June 22, 2020 at 4:55 pm #176686
Hi everyone, I’m new here.
I’ve been scouring the internet looking for answers, and I found this place. I’m hoping someone here can help me out. To give a quick background on me: I’m 25, have ADHD, severe anxiety, and Borderline Personality Disorder. For the past 4 years, I’ve been seriously working towards recovery. I haven’t been able to function at all, so I hopped on disability and I’ve been trying different therapy techniques.
My biggest issue has been what I call “The Wall”.
Whenever I try to commit to anything, I hit that wall, and then I fall out of it. It doesn’t matter how important it is- if I’ve hit the wall, I can’t do it. It’s like I’m paralyzed or something, and it can take as long as several weeks before I can try anything again.
This issue has become so big that I can hardly even get started anymore. I guess I’ve just developed this “Well, what’s the point?” attitude about everything. Why try, if I can N E V E R stay committed and see it through?
I’ve tried all sorts of things. Setting goals, dividing it into smaller tasks, holding myself accountable, rewards, just getting started without motivation to build motivation, setting deadlines- nothing works. I get overwhelmed every single time, and I’m so frustrated.
The only thing I haven’t tried (that I’m aware of), is medication, and I DO NOT react well to medications. I’ve been on stuff for anxiety, depression, mood stabilizers, etc. and all of them ended horribly. They say meds for ADHD aren’t the same (I did some reading on them), but I’m still so scared to try them. I’ve been through the ringer so many times that I simply don’t trust them anymore.
Anyway, I guess I’m looking for hope. I feel like this will never get better. The idea of committing to anything terrifies me now. I have so many hopes and dreams, but I can’t even keep up with the chores in my house, never mind a job, or school.
I feel utterly trapped, and I’m scared.
Thanks for reading, guys. I appreciate it.
June 23, 2020 at 1:16 pm #176977
Here’s a great primer on ADHD medications — I find understanding them helps with the decision.
Brendan Mahan’s “Wall of Awful” popped into my head too.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach, Podcaster & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism
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