August 18, 2019 at 12:32 pm #125443EternalOneParticipant
Hey all! This is my first post on this forum.
First, let me start off by saying that I am not 100% sure that I have AD(H)D. I do know that I share the vast majority of the symptoms linked to ADHD, and people still call me an idiot for thinking so. Now, I’m going to write a brick wall text, but please be kind and read the whole text, it’d mean everything to me! 🙂
I got fired today at my job. It was my second day today. To be honest, I was quite happy that I got the job because I just couldn’t stand myself being home all day long and doing nothing but eating junk food and chilling around. One thing that I also hate is asking my parents for some pocket money despite myself being 22 and jobless. Now, the job was fairly easy. Just deliver pizzas and sandwiches and clean the tables when the guests leave the object. I was paid $13 a day + tips (I come from Serbia, monthly salary here is about $400, so don’t be shocked, just another 3rd world country in the Balkans) and I was satisfied with that. I got the job mainly because I don’t want to be a sloth nutsack who just spends his time at home, and who wants to change his life habits, duh. Yeah, money is important, but nevermind it gets spent on things even you try as much to save it. 3rd world country problems, fellas…
Now, let’s get to the point, was bit off-topic.
Namely, the boss told (not directly to my face, but she told my colleague, and he just repeated her words, because why the heck she wouldn’t tell me what she had to say to my face???) at the end of my shift that she was quite unsatissfied with my work and that I was a bit slow and unaccountable when I needed to recieve the delivery info. I am generally a slowish person. I’ve been like that my whole life, but yesterday and today I tried to do my best and not to be slow in front of her, knowing that such a thing would make her go crazy. Another reason why I got fired today is that I couldn’t park the car twice or three times after I finished the delivery. The reason why that happened is not that I suck at parking, but the car that I drove is shit*y and is hard to drive. I couldn’t just switch to drive a new car if I am used to drive my own car that I’ve been driving for 3 years now, there’s a difference. Once a made a mistake while parking, I instatly became so nervous, frustrated and anxious that I made another one just after finishing another delivery. I couldn’t calm myself down, obviousely… The boss also warned me to clean the table when the guests had left, and I admit — that was my mistake because I was just checking my cell phone.
Nonetheless, I am both angry at them and myslef at the same time. I am angry at them because they wouldn’t just give me another chance to prove them I am willing to give my best (which I wholeheartedly do!), avoid making the same mistakes, yet the boss is extremely strict and rigorous, so this just meant the red card for me.
I am angry at myself because I can’t imagine myself feeling like a zombie since the moment I wake up. No matter if I slept 6, 8, 10 or 12 hours a day — I am still the same. Always fatigued, lazy, groggy, sleepy and with no will for life… I’m also quite forgetful and lose focus and attention 95% of the day (those are one of the main symptoms of AD(H)D). That drives my parents nuts. I always make a totally irrelevant and unnecessary mistake that normal people wouldn’t make and thar’s why they still have no trust in me when it comes to everything, and I understand them. And thus, I wanted to change my lifeless habits by getting a job, waking up earlier in the morning and being responsible for what I do, both at job and in private life.
I’m concerned about myself because I’m not really angry for getting fired from this job, but because same things could happen when I find another job, in which I will bear much more responsibility, and that’s what scares me the most! I don’t want other people to percieve me as a sloppy, lazy, irresponsible guy that doesn’t want to work and help others, but trust me, I always do help other people as much as I can. My parents taught me like that since my childhood.
So, at the end, what do you suggest me to do? Any personal advice? Are any of you in a similar situation?
I’ve been thinking about visiting a psychiatrist soon. Those who work at state-owned facilities (I don’t know the right term for this one, but I hope you understood) are not usually good and don’t dedicate their time to the patient which they’re obliged to do. Private psychiatrists do charge a lot of money here in Serbia, compared to our lifestyle, but they dedicate themselves to the patient and try their best to help them, hence they are paid to do so.
Thank you guys for reading this post! I know it is long as hell, but hey, I really need your help. I don’t wanna be the same person again. It’s time for a big change!!! 🙂
August 19, 2019 at 9:44 am #125485DizzyParticipant
First off, getting fired from pizza joint isn’t the end of the world.
At 22, you’re learning that the working world is not accommodating
of our personal problems. I have no doubt you are a real nice person,
but your employer had expectations that were not met.
You mention you feel “lifeless”..can you tell me about what you’ve been
doing for the past few years? University? Working?
Do you have an idea of how you want to live your life? Goals you’d
like to accomplish?
If you could have any job you wished, what would it be?
August 21, 2019 at 1:50 pm #125674SageParticipant
Okay so. You got fired because you were slowish, made a few mistakes parking a car, and didn’t clean a table? That is not cool. I mean, you even admitted here that you were on your phone (it’s a thing. Most people I know who have ADHD can only really focus on electronics) , and that’s why you didn’t clean a table. Now yes, that was perceived as lazy. But you being slow isn’t something you can help. You made a few mistakes, so what? We’re all human. Yes, your boss did have expectations of you that you did not meet, so that’s why she fired you. But, I agree that she should have given you a second chance to prove yourself, not just fire you. And I do think you should go and see a psychiatrist, and get professionally evaluated. It may help you understand yourself a little more, instead of just guessing what you have. So my advice to you is to look for a new job, try your best, and go get professionally evaluated. Stay strong!
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