I thought I’d grown out of it

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      Persephone
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      Hello everyone,

      This is my first post. I live in the States, I’m 50 years old. I was diagnosed way back in 1977, at age 9. My poor grandparents were at their wits end, what with my running back and forth for hours on end. My grandmother brought up ADHD with my pediatrician and I was put on Ritalin. It worked like a charm for academics, I think I slowed down just a little too. But, that was how it was done back then. “Hey doc, I think my kid has X.” The treatment was given a trial and if it worked, you did indeed have X. I stayed on the Ritalin for 3 years and then I stopped. I think I just didn’t want to take it anymore. And my family allowed me to make that choice.

      Fast forward~ I did well in college. I don’t recall having any difficulty. I did well, or so I thought, un-medicated. I do remember feeling tense, all the time. I was able to work. But, I developed an addiction to Opiates that lasted 22 years. In hindsight, my doctors thought I had depression, maybe I did. But, I’m wondering if I was always just self-medicating the ADHD that I thought I’d grown out of. The antidepressants worked. But, were they working for the depression or the ADHD, or both?

      Anyway, fast forward again~I’m clean and sober now almost 6 years. Life has improved a lot. There’s just this one problem that I attributed to aging and intolerance for stupid individuals. If someone is aggravating me, I tell them to beat it. I have ceased to mince words. When the Jehovah’s Witnesses come to my door, I beat on the window and point, indicating for them to get off my land. I don’t hate them or the fact that they believe what they believe, I just don’t think that people I do not know should be knocking on my door. If someone distracts me, I tell them to get lost too. Obviously, I’m not winning any popularity contests at work, which is really fine because that means one less person I have to run off. I get in trouble for it and referred for Neurocognitive testing and THERE IT IS: ADHD.

      I had a long period where I was not employed because of addiction. I just thought I’d grown rusty socially, kinda feral. I have no other neurological indicators. I have a great memory, great processing speed. But, my attention over time is not good. I’m starting to wonder if I have Autism. I don’t like to be touched. I hate proximity. I have a huge personal space and I want everyone to stay out of it. Or, is this just the best I can do right now at attempting to decrease my stimuli? I am discouraged and feeling like all the positivity I gained through ‘recovery’ from drugs and alcohol is slowly leaving me and the realization that ADHD is back (or never left) is a bit scary.

      Just venting…

      • This topic was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by Persephone. Reason: punctuation
      • This topic was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by Penny Williams.
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