August 18, 2019 at 12:38 pm #125445
Hey all! First, let me start off by saying that I am not 100% sure that I have AD(H)D. I do know that I share the vast majority of the symptoms linked to ADHD, and people still call me an idiot for thinking so. Now, I’m going to write a brick wall text, but please be kind and read the whole text, it’d mean everything to me! 🙂
I got fired today at my job. It was my second day today. To be honest, I was quite happy that I got the job because I just couldn’t stand myself being home all day long and doing nothing but eating junk food and chilling around. One thing that I also hate is asking my parents for some pocket money despite myself being 22 and jobless. Now, the job was fairly easy. Just deliver pizzas and sandwiches and clean the tables when the guests leave the object. I was paid $13 a day + tips (I come from Serbia, monthly salary here is about $400, so don’t be shocked, just another 3rd world country in the Balkans) and I was satisfied with that. I got the job mainly because I don’t want to be a sloth nutsack who just spends his time at home, and who wants to change his life habits, duh. Yeah, money is important, but nevermind it gets spent on things even you try as much to save it. 3rd world country problems, fellas…
Now, let’s get to the point, was bit off-topic.
Namely, the boss told (not directly to my face, but she told my colleague, and he just repeated her words, because why the f*ck she wouldn’t tell me what she had to say to my face???) at the end of my shift that she was quite unsatissfied with my work and that I was a bit slow and unaccountable when I needed to recieve the delivery info. I am generally a slowish person. I’ve been like that my whole life, but yesterday and today I tried to do my best and not to be slow in front of her, knowing that such a thing would make her go crazy. Another reason why I got fired today is that I couldn’t park the car twice or three times after I finished the delivery. The reason why that happened is not that I suck at parking, but the car that I drove is shit*y and is hard to drive. I couldn’t just switch to drive a new car if I am used to drive my own car that I’ve been driving for 3 years now, there’s a difference. Once a made a mistake while parking, I instatly became so nervous, frustrated and anxious that I made another one just after finishing another delivery. I couldn’t calm myself down, obviousely… The boss also warned me to clean the table when the guests had left, and I admit — that was my mistake because I was just checking my cell phone.
Nonetheless, I am both angry at them and myslef at the same time. I am angry at them because they wouldn’t just give me another chance to prove them I am willing to give my best (which I wholeheartedly do!), avoid making the same mistakes, yet the boss is extremely strict and rigorous, so this just meant the red card for me.
I am angry at myself because I can’t imagine myself feeling like a fcuking zombie since the moment I wake up. No matter if I slept 6, 8, 10 or 12 hours a day — I am still the same. Always fatigued, lazy, groggy, sleepy and with no will for life… I’m also quite forgetful and lose focus and attention 95% of the day (those are one of the main symptoms of AD(H)D). That drives my parents nuts. I always make a totally irrelevant and unnecessary mistake that normal people wouldn’t make and thar’s why they still have no trust in me when it comes to everything, and I understand them. And thus, I wanted to change my lifeless habits by getting a job, waking up earlier in the morning and being responsible for what I do, both at job and in private life.
I’m concerned about myself because I’m not really angry becuase getting fired from this job, but because same things could happen when I find another job, in which I will bear much more responsibility, and that’s what scares me the most! I don’t want other people to percieve me as a sloppy, lazy, irresponsible guy that doesn’t want to work and help others, but trust me, I always do help other people as much as I can. My parents taught me like that since my childhood.
So, at the end, what do you suggest me to do? Any personal advice? Are any of you in a similar situation?
I’ve been thinking about visiting a psychiatrist soon. Those who work at state-owned facilities (I don’t know the right term for this one, but I hope you understood) are not usually good and don’t dedicate their time to the patient which they’re obliged to do. Private psychiatrists do charge a lot of money here in Serbia, compared to our lifestyle, but they dedicate themselves to the patient and try their best to help them, hence they are paid to do so.
Thank you guys for reading this post! I know it is long as hell, but hey, I really need your help. I don’t wanna be the same person again. It’s time for a big change!!! 🙂
August 18, 2019 at 4:57 pm #125453
I am sorry to hear about your job, and I think a lot of us can relate to this situation. I’ll tell you a few words about myself, so you know who this comes from. I am in my forties, I have a 9 year old son who we suspect has ADD and is in the process of being diagnosed. I myself have never been diagnosed, however I do think I have an ADD-type brain, though my symptoms have lower intensity than those of my son.
I think a lot of us with ADHD brains have a hard time holding “normal” jobs, the kind of jobs that require us to be reasonably fast, reasonably sociable, reasonably organized. Entry level student-type jobs such as waitressing, or pizza delivering in your case. These are jobs that anyone is expected to be able to do, because they do not require any special degree or education. However, for people like us, they can be excruciatingly difficult, a/because they are often based on speed of processing, common sense and common organizational & social skills, which we often lack; and b/because a lot of us are bored to death by these types of jobs, and people with ADHD find it nearly impossible to stay focussed if they are not interested. We’ve all tried these kind of jobs, and I guess it’s safe to say we have either failed, or it was pretty obvious we were just not very good at it. I am sure all of us have tons of funny stories about our experiences in these jobs! Here’s one of mine:
Fruit processing in a farm: I was placed in front of a conveyor belt that filled a tray with all the peaches I had to place in boxes. My job was to place the peaches in “grade A” box (good quality peaches) and “grade B” box (lower quality peaches). No-one felt the need to explain what were the factors deciding whether a peach was good quality or lower grade, so that created a level of uncertainty that panicked me and slowed me down. I would pick up each peach, take a quick look at it and decide it was OK, place it in the grade A box. Then I would pick the next one, do the same thing, but then I would second-guess myself and go back to the first peach, decide it was actually not so great and switch it to the grade B box, and so on and so on, and all the while, the tray was filling faster and faster and the girl next to me had to stop her work and help me before it would overflow… It looked like a scene of Charlie Chaplin’s movies, I still laugh about it every time I remember…. Of course that day didn’t go so well, and I did not keep the job…
I had some others of these ill-fitted jobs as a student , some of which I managed to keep even though it was frustrating because it definitely wasn’t showing the best of me. I was very lucky at some point to have a boss who took a liking in me, and was very patient and teached me to keep up and get better, even though it wasn’t the best job for me. I am forever thankful to the important lessons he taught me.
The thing is, we all have skills and interests, and my advice would be to find out (if you don’t know yet) what you’re interested in, and what you are good at, then focus on developing these areas and find a job that is a closer match. If you’re are at entry level, it might still be a job that’s not perfect for you, but it might at least be closer to what’s good for you, and put you one step in the right direction.
For example, like a lot of people with ADD, I know I am not good at “fast” jobs, but I am very good at things that require patience and attention to detail. I also have an interest in arts and creative environments in general, so this is were I oriented my career. Today, I have a job that is very detail oriented, in which visual observation, sense of proportions, precision and technical quality are extremely important, and speed is of a much lower priority. It’s also in a creative field in which I am passionate about (I am a product developer in the garment industry). This is a much better fit to my personality and skills. Depending on which company I work for, speed may be higher or lower on the priority list, this is why companies that produce quality products usually offer a better environment for me than those who specialize on cheaper/faster product.
I hope this helps!! You’re doing the right thing to open the conversation, and look for feedback from the community. Don’t get discouraged and remember, there’s lots of us like you! You should focus on what you are passionate about, and what is a positive environment for you!
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