I think I got something call ADHD!!!

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    • #70842
      jeyjamal55
      Participant

      I have ADHD, and im 22 years old , I have suffered it in high school, but I was clever enough to maintain C or C+ grade, Teachers and other students used to call me like Im natural clever but a lazy person. I have never studied in class, never paid attention to anything, I remember the teacher getting in the class and the next thing I realise the lesson is over. 

      I really laugh to people when they say” I can’t even concentrate on ten minutes!” Bit*h I can’t even concentrate 5 seconds  on anything! 

      I walk, talk  and  do stuff  completely unaware of myself,  either a thousand different  thoughts in my mind or daydreaming; but somehow I have managed to hide it from other people, I have learned and become experts in doing my daily routines completely unaware of myself,  sometimes I may mess up things , but then I always come up a very creative way to solve  the issue.  

      On my school days, the only time I read or revise anything was one hour before the exam, I didn’t had any text book or even a note book (somehow I have managed to avoid the teachers – talk about a creative way to solve a problem )  so I borrow from other students and try to read and understand all the key points within an hour.

      And then I sit on the exam full of confidence  with less than an hour preparation. 

      And I look all the questions and try to understand wtf they are asking me.

      I use my common sense and my common knowledge to answer all the questions,  but I will make sure, no single question left un-attempted or blank.

      Most of the questions I may answere partially and some few I may got all wrong while very few questions I may get all the points required; but that was enough for me to retain my overall {C } grade or sometimes C+  .

      The funny part was, sometimes I used to answer a question that the entire class 

      Failed to answer.

      That was high School  life, and somehow I have managed it.

      I didn’t go to Uni or college for personal reasons but boy life after school is so difficult!

      there are alot of responsibilities including paying your own bills, maintaining jobs,  maintaining relationships, and etc.

      Now is the time my ADHD symptoms is worsen,  but still I have managed to hide it from other people.

      Even though to some people I’m lazy, to some I’m a confused person, to some I’m a planless fella, to some I’m a crazy person, to some I’m depressed  and to some I’m the smart one!

      I have quited many jobs due to lack of paying atension and following simple instructions: I remember  nodding my head while a supervisor was giving me some instructions pretending that  I  understood  whatever we talked about and yelling “alright mate!” And I have no Idea what we have just talked about! So I have to figure it out what to do and how to do! Once again I have to use my common sense.

      For  me I really don’t struggle to get a job, but to maintain it! I have no idea how to do that.

      I have some confidence and I know how to sell myself,  and if  I got an interview I know exactly what kind of person they really  want to hire, it doesn’t matter if I’m that person or not, but I will make sure to pretend that I’m the person they really need it.

      Now let me share with you One of the funny and sad true story that happen to me:

      They called me for an interview,  and I have did what I used to do, they almost give me the job and the interviewer was very happy to met with me, I even did some induction and tell me to come on next week for other remaining inductions,  but unfortunately when I was getting out of their building I hit the head on the door! I couldn’t even see the fu*kin door! because I wasn’t present. The million thoughts in my head that I was trying to hide probably escaped from the cage and violently attacked me with a bit of fantasy dreaming and thousands of thoughts including “since I got the job, should I rent a house next to the work or nah!” “oh last night my team won the match” , “Irish man I’m the captain now” , “blahblah blah” “I may be the supervisor of this company,  or even the manager! Who knows,” “oh bitcoins” “haha damn crptoooooo-currencies”” “JQuery  is a sh*t “, “mmm mindfulness,  meditation,  close your eyes breath,,,” “who tf gonna study PHP anyway,, ” “blah blahbhhj hhhj “and  thousands other meaningless thoughts all within one second. 

      The next thing I realize the receptionist staring at me “are you alright,  you didn’t see the door! Are you hurt” the interviewer  and others got out of their office all staring at me! at that moment I have no Idea what to do and what to respond ,then  I have popped out my eyes trying to find some strength and confidence and replied “I tipped over and hit the door on my head ” and then the interviewer curiously asked “was the floor wet? ”  and one of the office cleaners quickly replied “NOOO, no! no!”  and then I was like “I’m afraid I was  walking quickly!” Just to finish this conversation, and immediately open the door walking awkwardly towards my car!

      Two days later, I have received a message that telling me, they got too many workers who are doing induction on next week , so I have to wait a call from them  before I go to the office!

      In another straight words “you loose the job”

      So what went wrong? Clearly I have managed the interview but the truth was, I couldn’t even see the door, due to my luck of focus and inability to pay attention to my surroundings on a such crucial time.

      So Am I  …..  a lazy person?

      Another one….

      One day I got a job, and the payment was actually good.  but  I was new to that city and I have to drive almost an hour to the work! my shifts was starting around  4 in the morning. So I have to wake up around 2am .

      For whatever reason I was late on my first day, then the second day. So the management call me and tell me, if I want to continue the job I must be on time always. So I give them my word that I would always be on time. 

      It was true and it was not like those jobs that you can attend late ! If one worker is even late on one minute; the entire process will stop, they have to find a substitute to his position.

      So on the 3rd day I wake-up early and  prepared myself to go and get the job done, as usual I was using the map from Home to work  since I was new to that city,  I was actually  only less than a week in that city, 

      So I set my Home address and work address on Google maps,  and I told google “navigate to work ” as usual the maps open and showed me all the way to the work,  the next thing I have realised after two hours of driving, Google is telling me  “You have arrived home!!!!!!!!!” 

