May 17, 2020 at 10:06 am #172009
I am a non-ADHD spouse. I love my husband very much but I need coping mechanisms NOW to continue this relationship. He currently takes prescriptions for depression and bipolar (Abilify and Wellbutrin). He has been diagnosed a couple of times with ADHD (he does not want to take any prescriptions for this issue). We have been married for 20 years and the last 6 months has been extra challenging. He gets up between midnight and 1am and either goes outside and fiddle with things, sits in his truck and listen to his music and go joyriding. I was recently diagnosed with liver disease and his behavior is causing health issues for me. He does not feel like he is doing anything wrong leaving the home @ 1am and being hyperactive throughout the day. I don’t know if this is a relationship I should continue if this is affecting my health. I am new to the forum and will read some articles that may help me to gain peace, but any advice offered is well appreciated.
May 17, 2020 at 12:12 pm #172014
I’m very sorry to hear of your pain. I do understand some of it; I have a husband with untreated adhd (also wants no treatment), and kids with adhd and other comorbid diagnoses. And I have 2 family members with bipolar.
The problem with bipolar and adhd being in the same individual is that doctors are cautioned to never give bipolar patients any stimulants. Why is this? Because it can trigger a manic episode, and in treating bipolar, you want to avoid manic episodes as much as possible.
You mentioned that he has been prescribed Wellbutrin. That is often given for adhd treatment, as well as depression. So he doesn’t realize it, but he’s on a treatment for adhd. It may not be a high enough dose for you to see the difference you are hoping for, however. And yet, it might have to be kept at a low dose because it’s also used for depression. And with depression meds, doctors also have to take care with their bipolar patients. It’s a much more complicated beast than adhd.
I’m really sorry for all your pain. And from watching my two family members with bipolar, they are in a lot of pain, too. This stuff stinks for everyone.
May 18, 2020 at 10:30 am #172042
I imagine he’s restless when he can’t sleep and he’s doing these other things in an effort not to disturb you. This restlessness and hyperactivity is part of the ADHD brain. Even medication doesn’t stop this, it just reduces it some.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism
May 24, 2020 at 1:43 pm #172598
1. He first needs to figure out whether or not he even has ADHD.
2. I honestly don’t understand what’s your problem with him going for a joyride. Sleep issues are common for us I’d rather go for a walk than lay in bed being miserable. Do you want him to ask you for permission every time he goes outside?
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