I don’t fit in and I’m sick of blaming myself

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    • #109454

      Hi I’m a high school student and I was diagnosed in grade two. So I’m friends with people who aren’t in my grade so because of this all my friends have all their jokes and take about the things that happen in their class (which is understandable) but in my class I don’t have any friends. I feel really lonely a lot of the time and often blame my self (and I’m tired of that) I always over think when people don’t want to hang out, did i do something wrong, do they not like me anymore, would they be better off without me? I need help connecting with people my age, I try to be quirky and funny but people don’t understand then a close up and people don’t seem to like that either. I don’t fit in anywhere. How do I stop being so lonely?

      • This topic was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by erinblueberry.
    • #109458

      Hi! I completely understand that. During my four years in highschool I wasn’t able to make any friends. I had friends outside od school but that doesn’t help when you can’t connect and fit in with your peers.

      I tried same things. Being funny, quirky, trying to relate on any level but nothing really helps. I was somewhat able to talk to couple of kids and some of them liked me I think but it never went pass the initial stage.

      People thought I was challenged (which in retrospect I somewhat was) I had big problems with teachers, principal and the whole school department. Was ona brink of expelsion couple of times. I was never problematic but because I had a strained relationship with everyone at school I didn’t attend that often and when I was there I wasn’t really there.

      I developed substance abuse that led to even worse time.

      The only thing I can say is that it’s not something you will have to endure for long. College on the other hand is a much better place. People around you have similar interests and the curriculum is far better.

      I was in trading high school that was awful by itself. I hated it and everything about it. Teachers write you of from the start, nothing challenges you. I spent more time at a highschool all my friends attended even though it was on the other side of our city.

      Loneliness is something i remember greatly about that period and I still stuggle with it looking back. A whole part of my life was ruined because of it. I guess it had it’s up sides but I don’t really see them that much.

      The only thing that I think can help byt I don’t know your school system is to try and switch schools.

      We had an art highschool and I think my biggest mistake is not trying to enroll there.

      I wish you best of luck.

    • #109464

      I know how you feel. No one else understands you so you feel like you have to prove something before they’ll even consider being friends. I too developed substance abuse issues because of this and I don’t want you to go down that path so my advice is to dive deep in team sports and after school clubs. You need to find an organized group with something that interests you. Maybe art club, chemistry club, track and field. You have control over the situation, it’s their loss if they don’t want to hang out. You’re awesome and you know it! Just find a good space that allows you to branch out and make friends with nice people. Know your worth and get involved. Don’t be afraid to be yourself, and don’t ever give up.

    • #109494

      Thank you so much. It means a lot knowing that other people have experienced the same thing. And I am forever grateful for your advice 😊

    • #112380

      I’m sure that the other people have already said something similar to what I’m going to say, but I just did a lot of math work and my brain hurts too much to read the other responses XP
      I’m a junior in high school, I got diagnosed in spring of last year, but I’ve always known I had ADHD even though I didn’t really know what it was ‘cuz my teachers kept saying I did.
      I know for a fact that so many people with ADHD, especially teens, have trouble with like no one likes them. It’s called RSD, rejection sensitive dysphoria. It makes us ADHD brained kids feel like every small “not now” or “sorry, i cant” means “i secretly hate you” or “i think youre weird”. It makes us extra sensitive to anything that mildly sounds like rejection, which is. So much fun. Plus, with ADHD brains being at a higher risk of having anxiety than non ADHD brains, it just makes us a whole mess of “everyone hates me”.
      I was just talking to my therapist about this this morning. She told me to think of the last time I remember a friend telling me I was weird/annoying. I couldn’t think of one. Then she asked when the last time I thought a friend was annoying was. I couldn’t think of one, again. She explained to me that we tend to be egocentric- we tend to think that the world pays more attention to us than it really does.
      Just remind yourself that only you pay that much attention to the things you’re worried will make you seem weird. You gotta give yourself an internal pep talk- that’s what my therapist said. Next time you feel like your friends don’t like you, just think “My friends don’t think I’m weird. My friends are still my friends. Only I noticed the weird thing I did.”
      It can be hard to make friends with people your age, also, because ADHD brains mature slower, and that’s just how it is. If you’re at a smaller school, you might not be able to make more friends than the ones you have because less people will be as goofy as you, but if you’re at a big one like mine (3,600+ kids enrolled) you will be able to find more friends somewhere, you just have to look.
      I hope that helped and also made any sense 🙂

    • #114024

      As a high school sophomore (but at a very small, kind school, so a bit different), another thing that helps me is to come up with arguments (beforehand, and maybe even write them down) of why xyz thing does not mean that your friends think something is weird. Then, when xyz happens, you can pull out your argument and be like, “oh, this is okay, I don’t need to waste my emotional energy on this”. Or, depending on how close you are with your friends, and whether the stress comes from not knowing whether or not you did something weird, you can ask them to tell you when you’re doing something weird, and then if they don’t say something, you can feel safe that you didn’t. I hope things go better!! There are many kind decent people in the world, and while they may be hard to find, it is possible! Maybe something here helped 🙂 I hope so!

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