I feel stuck

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    • #80499
      ml23123
      Participant

      I’mm 22 and graduated college a year ago in May. I live with my parents because I can’t afford to live on my own. I find that my ADHD causes a lot of problems while living with them. It seems like a lot of the issues come from my inability to connect with specific things they believe I should have a connection with or should understand, often times things are emotional in nature or in a sense aren’t logical. Other times it comes from not being able to follow through on certain things. I begun implementing different tools for tasks that require follow through, but I don’t really know how to go about helping fix the more emotion based issues. I have been going to therapy which does help with my personal emotional issues. But when it comes to emotionally connecting to my parents I feel stuck. I want to connect, understand, and help make it easier for my parents. I don’t want to feel like a burden to them, I want to help them and I know I’m not doing that. Has anyone else struggled with something like this?

    • #80503
      rebell90
      Participant

      Oh my I relate so much. One of my biggest struggles is connecting with others. Those I love, and I always felt guilt. It’s getting much better with my new med, I’m told I’m a better listener. Before, it was like no human contact was “enough”. Not enough to stimulate my brain so it would wander. I almost got “bored” with people. One thing that helped me was active listening. Almost parroting what they say back, has shown them that I listen too. I’m not perfect at it, and some days I still struggle a lot..switching to Adderall XR helps, slows my brain down more so I comprehend. I personally still struggle with eye contact. It’s almost piercing and painful to look people in the eye, I feel like I do it wrong so I just look over. My therapist is helping me too. Going back to my job after maternity leave has helped, I’m a computer programmer so it gives me an outlet. I’ve always come off “wrong” to people, especially before my diagnosis. I also can’t sit still long enough to hold a convo too. But sometimes my tone is misinterpreted, and the biggest coming off as a maladjusted, irresponsible adult. Little trucks like reminders for bills, and for every little thing lol no matter how small. Lists, and just when I get overwhelmed with chores, I start super small. Just say only five min and then I can see, and usually I go longer, even if I don’t, 5 minutes is better than zero minutes after all:) I hope this may help!

    • #80545
      Penny Williams
      Keymaster

      It sounds like you’re communicating with each other in two different ways — they’re using logic (left brain) and you’re using emotion (right brain). Your brain is different with ADHD, so it is likely more creative and emotional and less responsive to logic and rationalization (by the way, logic and reasoning are enormously impaired when you are emotional, making this communication dynamic even more difficult).

      This article offers some ADHD-friendly communication strategies:

      Don’t Just Talk, Communicate

      Penny
      ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Trainer on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

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