I feel like a broken adult

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    • #73652
      CheriG
      Participant

      Hi,

      This post has to do with ADHD but I wanted to give you a background on what I have been facing.
      I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder early in young adulthood. For quite some time I bounced between being on medication and not being on medication. When I was in my downward spiral I would find it impossible to even leave my home. Fear, anxiety and depression controlled me during those times which often cost my job. In my manic state I would be extremely helpful and always on the go, however, I also made multitude of mistakes which also cost jobs. After years of having to deal with this without medication I lost a job that I had for 8 years. I had shut down completely and isolated myself. It was in November of 2016 that I was hit with a reality check by my husband. I was in very real danger of losing the man that I loved. That was when I decided that I needed to get back on medication.

      I went to my health care professional and was prescribed medication which stabilized my insane mood cycling. I thought that this would solve everything. I noticed that I made more and more mistakes at work and I was confused because my mood was stable. I was called by my job at the time and told that they no longer needed me there. Two jobs fired from within 12 months of each other. I got another job and it was great. Until the mistakes started again. I couldn’t remember anything at all and when people were talking to me it was as if their words were deleted from my head as soon as they said them. If I didn’t write it down, I forgot it after walking away. This has cost my company several thousands of dollars because of what appears to be simple careless mistakes.

      I had to do something!! I ended up going to a mental health professional to see if it was possible that there was something more than my previously diagnosed bipolar and anxiety disorders. After a very extensive and overwhelming amount of questions, they said that they feel strongly that I have ADHD as well as Bipolar and anxiety disorders. So I started on medication and started working on getting therapy. Meanwhile, during this time I am still making mistakes and each time I am being pulled into a meeting room and getting read the riot act. Nothing I could say would help the situation. It got to the point that almost weekly I was pulled into a meeting to talk about my job performance. This made me so paranoid about making mistakes that I ended up making even more mistakes.

      Last week on Monday I was pulled into a meeting again this time telling me that I was to be suspended for 2 days. I understood their thinking even though I didn’t agree with it. On the second day the HR manager called me saying that my suspension was extended until further notice and I needed to email the HR manager my take on what was happening. At that time I disclosed to my HR manager what everyone else knew at work, that I was bipolar and have ADHD. Thursday I was told that I needed to get documentation from my doctor about my condition so that it was certified and recorded. They also advised that I was allowed to go back to work the next day.

      Friday morning I called my manager to let her know I was on my way in and that she would need to let me in since they took my badge. She sounded surprised and asked who told me to come in. When I told her she said she would be out in a moment to let me in. When I walked in it was instant isolation by my coworkers. I found out later that it was announced to everyone that I was suspended and it was no surprise that everyone treated me like I had leprosy. People I used to joke with hardly said 5 words to me. I felt like I wasn’t supposed to be there. Not to mention that my desk looked completely different from how I left it on Monday. My calendar was gone and so was several other things. One of my coworkers asked me about the company catalog where we can buy shirts and other things with the company logo on it and I told him that this was the first year I was able to participate so I wasn’t sure. Apparently there was an email sent out that day to everyone in the office but me. He confirmed that my name was not on the email nor was it on the order form.

      If I get fired from this job it will be the 3rd job that I lost since 2015 because of bipolar and ADHD. I have a torrent of emotions going through me these days and I am not sure if I know what to do to help me get this under control. Does anyone at all have any suggestions that could help me keep from making mistakes? I was pretty much advised that if I make another one I will end up being terminated. I apologize for the really long post but I needed to get this off my chest as well as see if there is anything I can do.
      By the way, I am still trying to get my medication stabilized and it still isn’t working 100%.

      Thank you in advance!
      Cheri

    • #73675
      Penny Williams
      Keymaster

      Hi Cheri!

      I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

      My initial thought is that maybe you need to find a different type of job or a job in a different field. The ADHD brain is motivated by interest and urgency, not be importance like neurotypical brains. That means, if you find the job tedious or aren’t invested in what you’re doing, you will lose focus and interest and that’s when mistakes come in.

      As well, anxiety can greatly diminish cognitive functioning. So, when you’re really anxious at work, as you understandably are now, you’re ability to do well is greatly reduced.

      How to Align Your Career with Your Passions

      Is Your Job Right for You?

      Penny
      ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #78471
      Taratata1
      Participant

      Dear Cheri,

      Thank you so much for sharing. There really are people out there just like me!
      I hope you are ok. I can so relate to where you are coming from. and I want to thank you for being so brave and honest putting it on here! I am just sending you good thoughts, prayers, etc. I wish I had more answers right now for both of us, but in my experience, I do know that in time, if I keep just doing the next right thing, good things will present themselves. I hope things have gotten better for you.

      T

    • #80816
      ADDLobstah
      Participant

      I don’t know if you’ve tried this, but extreme exercise can help a lot. Intense spin classes, martial arts, skiing, rock-climbing.

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