November 21, 2018 at 12:46 am #104131suchahotmessParticipant
So, I was watching this TED talk by Ryder Carroll, the creator of the bullet journal who has ADhD, because I’d kept one for the three years (albeit on and off as I went on one of my disorganised tangents every time something happened and lost control of my life) and I got curious and decided to look up adult ADD, because I had been under the impression that it affects only children. Turns out I’m a textbook case – too many thoughts at the same time, distracted by low priority activities and events, difficulty paying attention and focusing, zoning out, overlooking basic details, struggling to complete basic tasks, I’d go blank when people spoke to me in ordinary social situations, get bored quickly and constantly look for more stimulating activities, and damn…the hyperfocus.. I thought I was just good at the whole tunnel vision thing.
I don’t plan to get myself diagnosed, because I live in India and we’re still coming around mental health issues, also we tend to be suspicious of bogus psychological conditions that, we assume, doctors just want to make money off of. Alzheimers, schizophrenia etc. yes, serious mental health issues but the rest, including postpartum depression, is not taken that seriously. Also being middle class with the constant expectation to perform perfectly, it won’t go down well with family. With my kid however, I plan to have him diagnosed because parents are beginning to take that sort of thing seriously.
Also looking back on my life, I seemed to have managed to get certain aspects of it under control. It’s also a big relief to have realised that well, I wasn’t weak minded or it wasn’t just a part of my personality, that some aspects of it were beyond my control, why I had such a terrible social life before I learned to fake social interaction, that the causes were mostly environmental, that oh…it just wasn’t my fault and I tried so damn hard to fit in. No wonder I’m not able to focus on my career, no wonder I try to do ten things at the same time and land up doing nothing, no wonder I can’t live up to this high-performance middle class notion of womanhood. The time for self blame and feelings of inadequacy is over.
I’ve read some of the stories here and I absolutely cannot express enough how sorry I am for all you dysfunctional adults struggling with this problem. I seem to be on the lower end of the spectrum, having been training and making a conscious effort to deal with my ‘faults’ all these years and seen some improvement. My husband expects hyper-efficiency and living with him has made me miserable, so after I showed him the ADD list two days ago, he was like, that ‘s you, definitely you. Instead of a yelling this morning I got a light tap on my shoulder, because I was so absorbed at the computer and failed to notice, as usual, that the kid was getting late for school. So I guess he’s trying to be considerate.
What I’m not thinking now is, where do I go from here? I’m doing a lot of reading and hopefully with some application I can take back control of my life.
Thanks for listening and good luck and prayers to everyone here.
November 21, 2018 at 10:35 am #104149Penny WilliamsKeymaster
Here are some next steps after ADHD diagnosis:
You can implement alternative treatments and lifestyle changes without an official diagnosis.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism
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