. Regardless of the validity of that and it being the way his brain is, he can’t continue to take money from others, obviously.

      As far as your other questions, yes, the intervention is different depending on the underlying cause. The only way to improve behavior is to address the specific reason why it’s happening.

      Penny
      ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

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