it's hard to spell myselves

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    • #138398

      I was reading D.H.Lawrence, get to pick up books finally after taking my ADHD medicine, there were pages and pages of precise description about a girl’s life and thoughts as a teenager, although were not the exact the same, it just brought me to mine as well. I realize, not until now, I had a intimate relationship with my family. My dad would take us to buy books and game box and everything. My old brother and I would sing and dance together, we loved music and basketball…

      Suddenly, my cat came to me for a cuddle, in my apartment away thousands of miles from home and being the same for the past 15 years( and I’m only 25). I feel isolated, from being that little girl that I picked with the help of the book, to this young lady that has a cat to take care of and career to work hard on. Each period of life feels isolated, the first and short 12 years I spent with my family, young student life in boarding school, rather loose college life and stressed period right after.

      The problem is, I don’t have the memories.

      I had trauma when I was a kid, a rape & a few other family matters including violence & school bullying, they all caused problems but not bad enough( trauma itself) to see myself suffering PTSD.

      But I definitely am broken.

      How do I pick my memories? how do spell myselves, the 4 ones in 4 different cites with different people, together?

      • This topic was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by ilminur.
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