Im ADHD and in need of romance and affection from my wife

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    • #56821
      Kurt Wiid

      I know most of the time its us ADHD people who make our spouse feel unloved..but for me it feels like the roles are reversed. I feel like I need constant affection and romance from her.I have been on concerta virtually my entire life so Im on my treatment and most of my adhd is under control but i cant shake this longing for her to initiate a kiss or romantic moment or just be romantic. Is this the adhd? Is there someone else thats been through this..any comments or advice will help

    • #56933

      Hey Kurt, I’d like to answer some of your questions:

      Yes, ADHD can cause this kind of behavior, and while I haven’t been through the struggles that come with ADHD, it isn’t uncommon for people with ADHD to have similar problems.
      There are various treatments that could help you in your case, some work better than others, but personally I recommend CBD oil (Cannabidiol Oil) which is known for its healing properties regarding both mental and physical ailments. It is completely legal in the US, and from my own experience it has really helped me combat my anxiety. Here’s a real list of things it can treat:

      Acne, ADD & ADHD, Addiction, AIDS/HIV, ALS, Alzheimer’s, Anorexia, Antibiotic resistance, Anxiety, Atherosclerosis, Arthritis, Autism, Aspergers, Bipolar, Cancer, Chronic pain, Digestive issues, Depression, Diabetes, Endocrine disorders, Epilepsy & seizures, Fibromyalgia, Glaucoma, Heart disease, Huntington’s disease, Inflammation, Irritable, Bowel Syndrome, Kidney Disease, Liver Disease, Metabolic Syndrome, Migraines, Mood disorders, Motion sickness, Nausea, Neurodegeneration, Obesity, OCD, Osteoporosis, Parkinson’s, Prion/Mad Cow disease, PTSD, Rheumatism, Schizophrenia, Sickle Cell Anemia, Skin conditions, Sleep disorders, Spinal cord injury, Stress, Stroke & TBI.

      I won’t go on, but you get the point.
      CBDs are a component in cannabis that, unlike its counterpart, THC, don’t make you high. Instead, CBDs are recognized for their intensive healing properties and stimulation of the endocannabinoid system in our bodies (look it up).

    • #57079

      In a word yes. Many of us constantly crave attention and feeling cherished while at the same time missing the social cues that we have not provided that same feeling to our spouse. I am a survivor of three divorces and in at least two, that was the reason. My lack of romantic thoughtful attention to my wifes needs. The other one, my first marriage of 30 years I left for the same reason. After the initial whirlwind courting has run its course the fall off in my attention was dramatic. The reaction of my wife resembled the action of Ivana when the Donad attempted to take her hand when they were exiting the plane. She slapped it away.

      For an example watch how the Donald treats Ivana when they arrived for the ceremony in Washington. He leaps out of the limosine and rushes inside to greet the people waiting. He seems to be oblivious to ivana exiting on the other side of the limo as he rushes ahead leaving her in his wake. One of the many reasons some feel he is ADHD.

      • This reply was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by donsense.
    • #57188

      I feel your pain!

      I know I’m a mess and I’m trying to get better. I wish I knew if there was something I could do to make her want me. She never really has desired me in that way so I don’t know if it’s because of how I am or if it’s something else. No matter how calmly I try to broach the topic it always turns into an argument so I’ve given up. Things were like this before we got married but I love everything else about her so I just assumed things in this area would change but more than 10 years later, nothing’s changed. Needless to say, I oscillate between feeling like a piece of sh** because I assume this is all my fault and being mad at her because we can’t talk about it.

    • #58602

      Woo, don’t grope. Attention, not impulse.

      If the context of your sexual attentions is that she’s cooking dinner or trying to tell you something, you’re being disrespectful, you’re cheapening your relationship, and you’re treating her like your sex doll. Her reactions to you will reflect the fact that your actions are selfish and self-gratifying. She will find those same attentions less attractive even in a more appropriate setting because you’ve cheapened them by your behavior.

      Give her meaningful attention. Welcome her with a kiss rather than grope her when she ties her shoes. Offer to rub her back as she’s telling you about her hard day (and kiss her, too, but not in a you-better-put-out-now way) and ask her for a rub or cuddle later that night. Don’t stay up until the last instant and fall exhausted into bed–if you want intimacy, make appropriate time for it that doesn’t leave either of you sleep deprived. Even if you have to schedule it!

      You’re married. She’s yours. But you’re hers, so treat her with the respect for context that you would want. Don’t treat her like a breathing sex toy. Impulsiveness is the brother of selfishness.

      The Five Love Languages help a lot of people.

    • #58891

      Have you ever asked her what love means to her? How she needs to feel loved? What she needs from you, to feel loved? If you have never felt that from her, there is probably a deep-rooted reason why. She may love you deeply, but she may not know how to show you. This may be her blueprint for what love looks like, due to her upbringing or past experiences. Love might even equal pain to her in her mind, that physically giving/showing love scares her to death. We all want to feel connection and love with our partners, but we want it on our terms. When somebody doesn’t give it to us on our terms, it becomes a problem and we put up walls to keep from being hurt. Communication is crucial, and that can be so difficult for an ADHDer. It can be difficult for their partner as well who feels neglected and as though their attempts at communication were never validated. Maybe your wife has communication problems as well. IF discussing this openly is too difficult, write it down. For years, the only way that I could get my husband to hear me, was to write him letters telling him how I felt, and then it opened the door for discussion.

    • #62245

      Holeeee cow, I totally get this!! My partner is my polar opposite. Where I’m messy she’s tidy. She really sees it as a personal affront if the house is cluttered when she gets home from work (I am a part time musician and stay home parent). To the point where she gets wound up and starts yelling depending on different circumstances. However, it pisses me off because she doesn’t see that it took me 90 mins to clean the floors (big house) and mop…do laundry and empty and reload dishwasher…but oh no if the toys are messy or there’s clutter around, she makes me feel like a complete failure. Since I’ve been on medication, I get a lot more done, but I also feel stronger in my resolve that I can’t do it all. Clutter removal will not change to world or make me a better parent or partner…and I argue against doing it. I do try to do it but it’s like a whole other language. no comprende. I thought this weekend we would get closer…and she’s in bed crying her eyes out because I don’t see this issue as such a priority as she does. to answer preppychicks2004, well, if love is an uncluttered house, we’re in trouble.

    • #62256

      Relationships might as well be a foreign language to me. Some of the best advice i have seen has come from three of many books I have read recently
      “Is it you me or ADHD” By Gena Pera forward by Dr Barkley. available at Amazon Kindle Apple & Google Books
      “Mindfulness for Dummies” By Shamash Alidina also at Amazon etc “”. ”
      “The ADHD effect on Marriage” By Melissa Orlov also at Amazon etc “”. “

      • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by donsense.
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