November 30, 2018 at 12:40 pm #104708
I need some advice about my 7yr old son. He is brilliant, and I know that is rich coming from his mother, but truly he is gifted and curious and well-spoken as well as social and sensitive. He excels academically and even has charisma, so some people don’t know what I am worried about. He is my oldest, so sometimes I wonder if I worry too much, but I just got an add diagnosis and he is so much like me.
He can barely get himself dressed because he gets so distracted.
I wI’ll ask what he wants for breakfast and he will respond with something like, “Do you think an earthquake could have killed the dinosaurs?” Or “How did Harry kill Voldemort if he was just a baby?” Or “If we sold 10 toys for 10 dollars each, we would make $100!
He is constantly tardy to school because he is so slow moving. We live ONE BLOCK away from school and it takes him so long to get there. I once saw him just standing on the sidewalk staring at a pinetree and other people are always commenting on how slowly he walks to school.
He has a lot of anxiety surrounding school, so I don’t know if he is just slow on purpose because he doesn’t want to go. I also don’t know if he is just anxious or has add.
He is constantly asking questions about every detail of something he is interested in in an excessive way.
He won’t do simple tasks like put a seatbelt on or close the door without being prompted.
He is always saying, “I forgot”
He can rarely do more than 1 step tasks
He has BIG emotions and is so fearful of conflict that he avoids his friends who are sisters because they put him in the middle and fight with each other.
He was ridiculous on the soccer field. One time totally focused and gets a goal, the rest of the timedancing, talking to people on and off the field, messing with his jersey.
Boy thing or add? I keep going back and forth because I don’t want to put him on meds if I am not sure. The doctors said he meets the criteria, but it nags at me because maybe I am just worrying too much. Maybe he is a normal 7yr old boy.
Then again I don’t want him to go untreated either because it is beginning to affect his self esteem. He says things like, “I can’t do anything right. I am so stupid.” And after getting diagnosed myself at 30, I grieved the time I didn’t know I had it and how not knowing has affected my own life.
November 30, 2018 at 1:12 pm #104712
Definitely sounds like adhd. Hyperfixation, forgetfulness, getting distracted, and issues with multi-step problems all point to adhd. If the doctors think he has it, then you should probably seek treatment. If you’re still not sure, maybe you can get a referral to a specialist. If it’s affecting his self esteem and causing him to be anxious about school, you definitely should address the problem.
November 30, 2018 at 8:40 pm #104762
This is a really tricky predicament. On one hand your son sounds like a typical 7 year old (I worked in a classroom with 30 of them and saw all the behaviours you described on a daily basis). But on the other hand, you would like to think that if he does have ADD you could set up support for him as quickly as possible.
I will say that developmentally, seven is an age where children become more self-aware, compare themselves to others, care about fitting into and forming groups, and judge their peers as well as being judged by their peers. So his anxiety could be a part of normal development. Only you will know if he is constantly anxious or whether it is something that has developed more recently.
As for his friends – God help the person that comes between two quarrelling sisters! Perhaps try to encourage 1-to-1 friendships for a while rather than groups of friends, so things are not so overwhelming for him.
Try to find out what it is he thinks he is failing at? As an academically gifted child, could it be that he has been teased about this at school? Perhaps he is being held to a higher standard than others, because he is so bright? He may be advanced cognitively, but please consider whether his social, emotional, physical and language skills are developing well too? These are just a few of the many things I would try to eliminate before I concluded that he had ADD. Surely his school will have observed him and will be aware if something seems to be holding him back, so I would book an appointment to talk to his teacher about your concerns.
Perhaps we ask too much of our little ones? In the grand scheme of things they are really still babies at 7.
Please don’t take offence to what I have said or think that I am trying to dismiss your concerns. You are clearly an attentive parent with your child’s wellbeing at heart. You know your child best and if you have a gut feeling that something isn’t right, then you should probably act on it. Hope this helps. x
December 1, 2018 at 4:36 pm #104772
Thanks so much for the responses! Wonderful information and advice.
I have been in communication with his teachers and he visits the school counselor once per week for anxiety coping tools. His classroom teacher did not seem concerned about him but when she filled out an adhd Inventory, his score was high enough for an inattentive diagnosis. Same thing with his Kindergarten teacher. No concerns, just praise, but then High inattentive Inventory scores.
His first grade teacher said she sees his “wheels turning” about a topic long after they have moved on from it and he is constantly making connections with new information. I thought that was a lovely euphemism describing his tendency to obsess over what interests him. She also said that one time he was last in line in an exercise where every child did the same thing. When it was his turn, he had no idea what to do.
I guess that’s why I am so unsure. It keeps going like that! No real concerns from others, so I feel like I am crazy thinking something is going on. His preschool teacher is the only one who ever shared my concerns as he could rarely finish his classroom responsibilities. He would head over to do them and get caught up with something else. He also sometimes talks very loudly, making his peers cover their ears.
I think getting a second/expert opinion is a great idea. Really appreciate the input! And you are so right about quarreling sisters! Lol
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