I’m new

This topic contains 12 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by  camille1 1 day, 15 hours ago.

  • Author
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  • #89954

    wyandz
    Participant

    Hi- I’m brand new. I was diagnosed in high school. I’m a 40 year mom and teacher. My hisband is working across country for 4 months. I’m slowly drowning. My house is a wreck, my washer/dryer are about to break and my garage (where they live) is a disaster.

    I really need a gentle and kind helper to help me get things back on track. How do I find a good one? I’m too embarrassed ask for recommendations from friends.

    Help! 😣😣😣

  • #89971

    JBoom
    Participant

    Have you talked with a doctor? That should come first.

    If so, keep reading online resources like this site. Look up “ADHD coach” if you have the ability to pay for such a thing.

  • #90071

    wyandz
    Participant

    Thanks for your response! Why would I see a doctor?

    I’ll look into ADHD coaches.

    • #90092

      JBoom
      Participant

      Being on this site, my assumption is that you suffer from, or think you might suffer from, ADHD. The first-line treatment for ADHD comes from a doctor.

  • #90117

    ADHDmomma
    Keymaster

    You could hire an ADHD coach, or an organizing professional to help you get back on track.

    The ADHD Coach: A Personal Trainer For Your Brain

    Then, create a schedule and routines for everything possible. For example, Saturday at 9 am is laundry. Wednesdays and Fridays at 7 pm you tidy up one area. Etc…

    Free Resource: Get Control of Your Life and Schedule

    Penny
    ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

  • #90142

    p_ehrenberg
    Participant

    My name is Paul. I am 68 and recently retired. I have 2 college degrees, in Marketing and Computer Programming. I am also a Vietnam Veteran, having spent 4 years in he Air Force. I struggled in high school and my first 2 years of college. I felt something was wrong but not knowing what. I was bullied in high school and nobody did anything to help me. I found myself making impulsive decisions and not following through on things I started. I picked the wrong college at first and tried to get involved in 2 many activities without concentrating on studies. When I was in the Air Force and stationed in Thailand, I impulsively got a girl friend and ended up getting ripped off , even though I had been warned. After graduating from college, I moved to L.A. where my parents lived. I had no idea what I wanted to do and ended up taking different jobs very impulsively without thinking. I finally decided to go into programming, which turned out to be a terrible idea. I was in and out of jobs for 10 years I finally had to file for bankruptcy and lost my house in 1992. I was hospitalized at the V.A. hospital for 2 months before being diagnosed with ADD. I have been married for almost 40 years and have a wonderful son who is very succesfull. My wife and my son have stood behind me all this time to help me. My life has been full of problems and I get constant flashbacks about my problems. Sorry to ramble but I hope someone out there is listening and can relate.

  • #90435

    Karen Guthrie
    Participant

    Asking for help is a brilliant idea. Whether it is from friends or family people are usually much nicer and more willing to help than we expect. The ADHD coach might also be cool too if you can afford it. Everyone needs help from time to time. It is ok. As the Beatles said “I get by with a little help from my friends”. Good luck!

  • #90469

    peacefultree
    Participant

    Deciding what is a priority and working on small goals tackling one at a time slowly can get things under control.

  • #90510

    Jules2
    Participant

    i can relate.
    Peacefultree is right.
    When i read the article, “Secrets of Your ADHD Brain” by William Dodson, I thought, Oh my goodness! There are others that go thru this!
    Take heart.
    Personally I find it helps for me to read something that encourages me – whatever is most on my mind. then i pick something from what i read to put into practice for today. try or fail, i have to love myself and be able to laugh at my mistakes (i know, when it comes to losing people and getting into debt, thats a little hard). lately it has been the articles on this site that help me realize there is hope. and being out of work again i have been studying Millionaire Mentor stories and trying to put into practice the things they do so i can think like a successful person.
    My friend suffers from flashbacks and i suffer from trauma. we have found a good doctor who does eye movement therapy to help the brain re-process the past properly.It seems to help.
    i have always practiced being nice to myself.
    i know im not writing in complete sentences today, but i hope something here helps you.
    J.

  • #90558

    p_ehrenberg
    Participant

    How do I get past my past problems. I get flashbacks about mistakes I have made in the past and people I had problems with.

  • #90567

    Karen Guthrie
    Participant

    I try to distract myself if my mind goes there.

  • #90398

    jeffreyguard
    Participant

    Hi Wyandz,
    Hang in there, I can definitely empathize. When I feel like that here are some things I do to that can really help stabilize the situation:
    1) Start by imagining how AMAZING it will feel to have a clean, organized home.
    2) Make a list of everything that needs to be done. Do not censor or edit, just write it all down.
    3) Scan the room for things you can do quickly do that will give you an immediate sense of accomplishment: bag and toss some trash, do a fast sweep, picking up all the dirty laundry off the floor, making the bed quickly, put everything in its place in the living room. Listen to some music if that gets you going!
    4) For the bigger stuff, prioritize and break it down to steps that you know you can accomplish in 15 minutes or less.
    5) ALWAYS REMEMBER that as ADHDers, we’re super-feelers, so it matters how we speak to ourselves. It’s soooooo important to re-direct the self-talk into the positive. Tell yourself how proud you are for caring about your home and that bit by bit you are organizing it. Congratulate yourself when you accomplish something no matter how small, put a check mark on all the things you have done, constantly refer to that list as proof that you are doing your best, RESIST the temptation of negative self-talk.
    6) Once you’ve finished re-setting the house, gently remind yourself of how good it feels to have a clean, organized home and constantly tell yourself the importance of tidying-up-as-you-go when you’re about to leave a room. Say it so often until it becomes automated. You will save yourself a great deal of time by learning to clean as you go.

    I Hope This Helps!

  • #91418

    camille1
    Participant

    Having 1 less adult in the house is hard for anyone, let alone someone with ADHD!

    First thing- go back to treat your ADHD with a Doc familiar with the diagnosis. I was floored when a friend who’s a radiologist (her husband is an anesthesiologist) said “There are subsets of ADHD??”. So many people don’t know the difference & treat it all the same. Skip those folks & your GP too if he/she has no knowledge of it. The rest will be more painful if you don’t start there. I was in your shoes. It nearly set me over the edge. Fast forward 5 years and I know can almost push the work load of my team of 5 assistance (at work) completely by myself with one more child and a vacation rental to manage to boot!

    Please never feel bad asking for help. If this was your “out of house job” you’d have to delegate. Home is no different. Don’t forget to utilize your kids to help. I’ve found GREAT nannies on care.com, craigslist (found one we had for 12 yrs!) & other places. Absolutely call friends for mother’s helpers. Frequently other moms are the best with sharing this info- “so & so is looking for a new family”, “we don’t need ours as much and want to help her find her next family…”, “had a terrible experience with X…”

    Don’t beat yourself up. You can do it, but make a list and commit. It can be as simple as a pad/paper, your iPhone Notes or Reminders apps, Any.do, Trello, etc. There are great tools out there to help. You can do it! If a school trusts you to teach kids all day long (teachers are my heros!!!), you can pull it together at home too!! 😉

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