I too am bored and feel the futility of effort

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  • This topic has 6 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 5 months ago by pax.
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    • #193978
      pax
      Participant

      It has now become clear to me that people do not really care about you. About me. For me, this ADHD diagnosis is possibly the most significant event in my life. If my life was the only story out there, this would be monumental. But, I’m not, and people do not care. For me, this perplexity in relation to my capabilities being so limited, has been a daily, if not hourly source of pain. Every task at work and every relationship I have or have had, and all the personal plans I could not, CAN NOT, bring to pass has been a source of consternation, self-loathing, anxiety and ultimately, depression. But not so for anyone you tell. It is my experience that people cannot stop talking to you about it soon enough. I’m very tired of it all. I am bored with my day to day. I have always hoped I would find some explanation that might afford me not only answers but solutions. But all I feel, with this diagnosis, is more hopeless than ever. I now see that I could not really have done better than I have. If I had been diagnosed sooner, who knows? So now, somehow, I have to learn to accept that I will never achieve the things I dreamed of. I will never create and record any music of value, I will never write the books I have wanted to write. I will never complete advanced studies and change careers. I am STUCK in this specific job, or else, I have to take a pay cut for other jobs, but of course my financial situation says I CANNOT earn less. In fact, I feel so incapable of working in complex areas, or achieving personal goals, or developing friendships or romantic relationships that I do not see the point in trying or in even talking about it. Nothing makes any difference. Nothing has ever made any difference. Nothing will make any difference. They say medication helps, but I doubt that it helps much, if at all. Then what, every six months you have to convince some psychiatrist you have ADHD for a script? Sounds really painful. I might pass!

    • #194196
      Penny Williams
      Keymaster

      I am so sorry you’re struggling! It’s really important to work through these feelings so you can get to the other side. It could be really beneficial to work with a therapist.

      Also, medication is a huge help to many adults with ADHD. Truly. Talk to your clinician about trying it. If it doesn’t help, you can always stop taking it.

      Silence Your Harshest Critic — Yourself

      Coping With the Stigma of ADHD

      Penny
      ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach, Podcaster & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #194361
      pax
      Participant

      Thanks Penny. The links are good reads. I want to try medication, but my psychiatrist just won’t send a script to the pharmacist. He says he is, but just never does. It’s like he has ADHD.

      So I am looking for another psychiatrist.

      I mean, just finding a psychiatrist you can afford, let alone actually see in a timely manner is near on impossible in Australia. Certainly in regional Australia.

      I have spoken to so many counsellors, psychologists and psychiatrists over the years. Not one has ever suggested ADHD until this last one. It was his first suggestion. And I agree with it. No issue with that.

      Anyway. Thanks.

    • #194835
      p2vulco
      Participant

      Forgive me for asking but do you have a history of depressive episodes?

      …it would be best talking through this with gp but I’n the meantime check out a book called stand up tall with your shoulders back by Jordan Peterson. He also has plenty of videos on YouTube. It helped empower me to make a change and view things differently. Also, make sure you peruse the ADHD diagnoses – leave reminders and set a timeframe to make progress otherwise you’ll be asking yourself the same questions next week, next month, next year..

      Take care,

    • #195259
      Weeter
      Participant

      You’ve expressed the same thoughts, feelings, problems and situations that I have experienced so much more susinctly than I ever have. Besides that, I could have wrote your post word for word. I’m not trying to one up you, but I have to say this to someone that has a chance at understanding and/or sympathizing, I also have OCD-Perfectionism and have been with a man-child for 13 years who has a wicked case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. About 2 years ago he stole and deposited into a secret bank account the last of my $250,000 inheritance, all the while living off me and living in the house that my dad, who passed away in 2005, built. I’m sorry, this has turned into a rant about the man-child, I don’t know if he or my mental illnesses have caused the most damage to my life and psyche.
      If you’ve read this far, thank you. Recently when I came to the man-child and said that I am at my wits end and feel on the verge of wanting to die, he did not even acknowledge my prescence in the room let alone my cry for help. He just continued playing on his phone, as if I wasn’t even there.
      Ok, I’ll stop! Thank you for “listening” and I empathize with you to no end, unfortunately.

    • #195433
      pax
      Participant

      Hi p2vulco. Yes, I suffer social and general anxiety and clinical depression. I am currently trying meds for depression. My post was triggered by a very bad experience with my diagnosing psychiatrist and also by people I have spoken with about my diagnosis.

      I have booked with another psychiatrist but won’t see him till May. So I feel like I’m in a holding pattern.

    • #195434
      pax
      Participant

      Hi Weeter. That sounds terrible. I don’t know what to say. I really hope you find some way past it.

      I don’t trust my capacity to select a romantic party who is genuine and will accept me for who I am. So I have entirely exited that arena. I worries me for when I am old and frail. But probably worth it for everything else.

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