      I have no idea what happened,  I haven’t panicked I switched off the phone ,  and throw myself to the bed, after six hours of sleep I wake-up but yet couldn’t figure out what happened. 

      After a lot of research I have realised I did a U-turn from a street near the work , and probably I have taped  my phone accidentally switching in between addresses thus “my Home address” became my destination!!!!

      For some of you, you may even wondering why am I driving a car , trust me I’m a better driver than most of the people, I have never been to any accident,  minor or major! 

      I opey the rules completely while I’m unaware, I stop at the red light while I have no idea what I’m doing, I drive with the flaw and I never speed beyond the limit.

      But stil Not in the present!

      I got many sad and funny story to tell , but most of all I have never been to a psychiatric  or any mental health facilities.

      I’m almost 23 years old and I have never seeked any help. 

      I always tried to figure out whats going on in my mind, try to understand myself, and when I was kid I always wondered, what’s going on in the minds of other people, is everyone same? Is everyone different from each other? Or am I different from everyone!

      Believe it or not I have never heard the name  ADHD  before this year! 

      I’m originally from a place where people are categorized into two ~Sane or insane person! There’s no in between! You either be a mad person or not !  And the mad person is chained into a tree so that they won’t harm others, – so I never wanted to be crazy!-   Anyway I couldn’t afford to be crazy !

      Now I live in one of the developed countries
      And still I’m doing sort of self discovery as I’m trying to fit in the society, I came across too many strange names of type  of mental illness  disorders ! Depression, anxiety and many others that I can’t even pronounce their name correctly. But all their symptoms nothing that I have experienced.

      Sometimes I’m depressed but not all the time. Infact I can’t even concentrate on the state of depression! I would end up thinking of thousands other things! I will start daydreaming about a better future,  while I’m just laying on my bed! I can’t be on any state in one single minutes except the state of thousands thoughts in my mind.

      Anxiety –  yep I feel sometimes especially when I’m down and ashamed of my inability to focus, when I have not achieved what im suppose to achieve, sometimes I may look like shy but I’m only preoccupied by my thoughts and I may try to avoid others due to that.

      And many other disorders that I have no relationship with.

      Then  around 6months ago or so I came across to this ADHD thing!  And I couldn’t believe it,  the entire symptoms just speak about me ! I have never seen something that is so perferfectly explaining about me.

      But then I have realised that it doesn’t have cure, and I have gave up!

      I don’t wanna be on medication on my entire life!

      I tried meditation,,,,,, puhfsss ,,, thats a joke, less than a minute into  it, there’s my mind wondering about how to teach people on how to meditate,,,,, “mmmmmm stop you lil devil I’m  meditating,,  ” within a split of second again, something else ,,,,,do push ups,,,,,,, then many other thoughts join….

      Nope! Nope! Nope!    This aint for me, 

      throw myself to the bed,  started checking instagram,  YouTube and etc…

      Alright mate whate was I talking about?

      Below are my top excuse why I have not visited a doctor.

      •Yep everytime I think about going to a doctor,  I Procrastinate,  and I also worry about response of the doctor,  because not a lot of people believe that there is a such thing as  Adult ADHD !

      •And I’m not sure also even if I took medication how it would help me since im not studying at the moment.(I have tried self studying online programs for web development and similar courses) but it didn’t work due to the lack of concentration and poor time management.

      •Mental illness is a disability that I don’t wanna associate with; because I think it would limit my ability to get some jobs, most of the jobs require someone who is mentally and physically fit!

      •I’m afraid to lose my creativity and myself, I don’t wanna be a robot, I saw some few people on medication and they were like people without any sort of feelings! Like no stress no happiness no interactions with other people (I’m not sure what sort of medication they were on)

      NB: English is not my first language and I’m still learning so there maybe few grammatical errors.

    • #70843
      liasamturn
      Participant

      I really feel for you – it’s taken me hours to reply to this because I keep getting distracted by the dog/a desperate need to research bitcoin/going into rooms forgetting what my purpose was 😂

      Your early life….at school etc…mirrors mine completely; I did surprisingly well considering I skived almost everything and crammed revision 2 days before my exams. It was never noticed by teacher, or myself, even, that I might have adhd because the inattentive type is so often overshadowed by the hyperactive type. I can understand why – someone who seems a bit dopey but isn’t failing isn’t as much of a concern when compared to hyperactive adhd kids who are flunking everything and can’t bear to sit still without an anger outburst every half hour. Inattentive adhd has only really been taken seriously in the UK in the last 5 years or so (not sure where you’re living – America is usually 15 years ahead of the UK in health and medication, so could be different for you).

      One thing I will say….and I know a few people who successfully manage their symptoms without medication, so it’s very much individual choice….is that stimulant medication, the primary drug used to treat adhd, works on the impulse control and concentration receptors in the brain, so I’ve never heard of it having the negative creativity/personality dulling side effects you’re talking about. I get the lazy and unmotivated thing, too…you know when you feel like you’re in limbo between being awake and asleep?…and it immediately fixed that. The good thing about it is that it’s an instant medication, so you can try it once and it you hate it, you can stop immediately with no concern about withdrawal etc.

      I’d suggest you asked your doctor to be referred to a psychiatrist or someone experience in mental health – GPs (here at least) haven’t quite caught up with mental health yet, so specialists have been and still are invaluable to me.

      Lots of luck to you my friend. Also, you’re English is PERFECT – I hear that it’s the hardest language to learn, so props to you!

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